I just need to vent! (long)

sundaesprinkles · March 2014

So as I have said before I work as an income tax preparer in my dad's business. We work long hours during tax season and the rest of the year we are basically off except for an occasional appointment for a late filer. I always said I didn't want to go into his business while I was in high school and college, but after college I needed a job and didn't know what to do with myself and I ended up working for my dad. He trained me and then it just so happened that his one other preparer he had left after my first year so my dad and I were the only preparers. We need at least two preparers to handle our client base.

After working a few years I decided to take over the business once my dad dies and he was thrilled. My mom and dad didn't plan for retirement well and they don't have much money. If I didn't take it over they would have to sell it and then once they run out of the money from that I don't know what they would do. So they were very happy for me to be taking over. My dad is not planning to retire but he is 75 and he wanted to have some plan in place if something happens to him. However if something happened to him I would need to find another preparer to replace him.

Meanwhile my DH was unhappy in his field of work and he decided to learn taxes. He just started with us this year. There are pros and cons with everything in life but we saw a lot of pros. We would get to work together, be off most of the year or work somewhere else to make more money if we want, I wouldn't have to find someone to replace my dad etc.

We always knew we wanted kids and so did my parents. We decided to have DH work with us before we TTC, but waited to have him start with us until this year because we were on DH's insurance through work. We discussed childcare arrangements with my parents and they agreed that my mom would watch the baby during tax season. (She used to work as our receptionist.) So she watches him M-F and works with us on Saturdays while my MIL watches him.

Everything seemed to be working well. Except my mom seems to be complaining of being tired all the time and never getting to go out because of having to watch Logan. I say "seems to be complaining" because she never complains to me, but my dad tells me (and tells our clients) how tired she is and he's always talking about taking her out to eat after work because she never gets to go anywhere. Also ever since Logan was born my dad keeps making comments that it would be better if we only had one child. I was pissed because that is so inappropriate and none of his business and he kept bringing it up. At first he made it seem like he was saying this because we would have more money to spend on just one and Logan would get more attention from us, etc. But then he brought up a month or so ago about how it would be really difficult for my mom to have to watch two kids. She was right there with us when this came up and told him it would be fine and for him to butt out because it was none of his business how many kids I wanted to have. She even keeps asking me when we're going to have another one. But yet I keep hearing about how tired she is from my dad. Now even my aunt (my dad's sister) who they go out to eat with a lot just told me that I ought to think before I have another kid because it would be hard on my mom.

I feel like everyone discussing how many kids we should have is ridiculous. Honestly I would love to be a SAHM if I could. But DH never really found a career he loves and he doesn't know what field to go into. I thought taking over this business would be good because although I have to work, it's only for three months out the year for the most part. But there are lots of other factors. We are making less money because my dad couldn't afford to pay him what he was making at his other job. (Hopefully he will be bumped up again in salary during the next few years. Also DH is going to work for his old job during the off season so that should help.) Also we are having to pay $700 a month for our own health insurance. We can't afford daycare too, and honestly I don't know what daycare would watch him from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm all day. It kills me to leave him so long now, but at least I know he is with my mom.

I just don't get it. We talked everything through with my parents before I was pregnant. I am doing them a huge favor keeping the business going so my mom can have income. She is getting paid the same as she was before even though she is only working one day a week so she is basically getting paid to watch Logan. But I keep hearing these complaints. I hate that my parents can't just be my parents because we run this business together. I'm so disgusted that DH and I are talking about him going back to school in the off season so eventually he can get a better paying job and I can be a SAHM. We just have to figure out what he wants to do.

Sorry this is just all-around a weird situation and I just needed to vent.

smg2302 · March 2014

I have no suggestions, just an I'm sorry you're going through this!

delino · March 2014

I would see if you can do pt daycare to give her a bit of a break

coffeeandbooks · March 2014

I think your situation is more common than you think, I hear from a lot of people that they thought their parents would be more help than they are actually capable of.
I think your mom probably is having a hard time. Of course it is your choice how many kids you have, but it sounds like if you have another your mom can't handle both, so you have to make other plans for their care.
Can you do part time day care just for tax season?

JoJo716 · March 2014

That is a tough situation. I can relate to the family business aspect. My family owns a business (I don't work there) and it is constant drama. I agree with pp's, can you find a part time day care where maybe your LO can go to for part of the day? I think my mom has also been surprised how hard it is to take care of a baby. She has trouble watching him for a few hours at a time so I can see how your mom might be overwhelmed. I also think the only people deciding how many kids your have are you and your husband. However, from personal experience, I realize that when families work together, their lives become so entertained that boundaries become hazy. I am sorry you are dealing with this in addition to a crazy time at work.

sundaesprinkles · March 2014

Thanks ladies for your replies and advice. I honestly thought no one would read that because it was so long much less reply.

I know I need to sit down with my mom and talk to her about all this. It will be awkward but I know I need to.

For some reason when it comes to thinking about daycare I was thinking it was an all or nothing option. But maybe he can go a few days a week or something like that during tax season. I will have to do some research because I have no idea what places are the good ones or what prices run. At least I have time before next year to do so.

We are still trying to decide when to TTC #2. We originally planned on this fall but we may not until next fall. (Not because of this whole problem, but overall it may be better for us to wait a little longer.)

The other thing is I just need to decide whether dealing with the family drama is worth working in this business. It does make things difficult.

Thanks again!

MAdams728 · March 2014

I sympathize with you. Family businesses are tough, it's so much different than a typical employment situation. I have always worked for the family business, but I'm in a tough spot now. I want to quit, but there is pretty much no quitting without drama. People don't understand when I tell them that, but family dynamics make it sticky.

nbatchen · March 2014

Maybe see if LO could go to day care during the first part of the day a couple days a week. And your mom could pick him up for the rest. That way she could have some time during the day to go out and run errands but you don't have to pay for full time daycare.

Oohgurl · March 2014

I think grand parents have good intentions but forget how hard it is. My mom is great with kids, but I don't know that I would trust her for a whole day with Jack because she is older and not as strong as she was.

As far as the whole taking out to dinner thing, your dad needs to get over that. Tax season isn't very long. But I think that your mom is maybe struggling a bit and doesn't want to admit it to you and so your dad is dropping you hints. I would suggest part-time DC.

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