Did you tell anyone about your fertility treatments?

kbedfox · March 2014

Just wondering about this this morning, and I'm sure it's different for everyone and what they're personally comfortable with.

For us, only my sister and MIL (and I'd assume she told FIL) know I've been seeing an RE and started my first cycle of treatments because we struggled with the general indifference about our loss. I'd like to be comfortable discussing it with my parents, but my mom literally said "congratulations, but isn't it a little soon?" when I got my BFP (we had been married just 5 months) and she was pretty vocal about me needing to just move on after my loss. My dad is in the "it's in God's hands" camp and while I appreciate his version of support, I can't handle hearing that over and over. It would be nice to have some kind of IRL support system.

Edit: Title-- fertility treatments, not window treatments or any other kind of treatment obviously lol.

Frenchteachermama · March 2014

I've decided to only share with my close girl friends who have been there for me unconditionally since my first loss in September. After my family's reaction to my second loss I decided that I would rather they not know anything about where we are in this process. I just don't feel like sharing with people who haven't been supportive from the beginning. I'm switching doctors not only because I dislike mine, but it's also my sister's doctor and I don't want there to be a chance of her seeing me in the office.

TVLily · March 2014

I'm sorry you feel unsure if you will find the support you deserve from your parents. Have you asked your sister how she thinks they'll react?

We told our parents/sisters. Sometimes I'm glad to have people to talk too sometimes it's frustrating because I feel some of them totally don't get it and I'm offering them more support in the situation than me. But all in all it's probably more + than -.

rmpar29 · March 2014

My girlfriend that I've known for 20 years is the only one that knows I'm going through treatments again. My family wasn't too excited about my last pregnancy (it was right after DH and I were having problems) and I'm sure would think I'm crazy for going this route again.

The first time I went through this, my family did know and were completely supportive about it. I think it depends on your set of circumstances and your relationship with them whether or not to tell them.

Danielle0311 · March 2014

What I came to realize after my first loss being way too public is that I only want supportive people to know what's going on. This time around for my second loss only 3 people knew about the pregnancy/loss and those same three people will be the only ones to be kept in the loop when I go for testing etc. It is of course a personal decision, but for me it is proving to be so much less stress not having to hear hurtful comments or be dissapoonted by lack of support from the people who hurt us last time.

almostamissus · March 2014

I've been seeing an re, I'm not cycling, but I will be going for surgery soon. Because of our two losses just before seeing the re almost all of both our immediate family know. If I do have to cycle, I would probably tell my mom and one of my three sisters. I don't think I'd tell anyone else- it would be pretty personal to me.

PinkCamino · March 2014

I'm not technically having fertility treatments but I've had some work done to fix up my ute so I figure I'd chime in.

Immediate family knows about everything. It's kind of hard to hide a surgery from my family. But, as for the rest, (TTC) we have not told anyone.

KC1212 · March 2014

Last time, only my mom and my husband knew. And the only reason my mom knew is because she gave me my trigger shot because there was no way I was letting DH give me a shot. My mom, at least had some practice giving the horses shots lol!

I'm not currently doing treatment cycles but, I'm sure my mom would be in the know We've always been very very close.

As for everyone else- no, I didn't tell them. Last time I did treatment cycles was in 2008 so a few select people know now - after the fact.

For the most part- we are in the closet about everything- mainly to avoid stupid comments.

My inlaws know about my ectopic / tube removal. Like PC said- it's kinda hard to hide a surgery and my H was heartbroken about it at the time and confided to his mom.

LaRomana09 · March 2014

My immediate family knows everything. With DH's family, he has mentioned in passing that we were seeing an RE, but they are really great about not interrogating, so they don't really have any specifics. Other than that, my boss knows that we are doing something (because of all of the monitoring appointments) and my closest girlfriend knows everything.

katib77 · March 2014

Because I started IF treatments over two years before my first loss, its a little different. I became an advocate and "came out" very publicly a year after our dx in 2011. I tell almost anyone and everyone.

