Opinions, please!

hokiemama06 · March 2014

Dangerous title

DS#2 is due in 2 weeks, via RCS. DS#1 has never spent the night away from home - never really had a need/desire to have him away for the night. DH has been planning on staying at the hospital with me after #2 is born. We had been planning on having my ILs keep him from the night before delivery to the day after we get home (Sun evening - Thurs morning).

However, my MIL suggested today that it might be too much upheaval for him, especially since he's never stayed away at night, and he's going to have a lot of other adjustment. She suggested they keep him during the day, and have DH come home at night so that he gets some time at home with his normal routine. I know it's not hesitation or reluctance to keep him (they're chomping at the bit, quite honestly), but real concern for DS#1 that is causing her to bring this up. I appreciate her point of view in this.

I had been a little uneasy with him being away for so long the first time, especially since it'll be due to the new little brother arriving, and I cannot really prepare him for that.

So, what says J12? Am I being overly worried about DS#1, and should send him off to the ILs for the 4 nights? Or should I send DH home in the evenings so he has that special time with DS#1 (and also gets some sleep)? Or is there a middle ground I'm missing?

ThePinkSuperhero · March 2014

Could the ILs keep him at your house?

lewispm · March 2014

@Thepinksuperhero had a great suggestion! Also, I know I would want MH in the hospital with me, especially after a c/s! It would not be an option for me to be by myself. I was so loopy that first night on pain meds that MH was the one caring for the baby!

I think he will be fine overnight. Kids are so resilient and adapt really quickly! Maybe send him overnight there before the birth to see how he does and (hopefully) ease your mind? It's good for him to get used to things like staying the night away from home, or at home with other people anyway.

So my opinion (you asked for it!) is to definitely have your H stay at the hospital overnight with you and have your IL's stay at your home with DS (if possible). If not possible, let him stay with them at their home. He will be fine

lewispm · March 2014

And, FTR, K spent 4 nights at my parent's when he was 8 months old and 3 nights at our house with my IL's watching him when he was 15 months old. Both times he did wonderfully despite my nerves!

And in July, he will be spending 4 nights at the beach (a new place) with my parents AND my IL's while MH and I vacay elsewhere. I'm a bit nervous, but I know he will be fine

Tink522 · March 2014

Dh always went home at night after my cs. I asked him to so the boys would be comfortable. Also, my grandmother told me my mom wasn't coming home after her cs because she loved the new baby more (yes she is cruel). When she got an infection and had to stay longer I just about lost my mind (this was before siblings could visit). Thankfully my dad came home every day telling me she loved me and it wasn't true. I never wanted my kids to be afraid I was leaving them for the new baby.

apollonia10 · March 2014

For DS #2, we're having DH go back home in the evenings to have dinner, bedtime, sleep, and breakfast with DS at home. I figure DS will have enough changes in the next few days, plus having DH will hopefully make up for the fact that I'm not there for a while.

hokiemama06 · March 2014

Thanks for the suggestions, guys. All great points to mull over.

@PaddyB - He's really familiar with my ILs (he sees them at least once a week), but I worry that might make it worse, since he'll be visiting us at the hospital and likely won't want to leave us there. Then to have him see DH later only to go to bed might make it worse. Or he could just be a champ and roll with the punches.

@Thepinksuperhero & @Alou9785 - They certainly could, I just hate to put them out when they live about 5 minutes away from us.

@lewispm - I am a little concerned about the meds after the C/S. I had a rough time last time, but I think it's because we labored so long before I had the C/S. But, I think we're scheduled early, so that'll give me a lot of time to get those out of my system. Plus, the nursing staff were wonderful at the hospital, so if I needed something, I know I could buzz them. I do like the idea of a trial run, but we'll see if DH is on board with that. I know the ILs will be!

aylafsu88 · March 2014

All the PPs had great ideas. I would say suggest having the IL stay at your house and having your H run home to spend some time with DS at dinner/bed time. This way he still has some routine and you have your H with you.

britbratjf · March 2014

I would have the IL's keep him at least the first night. With the catheter and pain meds I was unable to do much for Dagny on the first night so I would T least want H there for that. Then I would reevaluate after seeing how your LO does at the ILs. If he's doing great then maybe do a second night but then I would probably send H home for the third night. I only stayed 3 nights in the hospital for my CS.

zyas · March 2014

I would send my H home at night. When I had my c-section he went home each evening cause we have so many animals that needed to be looked after. Also it allowed him to get some sleep. I doubt sleeping in the fold out bed/chair thing is very comfy in the hospital room. Next time around we'll do the same thing as he'll also have Ava to look after and she's never spent a night away from us both.

hokiemama06 · March 2014

Thanks for all the thoughts, ladies. DH and I talked it over last night, and I think we've found a compromise. He'll do a trial run on Friday night with the ILs, then MIL will come over early the morning of the surgery. DH will stay the first night with me, then will come home every other night. I think we might have found a good balance, but who knows? The kid could totally surprise me, and be fine with the whole thing.

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