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Apparently my father is having surgery today

ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
in Parenting
I seriously hate my parents you guise.  My father has a hernia (I don't even know what kind because he just doesn't talk about it) and he's needed surgery for a long time for it.  Well, apparently the time has come and he's having it this morning.  How do I know?  Because my mother (who I am not speaking to) emailed my brother last night at fucking 10pm with a casual "Your father is having hernia surgery in the morning."  No details.  My parents are divorced but have a bizarre codependent relationship so I SUSPECT he's going to stay with her while he's recovering because he lives alone in a depressing boarding house so clearly he can't stay there if he's not mobile and able to take care of himself.  I have no idea if my uncles know about my dad either and I don't know if I should tell them since I don't have any details to share.

But seriously.  First fuck my dad who hasn't spoken to me (for no reason) since Christmas for not telling us and fuck my mother.  Her email was intentionally ill timed and intentionally vague.  She's just decent enough to want me and my brother to know what was happening and twisted enough to want to make us squirm and worry by not giving us any useful information.  Fuck.
Formerly known as elmoali :)

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Re: Apparently my father is having surgery today

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    ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    HilarityEnsued said:
    Dude your mom is just the worst.  I thought things were okay with your Dad?  Do you think your Mom has been in his ear?

    Sorry about the late news.  I have a perfectly fine relationship with my mother and she still delivers news at the 11th hour... all the fucking time.  It makes me furious. 
    The relationship with my father is nothing like the one with my mother but it's got its own issues.  My father is an alcoholic and suffers from depression.  He's perfectly content having very little contact with anyone at all so his not speaking to me is literally for no actual reason.  It doesn't even occur to him that he hasn't spoken to any of us for months.  He doesn't care about us but not in a malicious way, if that makes sense.  However, this is more than "Geez, haven't talked to the kids in a while."  Clearly he's having conversations about this surgery with my mother and for neither of them to be like "Is someone letting the kids know?" well that's just fucked.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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    ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    @hilarityensued  I'm sorry :(  I obviously know how much that sucks.  For me, it actually super stings because he was the fun parent.  We didn't see him a ton but we always had fun and took week long beach vacations in the summer.  He introduced me to my love of reading and I remember sitting on the couch while he read me the comics and tickled my feet.  One of my wedding pictures is a recreation of that and I love it.  FUCK.  Now I'm crying.  He just has withdrawn more and more as the years go by.  He barely knows my older son and doesn't know the baby at all.  Has seen him once when he was 3 months old :(
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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    aforstaforst member
    I'm sorry.  Your mom is truly fucked sometimes.  I have been amazed at what a sad thing it is to become an adult and realize that your parents suck at life sometimes.   My dad is in our lives (mostly with the kids) but he can be very manipulative and hurtful if it suits him. 

    I'm sorry your parents are doing this and that it's hurting you so much.  :(
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