LizBlue · March 2014

I'm pretty "out" since it's been so long. Immediate family, close friends and boss all know. Most know about our loss too. The only down side is that MH's parents are very religious and are starting to ask questions about extra embryos and what happens to them. They haven't said anything that has upset me yet but it's probably just a matter of time.

Most people who know now understand that "no news is bad news" and not to ask questions about if "it worked" this cycle.

Eliz77 · March 2014

I'm pretty open about what we have been through and our appointments. Mainly, our parents, my sister, brother, my closest Aunt, my boss, my best friend and two of the vets I work with. That seems like a lot...I definitely share everything with my mom, sister and best friend, the rest is when they ask since they know of my losses and that we see an RE. My boss will ask how things are going when I have to leave work or come in late due to appointments. And the two vets are good friends of mine, so I'll ask them questions about treatments and results.

kbedfox · March 2014

I wish I had more girlfriends who were at the same place in their lives as me so I could talk to them about it! All my girlfriends are either done having babies, currently pregnant, or nowhere near ready for babies so that audience is nonexistent. Good suggestion @tvandewi, I'll have to talk to my sister about it. I feel like I know my parents' reactions but maybe I'm being unfair.

@KC1212 Funny you mentioned DH giving you your trigger shot-- that's what made me think about this in the first place bc DH does NOT want to do mine, and I can't do it myself, and there's literally no one else around who knows I even need it. I'm glad so many of you are comfortable with your support systems! I'm not sure if I have the guts to tell anyone else so I'm extra thankful for you ladies. >:D<

Alicia_R1 · March 2014

yeah, we were pretty open about it once we knew we were going to have to go down that route. It helped curb the "are you pregnant" and "just relax" questions and comments. It was a real eye opener for both of our families so they got quite the education. It gives me more people to talk to besides just DH when I need to vent as well

LizBlue · March 2014

@natsfan84 Where do you live? I'll come administer your trigger shot!

After this round of IVF I feel like I am a needle expert! :-B

Eliz77 · March 2014

My H offered to do my shots but there was no way I was going to have him giving me a shot for his 1st time ever! My mom also offered, but I just did them myself.

kbedfox · March 2014

LizBlue said:

@natsfan84 Where do you live? I'll come administer your trigger shot! After this round of IVF I feel like I am a needle expert! :-B

Hope you're not shy about butts, because apparently that's where this puppy has to go. I asked about the stomach since I've seen other people do it there themselves, and I could handle that I think, but my RE insists on the butt shot. I'm in VA by the way lol.

LizBlue · March 2014

@natsfan84 I'm a little far away, sorry! In all seriousness, my husband had to administer my trigger shot in my butt, and now he administers a progesterone shot every night there too. He was nervous, but after the first time, it was totally fine! Do you have emla cream? It's a pain relieving cream (containing lidocane) available by prescription only. You put a half dollar size dollop on one hour before your shot, and it completely numbs the area.

I don't think that the shot would really hurt that badly without it, but with the emla cream I felt absolutely nothing. Like it never happened. Which I think really helped my husband not be nervous.

Good luck to you guys- you can totally do it!

KC1212 · March 2014

Just FYI - my mom did not give me a shot in the ass! Lol! I think it was in my arm fat.

And there was no way I was entrusting my husband with sharp objects after the way I behaved like a royal bitch after a week on clomid.

kbedfox · March 2014

@LizBlue‌ I don't have that cream but it sounds like I need to ask about it! The whole thing makes me nervous-- I have never had a freaking sharps container in my house before. What the heck do you do with that?!

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luciddreamer106 · March 2014

Two of my friends know the specifics, but I don't give them a play by play unless they ask. My mom knows. And I vaguely told 3 other friends, but haven't given them updates. Those three I told because we don't love close anymore and communicate via group text fairly often. I was hoping that by sharing, they would be more sensitive in what they send me.

