I had 1 positive med free birth experience, why am I so scared?

pdilly2b · March 2014

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here - maybe some words of encouragement or to know I'm not the only one feeling this way…

I was so empowered after the birth of my son (hospital birth with midwife - same planned this time, only intervention was midwife breaking my water when I stalled at 7 for like 5 hours). I distinctly remember feeling so proud of myself (I would start crying because I was so happy how it all worked out) and even mentioned to DH that I was a little sorry for men that they don't get to experience the awesomeness of childbirth. Background - for DS's birth, I was in labor 36 hours (14 hard). Dilating was so painful and long but pushing was short (20 min) and relatively easy - I attribute that to squatting and hands and knees position. Only 2 very minor labial tears. I felt all of my contractions as horrible rectal cramps - like the worst food poisoning and I felt like I wanted to poop but couldn't because that wasn't the problem and there was nothing there.

Now I'm dreading labor for this kid and quite scared. I hate feeling this way. I don't think I'll be tempted to get any drugs because pushing upright is so important to me (and effective) and nothing seems worse to me than having a catheter. I try to focus on the positive from my first birth, esp how great I felt after and how easy recovery was, but knowing how the contractions felt just has me feeling like crap. I assume they will be the same sensation (like food poisoning) this time. A lot of people tell me that this birth will be shorter, but I've heard a few stories where that's not the case.

Has anyone else felt this way? How have you dealt with it?

Valancyy · March 2014

I'm pregnant with #3 and I'm dreading labor. My labors are pretty darn short, too! I went med-free with #2.

I think it's actually worse when you've already done it because you know what you're in for, so to speak. Before you experience labor you can imagine what it will be like, but once you do it you know how hard and painful it is.

I know where you're coming from. I tell myself there's nothing I can do to avoid it, so I'm just going to have to deal with it like I did the first 2 times.

sschwege · March 2014

I think I kind of felt that way and I'm sure I will the next time. I felt like DD's birth was so amazing that I had no where to go but down, like what if my 2nd baby's birth wasn't as smooth/empowering, etc. I also put this strange pressure on myself like I HAD to go med-free like it wouldn't be fair to my second if I didn't. Which is really irrational because my mother had a medicated birth with me and I know I turned out fine. Silly!

For me everything was easier the second time, labor was much shorter, pushing was infinitely easier despite a bigger baby, recovery was smoother, BFing came more naturally, and just all around mothering was more intuitive this time. You will benefit from all your experiences and as opposed to last time when you thought you could go med-free, now you KNOW you can. I have run two marathons in my life. The first was hard because of the unknown, you didn't know what to expect, how you would feel, could you make, etc. The second was hard because, well, you did know what to expect. I remember thinking, 'why am I doing this again?!' but at the same time you draw strength from the fact that you have done it before and you know you can do it again.

If you've never read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" you might consider it. The first half of the book is the most beautiful, inspirational birth stories, might be something to pick up when you start to get nervous.

hdchafin · March 2014

I agree and second the PP about Ina Mays book.

CurlieWhirlie · March 2014

I'm so glad I stumbled on this post — it seems like you've vocalized something that a lot of us are feeling! It *is* different knowing what you're in for, so to speak — so the dread is different. It's not the unknown you're afraid of, it's more like the fear of going to get a shot as an adult, knowing how much it hurts (versus the reactionary pain a baby feels).

I'm feeling a lot better after reading this post. It's good to remind ourselves that we *know* we can do it, we *have* done it, and we *can* do it again. Plus, remember how great the recovery was! That's a big selling point. As soon as it was over, you felt GREAT!!

Jazibel · March 2014

Thanks for posting this - I've had some of these same thoughts and feelings lingering in the back of my mind.

I had a natural home-water birth with my son, and felt so grateful for the amazing experience of it all. I'm planning another home-water birth this time and I'll admit I'm more intimidated this time around. I think knowing what I will be facing is shaking my confidence. But I've appreciated all the words of wisdom here. I'll definitely be talking and writing about this more in the coming weeks to "let go of the fear".

I heart Ina May's book. I also watch a few natural birth videos now and again to remind myself of the process and gifts of natural labor/birth.

Sevilla · March 2014

Have you looked at Hypnobabies? It really helped me be calm and released into childbirth. I don't like birth, but it does get me the baby and I prefer how I feel post-partum when it's natural vs. medicated.

KateLouise · March 2014

I was the same before DD#2 was born.

I was fearful because of knowing how it could be, but also knowing that every birth is different, so knowing there were still all sorts of things that could happen.

kindacrunchy · March 2014

I felt this way with my second and am kinda feeling it again for my third even though it's still far away right now. I knew it was going to be hard work and who really looks forward to hard work? The knowing I had done it once and could do it again helped me, especially when my labor ended up being longer and a bit harder than my first. I just keep reminding myself that I will raise to the occasion and will feel so happy afterward that all the hard work will be worth it.

Want a personalized experience?

I had 1 positive med free birth experience, why am I so scared?

Re: I had 1 positive med free birth experience, why am I so scared?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards