DH just doesn 't GET it!

JackieP1023 · March 2014

Anyone else having issues with this? I'm EBF, pumping for a stash when I go back to work. DH has been pushing to give formula at night... And is convinced LO isn't getting enough milk (especially when she eats every 90 mins... But it's a growth spurt, I'm sure). Last night, LO slept from about 10-5:30. At 4:00, I woke up because our power was out and my boobs were killing me. I ended up pumping about 7oz from both. An hour(ish) later, LO woke up hungry. I fed from both sides (normally just do 1). She was content. Now, about 75 mins later, I'm feeding again. DH got mad because I'm nursing again-he said 'but you don't have any milk left!' And wanted to give her a bottle. I'm so frustrated with him... I've told him time and time again-she gets what she needs. If she doesn't get enough, she will eat sooner next time, and this is what drives my supply. Giving formula doesn't solve supply issues (especially nonexistent ones!)

(FWIW-LO is 5w2d)

inluv4life2 · March 2014

Can you print some info from leche league or Kelly mom to help? Maybe that would help?

MissDemeanor · March 2014

Maybe I'm reaching here, but maybe he secretly feels left out and wants to be able to feed her too?

JackieP1023 · March 2014

inluv4life2 said:
Can you print some info from leche league or Kelly mom to help? Maybe that would help?

I've told him to look at the Kellymom website-that everything I'm telling him is on there. But. He is a non-reader. He also believes that the amount I can pump=what baby is eating. (Bc a guy at his work told him they had to switch to EFF-his wife couldn't pump enough, so 'she wasn't producing enough').

JackieP1023 · March 2014

MissDemeanor said:
Maybe I'm reaching here, but maybe he secretly feels left out and wants to be able to feed her too?

He has given several bottles, all with BM. We're trying to get LO used to swapping back and forth, for when I go back to work. I'm pretty sure it's just a lack of understanding how BF works.

slwprincess · March 2014

We were having this issue last week- but reverse. My supply took a hit while I was sick and DD needed formula but DH kept asking me if I needed to nurse. It was making me more stressed about my supply! Finally, I told hem not to ask "does she need to nurse?" again but instead he could say "can I give her a bottle while you rest/eat/get a pedi/go to cancun/etc". Since then, our communication has improved greatly ;-)

Breeze1107 · March 2014

This sounds like LOs dad. He's convinced that she isn't getting enough milk from me breast feeding and keeps pushing to suppliment with formula.

Virgo&Aquarius · March 2014

Is she gaining weight? That might be the best indicator that she's okay and that may get him off your back about her feeding. Now that my baby is gaining I feel that's reason enough to say she's feeding fine. She's mostly BF with 1-2 formula bottles because she was having issues with weight and vomit. My DH has made remarks like "well you don't really know how much she's getting when you breast feed" when I say "she was just on the breast and does not need a bottle" I don't think every man gets it. Sometimes it makes me feel like the BF isn't good enough but deep down I know she's fine now.

karich · March 2014

This is too bad, because support from your SO is so important.
Is your pedi BF supportive? Maybe DH can go to an appt with you and have the pedi explain BF. Or, maybe he'll see that LO is gaining appropriately and lay off.
I know you said he isn't a reader....I'd be reading things to him then. And then tell him that he really doesn't get an opinion until he educates himself on what he's talking about.

JackieP1023 · March 2014

Virgo&Aquarius said:
Is she gaining weight? That might be the best indicator that she's okay and that may get him off your back about her feeding. Now that my baby is gaining I feel that's reason enough to say she's feeding fine. She's mostly BF with 1-2 formula bottles because she was having issues with weight and vomit. My DH has made remarks like "well you don't really know how much she's getting when you breast feed" when I say "she was just on the breast and does not need a bottle" I don't think every man gets it. Sometimes it makes me feel like the BF isn't good enough but deep down I know she's fine now.

She hasn't been weighed since 11days old, when she was back up to birthweight. She is outgrowing clothes, though, and seems heavier/cheeks look chubbier.

JackieP1023 · March 2014

karich said:
This is too bad, because support from your SO is so important.
Is your pedi BF supportive? Maybe DH can go to an appt with you and have the pedi explain BF. Or, maybe he'll see that LO is gaining appropriately and lay off.
I know you said he isn't a reader....I'd be reading things to him then. And then tell him that he really doesn't get an opinion until he educates himself on what he's talking about.

Pedi is BF friendly, yes. DH has been at both appts LO has had so far. Pedi didn't talk much about BF, although I did ask about blisters on LO's lips-sucking blisters-pedi said they just show LO has a good latch. DH also went with me to the BF class. (Prenatal) I was hoping he would learn some from that, and be more supportive. He just thinks that I should pump 'to see how much milk I'm making' and if it isn't much, automatically I'm not making enough. It's really getting irritating.

MamaAllison · March 2014

Hugs! I'm sorry, that has got to be so tough! It sounds like you are very confident about BFing though so that is great!!! I have no other suggestions beyond what PPs already said, just wanted you to know you are doing a great job mama!!

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