Intro and a question

angelsnight · March 2014

Hi everyone...I'm almost ready to join this board, my rainbow will be here next week so I wanted to say hello. A quick into, MH and I have been married for almost 3.5 years, and it's been almost 3 years since we started TTC, We had an early loss, and last March we lost our daughter Kayla at 22 weeks. We are now pregnant with our second daughter, my induction is scheduled for a week from today.

My question is, how did you feel as you approached the arrival of your rainbow? Everyone keeps squealing, "aren't you so excited"? 'Can you hardly wait"...and this makes me feel like a terrible mom because my honest answer is yes I can wait. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to be pregnant with her and I cannot wait to meet her in the hospital....but it's after that I am terrified of. Last time I didn't have a child that depended on me in the hospital, that we got to take home. I've got so many emotions going through me right now, I don't know how to feel.

I'm so in love with her already, but I'm so terrified of her arrival and taking her home. I feel like I should be ecstatic, but I'm not. Everyone is hoping she'll arrive any day now but I'm like eh, she can wait till her induction date. I know it would be emotional anyway, but the following Monday will be our angel's first angelversary, so it just adds to the conflicting emotions to be back at the same hospital (though we love it, which is why we chose to still go there) almost a year to the day delivering again. Just wondering if anyone else felt this way before their rainbow arrived?

stefuge · March 2014

I haven't given birth to a rainbow, but I can relate to many of your feelings with my first son, and I would say what you are feeling is completely normal! With DS1, I was in no hurry for him to be born. Okay, being honest, I was terrified of the parenting part and was quite content to stay pregnant! And now, having survived new-parent-hood, it is tough. But you get through it.

It is also completely understandable to have mixed feelings with Kayla's angelversary just around the corner. You have a lot going on in the next few weeks! My advice would be to just let yourself feel what you are feeling, cry if you need to, scream if you need to, laugh if you need to, and enjoy the arrival of your sweet second daughter. ((hugs))

Mom2anAngel2 · March 2014

I completely get it. I felt the same way. I dreaded going back to L&D because my only memories were of my loss. I hated being there after we had our son and knowing that all the other women were snuggling with their babies and we were not. I think leaving after our loss was the worst. I hated being wheeled out in the wheel chair with a memory box on my lab instead of a baby.

I was nervous through my entire labor. I forgot about my nerves while I was pushing and then once the put DS on my chest, I was completely in love and all of my fears were gone.

Good luck next week. I hope your induction goes smoothly and quick for you.

angelsnight · March 2014

Thanks for the warm welcome, it's so good to know I am not the only one with these feelings. Everyone screeching about how excited I should be made me feel bad. But then again they're excited to meet her, cuddle her and then send her home with me...we get all of the scary new stuff, lol.

graceanne927 · March 2014

Just wanted to send you some warm fuzzies...I had my mc when my dd was just abt to turn 2. So I had a healthy "normal" pregnancy the first go around so I can't truly relate BUT I know I wasn't prepared all the same for the way my heart would gravitate to her. It will be the same for you. Have faith that this time will be different and your heart will be ok and more than anything enjoy this sweet precious time w/ your new little one - it goes by so quickly! HUGS!

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