LizBlue · March 2014

natsfans84 said:

@LizBlue‌ I don't have that cream but it sounds like I need to ask about it! The whole thing makes me nervous-- I have never had a freaking sharps container in my house before. What the heck do you do with that?!

Oh man - my sharps container is almost full. I joke that it makes me feel like a bad ass.

I think we're supposed to bring it back to the doctor to dispose of? I have no idea actually, good question.

luciddreamer106 · March 2014

LizBlue said:

natsfans84 said:

@LizBlue‌ I don't have that cream but it sounds like I need to ask about it! The whole thing makes me nervous-- I have never had a freaking sharps container in my house before. What the heck do you do with that?!

Oh man - my sharps container is almost full. I joke that it makes me feel like a bad ass.

I think we're supposed to bring it back to the doctor to dispose of? I have no idea actually, good question.

I've brought it along to the RE's office and I've also given it to the pharmacy that I got it from. If you want to bring it to the pharmacy, I would call ahead and see if it's ok.

luciddreamer106 · March 2014

LizBlue said:

natsfans84 said:

@LizBlue‌ I don't have that cream but it sounds like I need to ask about it! The whole thing makes me nervous-- I have never had a freaking sharps container in my house before. What the heck do you do with that?!

Oh man - my sharps container is almost full. I joke that it makes me feel like a bad ass.

I think we're supposed to bring it back to the doctor to dispose of? I have no idea actually, good question.

I've brought it along to the RE's office and I've also given it to the pharmacy that I got it from. If you want to bring it to the pharmacy, I would call ahead and see if it's ok.

TVLily · March 2014

@LizBlue‌ and @natsfans84‌ I had to do heparin shots a few times and in Ontario (not sure if it's everywhere) you can bring them back to the pharmacy for disposal, so I'd ask them too.

CallaLily30 · March 2014

We have been fairly private about our struggles. Our parents and siblings do not know about our losses or our IF treatments. A few of my close friends know and only one of DH's friends. We also do not give a play by play of the treatments to anyone. I'm sure our families would be supportive but I just don't want to deal with the constant questions and their "unhelpful" advice. We recently found out that my in-laws went through IVF in the early '80s and it was unsuccesful. My DH was a "miracle baby" without intervention and they tried IVF once after him but moved onto adopt his younger sister. IVF was (and still is) very expensive and the success rates weren't very good at that time. They couldn't afford to pursue adoption and IVF both to financial and time constraints (The charity they adopted through had an age restriction).

I also have a full sharps container I don't know what to do with!

ToriGirl2014 · March 2014

We've been open about my surgeries to my immediate family because there was really no way to hide it. However I was not really telling friends what was going on until a friend of a friend outed me into the rest of them (inadvertently I suppose). The friend of a friend basically told my closest group of girlfriends that I was trying because she saw my BBT at an overnight bachelorette party. Annoying right? I have come to accept that pretty much everyone in my life knows about our IF efforts although I think both my husband and I would rather it not be that way. Ironically the only people who really don't know about our fertility treatments are by and my dad and MH's parents.....

SamanthaLaura16 · March 2014

We were very quiet about TTC when we first started and did not really tell anyone. Since our loss we share what we are currently going though with the close friends and family who knew what we went though. There is very few people that I really tell everything too. Even my mom is not very supportive because she thinks we just need to "relax" and get off of all the medication. So I share our battle with the people who care and supportive.

divinemsbee · March 2014

We were really quiet about starting TTC, I was 28 when we got married and everyone kind of knew we wanted kids, so it was assumed we were trying, like a soft open. My first loss happened right before (like was officially diagnosed 2 days before) H and I were taking a trip to visit family (for my dad's birthday, awesome). I told my mom, dad, and grandmother (dad's mom, we're very close and H and I stay with her when we're in town), mainly because I wanted them to know what was going on. I honestly don't know if my mom told her sisters at this point. I had also told one local friend and my best friend.

Second loss, my best friend and my mom were the only people I told. Sometime after the second loss is when H told his mom and dad about both losses. At that point, we were at a year of trying, but pretty much just my best friend knew about me going to the doctor to start testing.

