When will you tell your boss?

CourtMomOf1 · March 2014

Hi ladies! I'm sure this question has been asked a lot on here, but I went back a few pages and didn't see anything or may have missed it.

With DD1 a few years ago I told my boss right away, mostly due to having gallbladder issues as well and I had to be hospitalized early on because I was dehydrated and couldn't keep anything down. I've switched departments since, and we actually went through a downsize a few weeks before I found out this time. My supervisor has been teasing me for months that I couldn't get pregnant if we downsized. I know she's joking but I'm so nervous to tell her. I'd like to tell her before my first appointment so she knows that I might take longer over my lunch hour, but I'd also like to keep it quiet until after that and more confirmation (blood test confirmed last week that I was 4-6 weeks, so I'm still very in this pregnancy.) We have a really good working relationship, but she can be moody and I know its going to put a strain on her when I go out on maternity leave, so I feel bad about that.

We also have a situation where its a coworker's birthday this weekend and we are all going out for girls night. I offered to DD, but she mentioned stopping beforehand and using some Capital Grille gift cards we got for Christmas to have a drink. I work for a wine & spirits distributor, and I also now have to abstain from our tastings and stuff when we have meetings every Friday, which is totally fine by me, but I know will raise some questions. I'd rather not hide it, but I would like to wait until at least after my first appointment.

Solstice7118 · March 2014

It's easy enough to work around those issues. You can just tell her that you have a doctor's appointment and might be late; she doesn't need to know what it's for. And for your Friday meetings and the girls night, you can say you're on antibiotics or some other medication that prevent you from indulging. That said, you'll feel a lot less guilty once you do spill, so if you're comfortable telling her this early (as in, if something were to go wrong you wouldn't mind that she knew) I would just tell her. It would make a lot of things easier...

CourtMomOf1 · March 2014

I wouldn't really mind if she knew and something were to go wrong. I think I'm just nervous in general about telling her. I think you're right and I would feel a lot better letting her know. I can't decide if I should do it this week, or wait until we are out on Saturday. I prefer to do it before then, though.

Solstice7118 · March 2014

Maybe tell her on Friday? I know with my first, I was FREAKED out about telling my boss and then once I told him it was totally no big deal. Of course I had been there for six years (this time, I've only been here for 4 months...my due date is my 1 year anniversary - oops!) so it was a little better. Telling her Saturday could go either way. On the one hand she might be more relaxed outside of work and take it better. Or she could feel really awkward to be at a bar (restaurant?) with you where you're supposed to be getting drinks. You would probably know which is more likely, though. Good luck!

RachelCA29 · March 2014

I think it depends on the relationship, but you two seem to have a pretty good report. I think if you feel comfortable telling her, then telling her Friday would make sense. Just because she knows doesn't mean that you have to tell everyone, and you could ask her to keep it quiet from others until you feel more comfortable making a general announcement.

A co-worker I am fairly close with found out I was pregnant basically the week I did (we were on a coffee run when I got the confirmation call from my nurse) and it was very nice to have someone close to me know, and be a bit protective of the information before I told others at work. While, this person was in no way my boss ... so it might not be exactly the same for you.

abbyful · March 2014

I told my boss immediately, more out of necessity. I had to have betas done, and we're in crunch-time for a major software release (I'm a programmer), so I'd rather him know I'm pregnant than to think I'm slacking off & leaving early while the rest of the team works their butts off. I would have preferred to wait until 2nd tri.

As far as drinking, when I was pregnant with DS I would just drink cranberry juice & ginger ale, maybe add a twist of lime, it looks like a mixed drink.

mb314 · March 2014

I'm going to wait until the 2nd tri (or at least until after my NT scan at 11 - 12 weeks), unless I develop horrible morning sickness and need to vomit regularly in the work bathroom. Hopefully that won't happen. I like my boss, but she doesn't need to know about my pregnancy this early on when there are so many unknowns.

CourtMomOf1 · March 2014

Thanks for all the responses ladies!

I actually ended up telling her this morning. We somehow got on the subject of vacations and how we were going to have to work it out in advance with it being just us 2. At that point I couldn't hold it in any longer because I just felt guilty about not letting her in on it, since we are working to figure everything out with it being just us 2 now. She was excited! She told me not to worry about anything and that we'd figure it out... I told her I debated on waiting to tell her after my first appointments and more confirmations, but that I just couldn't keep it from her any longer with the discussions we've been having. She understands and I know she won't say anything until I'm ready.

CourtMomOf1 · March 2014

@SaraML13 - if I were you... I'd wait. There's no reason for them to know yet. I wouldn't want to undermine an opportunity that you're being given, and see what happens with it first.

I think in my situation it was just best to come out with it. If something is to happen, she would probably need to know in case I need a day off or something.

Solstice7118 · March 2014

CourtMomOf1 said:

Thanks for all the responses ladies!

I actually ended up telling her this morning. We somehow got on the subject of vacations and how we were going to have to work it out in advance with it being just us 2. At that point I couldn't hold it in any longer because I just felt guilty about not letting her in on it, since we are working to figure everything out with it being just us 2 now. She was excited! She told me not to worry about anything and that we'd figure it out... I told her I debated on waiting to tell her after my first appointments and more confirmations, but that I just couldn't keep it from her any longer with the discussions we've been having. She understands and I know she won't say anything until I'm ready.

Yay! I'm so glad it worked out. Now you can relax and banish the guilt! Congrats

Solstice7118 · March 2014

CourtMomOf1 said:

@SaraML13 - if I were you... I'd wait. There's no reason for them to know yet. I wouldn't want to undermine an opportunity that you're being given, and see what happens with it first.

SaraML13 - I echo the above (not that you asked :P)

CourtMomOf1 · March 2014

Solstice7118! I feel a ton better!

linnae939 · March 2014

I just told today at 10w3d, It was very exciting, my boss was very supportive, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He also assured me he would tell no one (though the lunch lady asked me, and a friend who knows said it looked like I was showing yesterday...yaaay bloat!!!) Working in an industry like yours, I see how it might raise some flags, but it's no ones business but your own until you're ready to tell.

Maggie6424 · March 2014

I told mine early this time, at the end of last week. The only reason I did so early is because I had a missed mc in Nov and had to have a d&c. I had to tell her what was going on at the time so she wouldn't freak out if I randomly started crying. She knew we were going to try again, and just in case this pregnancy didn't stick I wanted her to know.

bf43005 · March 2014

I had to tell my job almost right away. The middle of last year I was put in charge of a pretty high profile client project that was two phases. The second phase required me to move across country for 4-5 months to work at the client's office. Due to the client working at a snails pace this got delayed a ton and I should have already been there and completed the project, but they were still talking stuff out and thinking it wouldn't start for another few months. At the last communication the end of the project was supposed to be about a month after baby is due to arrive. That wasn't exactly going to work and I wanted to give them as much notice as possible to find a replacement.

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