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My "best friend" just now decided to say something? RANT!

Maxsmommy123112Maxsmommy123112 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
The last time I spoke to my "best friend" (who I've known since I was 8 and regularly see/talk to weekly) was when I told her I miscarried. She said "I'm sorry. That sucks" and hasn't called or text me in over A MONTH! So today she sends me a text that says "love you. Miss you". My response? "Miss you too. I'm surprised I haven't heard from you in awhile". She never responded back.

Am I wrong for calling her out? I'm going through the hardest time in my life following 2 miscarriages back to back and all I get is a TEXT that says "that sucks"?! I guess I should have just pretended like it was ok for her to abandon me when I needed her the most?

Ugh, again, what is wrong with people?!

Should I have just not called her out??
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Re: My "best friend" just now decided to say something? RANT!

  • arschm02arschm02 member
    edited March 2014
    I have been thinking of you *in a totally non-creepy way*. I think the way you approached it was fine. I feel like it didn't really sound bitchy... Even if you intended it to. I think it more so addresses the fact that you've sort of needed her the past month and she hasn't been there. Is it possible she really just doesn't know what to say or how to handle the situation? Regardless, I agree with you that she is totally not being much of a friend at all right now?

     How have things been with your parents?
    "As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen." ~Winnie the Pooh
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  • stephy1221stephy1221 member
    **Siggy warning**

    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. That sucks is how you respond when you friend tells you she wore white and dumped coffee all over herself, does not begin to touch the devastation that is pregnancy loss.

    I am sure this is all most likely her not knowing what to say or do so doing nothing because she is afraid to the wrong thing.

    That doesn't make it right and I think you did the right thing by opening the door to a deeper talk about this. hugs.
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  • Puppies+Rainbows+UnicornsPuppies+Rainbows+Unicorns member
    That isn't cool. How often do you normally talk? Does she have a kid? I have found that some of my childless friends are not very understanding.
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  • Maxsmommy123112Maxsmommy123112 member
    edited March 2014
    Living child mentioned***

    She finally responded! After I said that to her she responded, "sorry I've been busy. How's my Godson" referring to DS. I said "good. Honestly I am pretty hurt that I am going through such a hard time and I haven't heard from you. I don't expect you to visit if you're busy (even though I would visit her!) but at least call and text to see how I'm doing". LONG story short she apologized for being a "shitty friend". She said time got away from her and that she wasn't sure how to handle it. I told her I am hurt but I understand she doesn't get it and all I need is for to act concerned and sympathetic. It ended well. I am grateful for that because the last thing I need is a feud with her. I think she felt really bad. There is no excuse for her behavior but I am willing to let her try to fix it now that I have explained to her what I need and how hurt I am. So I guess that's to be continued.

    @Arschm02 not the greatest. I was/am so hurt by what they said and it's really affected me. Especially the "weak" part. I've noticed I'm now hiding my feelings from everyone, even DH because I feel kind of embarrassed for being sad. I haven't really talked to them since they said that to me.

    DH and I went to see a therapist for the 1st time this week. I really need to learn how to cope with the losses of both babies and I need some insight on how to handle the people around me that are being so hurtful during this tough time. I really think it's going to be good for me.

    Thanks all of you for thinking of me and letting me vent when I need to. I know I probably post on here way too much but it's because you are my only support system besides DH.
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  • arschm02arschm02 member
    Glad it worked out well with your friend. I can't imagine anyone calling someone going through the loss of a child weak, much less my parents. My mom also went through a loss at 11.5 weeks so my parents seem to understand.

    It's great you got into counseling. Last night H said to me, "Your depressed attitude over the last few weeks is really getting to me." Um, hello! We just lost our baby or is it that easy for you to forget! I'm allowed to be depressed sometimes. What a wonderful tool to get into counseling and be able to talk with your H in a safe atmosphere.
    "As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen." ~Winnie the Pooh
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  • barelybarely member
    I totally agree with you and I would've been hurt by this as well. Unfortunately, most people don't truly understand the grief, pain, and just plain hell that someone goes through after a miscarriage unless it's happened to them. I know that I sure didn't. It's certainly not an excuse, but it's the harsh reality. I'm so sorry Hun, we are here for you and we understand
    TTC since 5/13
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    D&C-3/12 
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  • ZimbabyZimbaby member
    I lost my daughter at 27 weeks, nearly 2 years ago, and people said some really stupid things (including asking if we got the baby bonus - government money when you have a baby). My midwife warned me that people would treat me differently and she was right. She said I needed to decide for me how to respond to it. There are people who haven't spoken to me since then and it hurt a lot but I've come to realise that if people can't be there in the tough times they don't deserve to be there in the good times.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, unless people have been through loss themselves they don't understand. They can say some really thoughtless things simply to fill the void.

    I hope you find a way to move through the negative things people say to you and to make peace with yourself.
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  • LeahandshaughnLeahandshaughn member

    I would talk to her about it and that it hurt you that she  just left. but maybe she just didn't know how to handle the situation. when I told my SIL she went off on how lucky her and my brother are because my mother doesn't know were they live and the slept in peace (They don't get along).. I told her "good for you that your doing great when i'm experiencing the most tragic thing in my life". People just deal with awful situation in weird ways, some more stupid than others.

     

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