Third loss, my best friend and my mom knew pretty much right away because we had, at first, rising and doubling betas for the first time ever. I'm pretty sure if she hadn't before, this is when my mom told her sisters (mainly because she was in town with them for a funeral). They also knew when my betas started dropping and were the first to know about the ectopic. I told my dad and grandmother after I got the MTX, because there was still a risk of surgery. I don't think H has told his family. I told one local friend, a different one, because I've been really hermit-like for a while and also I'm starting to get ready to be out in the open about this.

Now, we're waiting for betas to go to zero and getting a referral to the RE/I clinic in the next couple of weeks to restart testing. And we're on hold for a couple of cycles at least. My best friend knows what's going on. My mom does as well, mainly because she's worked in hospitals for years so she's able to walk me through some stuff. So, we're back to everything being an open secret again.

Rachaeleigh · March 2014

Pretty much everyone in my life knows. With the exception of a few co workers, maybe

jenkellen · March 2014

My mom and sister know we are seeing an RE, but not sure exactly what's going on. They also know about my loss.

My BFF at work has had two late trimester losses is AMA, DOR and just got pregnant through IVF in September. She has been through hell, yet is soooo positive. She is my cheerleader. Every month she gets excited for me . She is the only one that knows everything that is going on.

I recently told my boss. She was asking me a lot of roundabout questions about finding a new OB and we kind of figured out we were both having issues. So I told her and referred her to my RE clinic.

We have a few other friends that know about our loss but only one knows we are doing treatments because my husband told him he couldn't go out one night because he had to "stab me with a needle."

sunlavender · March 2014

We didn't open up about our struggle TTC until we hit the year mark. At that point, we talked to our sibilings and our parents. After our loss (which came after our first treatment cycle) we became open with a larger circle of close friends as well.

Honestly, at this point, I feel like I could talk to anyone about it. Something about our loss just made me want to be open about it. Especially as we're dealing with IF as well. It hurt me more to feel like we were suffering in silence. Talking has been liberating for me.

jbasore1123 · March 2014

Most people know. It's been freeing for me to tell people

HeyMrsPotter · March 2014

My mom is the only person who knows about our treatments. It's something I prefer to be private about.

ikrystal · March 2014

Nooooooooooooooo. No. No. NO. I'm a very private person (I don't even have a FB). We told a handful of friends (none of which know any of our other friends, so even if they were the kind of people to gossip, it wouldn't come to bite us in the ass). The reason for this is because my family is extremely overwhelming. My mom is a nurse, and she likes to worry about every medical symptom I might have. They are on my case about every little thing, from my jean size to how much water I am drinking. So sharing that we did IVF/are doing an FET is out of the question. My mom may have had suspicions after I announced our twins, though.

We also have friends who, for lack of a better term, are too uneducated to understand IVF other than IVF babies are "unnatural"- which is complete bullshit. We didn't want to explain ourselves and our babies over and over and over again.

I am Catholic, and many of my friends are too. The Catholic Church holds firm that babies born of IVF are not born out of love. Pardon me, but screw that. I have started going to my husband's church (Lutheran) instead. His Pastor was the one who married us and baptized our boys as soon as they were born. He spent two days with us in the hospital when we knew the boys were going to die. I'm starting to think its time to convert.

However, I do understand why so many people share their journey in IF. It is a great support for those who understand and do not judge. I wish I could believe I had that same support, but I know deep down that I do not.

kflynn81 · March 2014

katib77 said:

Because I started IF treatments over two years before my first loss, its a little different. I became an advocate and "came out" very publicly a year after our dx in 2011. I tell almost anyone and everyone.

Same here... I have a blog and everything that lots of friends and family read.

I started diagnostic testing 3 years ago and only my Mom knew at that point. When I started seeing the RE about 2.5 years ago I started blogging and telling people about it very openly. The more time goes by the less of a filter I have... my boss once asked me some questions about how they do an egg retrieval and I told her step by step!!

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