Did you always want kids?

2Swanns · March 2014

My husband and I will be married 9 years this June and we never saw children in our future. As of late, our minds are starting to change. I'm 33, he's 37 and I think, if we're going to do this, he wants to have children before he turns 40. I don't know if it's that our family and friends are starting to have kids and we are starting to realize the joy they bring, or if it's that we are at a good point in our lives (good jobs, just bought our "forever" home with plenty of room, have a savings, etc.) and we're feeling more comfortable and excited about the idea of children. At the same time, we haven't planned for children so we have no separate savings or anything. So, it's just nerve wracking to just change gears all of a sudden...

So my question - did you always know you wanted kids and if so, what did you do to prepare for them before you had them? Can you prepare? How do people afford $1500/month in daycare!? :-)

hecklet · March 2014

Nope, I always thought I didn't want kids. All the sudden that changed, like turning on a light switch. My husband would support me with either decision. I think the most important thing is to just put some money away every month- cushion your savings as much as possible. We started planning about 10 months before TTC. I think the other thing is that your life will change quite a bit after adding a little one- we most likely wont be spending as much on things like vacations, going out to eat, etc- that money will go towards daycare.

theholmanherd · March 2014

I have not always wanted kids. But since getting married, both my husband and I have changed our minds. We now want 3 kids. My MIL runs a daycare so we won't have that cost. My husband owns his own business and I only work Fri/Sat nights at a restaurant. I will be able to home with our kids and when I work, my husband will be able to watch them.

jnnfrrose6 · March 2014

Yes, I knew I wanted kids, but DH and I both decided to wait until we were in a place we were both ready to make it happen. This included moving out of NYC and back to Georgia where I grew up, as well as paying down some debt and building up some savings.

I seem to be the only response (so far) that does have to factor in child care. It's not $1500/month, but it's close. We make that work because while it cuts into what we used to use for "entertainment" month to month (dinners and nights out), we aren't having those as much anyways now, so it balances out (not that we were anywhere near spending that much monthly going out, but you find places for that money to come from). Also, I have one of those dependent care accounts through work that deducts childcare costs pre-tax from my paycheck. I essentially don't even "see" that money when I get my paycheck, so we've learned to live with my slightly lower check and then when I get the money back from work it's like a little bonus (I know not technically how it works, but I always seem to forget I'm going to get this check after I've already paid for daycare, so it seems like a "bonus" to me).

One of the recommendations I see regularly for people asking similar questions like you is to take a look at your budget and start saving. Start a "baby fund" and put aside what you think you'd need monthly if you have a child. It'll give you a great way to start a rainy day fund as well as get you used to living with those extra costs when the baby does come.

mm529 · March 2014

Nope. I was in the "don't want them but also never really saw a future without them" group. I expected that to change as DH and I grew as a couple and he knew and supported me either way. About 3 months ago I woke up and realize that the idea of kids filled me with joy and not panic. It was a total light switch change! Threw DH for a loop (he claims he always knew I would get there) but he was thrilled. We started planning our pre-baby bucket list, saving more, and are trying to learn all we can about TTC and parenthood. We will probably start trying in a year.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

No, I didn't always want them. I weirdly woke up one day (after having been married a few years) and it was like a light switch went off.

The only think you can really do to prepare is to save as much as humanly possible, because kids and babies will suck you dry.

kcisthebombdotcom · March 2014

No. I've never really liked kids (still don't universally like other people's kids). I decided about a year prior to ttc that I wanted them. We made a plan how to get in a place where we would be financially comfortable with bringing one home. We never really had to worry about daycare costs as I sah. I do waitress two nights a week when dh is home to take care of the kids for spending money. Preschool hasn't been a financial issue as dh has gotten raises since I stopped working.

Ardmhs83 · March 2014

I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. We did get married, did some traveling and bought a home before getting pregnant. We waited about two years after all of that before trying. We didn't have a large bank account beforehand and we still don't. If we waited for a large bank account, I still wouldn't have a child. We do have plenty to provide for everything thing he needs though.

I live in a pretty rural area and our childcare is $500 a month. Which is a lot for this area, but you just make it work. You cut back on other things that you can cut back on, in order for it to work.

nopegoat · March 2014

I have always wanted two kids. H was kind of iffy on whether he actually wanted any or not. We definitely were not ready to have kids when I got pregnant with my first, but we quickly got our stuff together and were ready to start TTC#2 a year after my first was born. Now that we have two we are trying for #3 and possibly want 4 total. If I wasn't a sahm we definitely wouldn't be able to afford 3-4kids.

sschwege · March 2014

Always, so much so that I never would have gotten into a serious relationship with someone if they didn't want kids as well.

I think the main thing we did to prepare was to buy a home that we could afford on DH's salary alone. I ended up not going back to work and having a home that only factored one person's salary was huge for us. Then cutting the smaller things, cable, eating out less, etc.

PuppyLove84 · March 2014

I always figured I would but never gave it much thought, until one day when I was 23 - bam! One day I just woke up wanting kids. Of course I was single and barely out of college...lol. But several years later, going into our marriage, both my husband and I knew we wanted kids. We've gotten all our ducks in a row and hope to start TTC soon. My salary is more than the cost of daycare, so I'll probably keep working for kid #1. If we have a kid #2, and my salary is not covering 2 kids in daycare, I might stay home. However this is all theoretical, who knows what will happen in real life!

bumpuser794640 · March 2014

I never had a burning desire for children when I was younger, but always thought I'd be a mom one day. DH and I both knew we wanted to have kids together and discussed this while dating/engaged. After we were married about two years the baby fever hit hard and we began TTC.

It was a long road for us (IF and adoption process which resulted in placement just 6 weeks ago), about 5.5 years. I did a massage therapy program and grad school in the time it took us to become parents, and we became much more financially stable in that time, as well. However, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM, so we don't have daycare costs to consider (and my salary wasn't really high enough to make it worth me working/commuting), but I think the going rate around here is about $125/week for infants, so obviously DC costs vary greatly depending on location.

2Swanns · March 2014

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. All of my friends seem to have always wanted babies and I felt alone. Glad to hear there are many others in the same boat. Interesting to hear someone say, "Didn't want them but didn't see a future without them." Exactly how I feel. My husband is super supportive and could see the positives either way, so as soon as I started even leaning in the other direction, he was on board.

I live in Boston, so daycare is going to be up there. It would be awesome if I had a job that offered daycare on site, or if my parents lived in the area but that isn't the case. I'm shocked at how expensive daycare is but at the same time, you obviously want the best in care for your child. It's not where you want to spare expenses!

Thanks again for sharing your experiences with me!

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