New Yorker Article with Sandy Hook Shooter's Dad

Re: New Yorker Article with Sandy Hook Shooter's Dad

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  missyishere member

  March 2014

  I don't know.  I am just not fond of his wording or something.  He seems to make the situation about himself, when it was apparent his son needed additional help.  I guess he's afforded his feelings, but I don't think I could ever feel that way about my girls.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Parenting Floozie Brigades official motto:  We welcome to you the board with open legs.  Also, open beers. ~@cinemagoddess
  

  
  

  
  
  

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  ppants member

  March 2014

  My brother is mentally ill and has been for years.  I can't even tell you the last time he had 6 continuous months of a typical life, job, etc.  It's very sad and hopeless sometimes.   

  Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD

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  ferris0906 member

  March 2014

  CTGirl30 said:

  I don't think it's really possible to say how any of us would feel if we ever (God forbid) found ourselves in such a position as a parent.

  His feelings on the matter are his feelings. No one else is in his shoes.

  This is one the things that terrifies me most.  There are so many things I cannot control (my son's genetic profile, the possibility of him having/developing a serious psychiatric disorder), and other things I may be able to influence but cannot guarantee I can help him avoid (bullying, etc.) that could lead my own child to commit a horrible, horrible crime like this.  It terrifies me that people go through such awful things that could lead them to wish their own child was never born.  

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  ASmallWonder member

  March 2014

  I'm having a lot of feels.  He didn't speak to his son for two years because his son didn't want to see him.  At some point you have to accept that someone doesn't want you in their life and back off, even if it's not what you want.  He was grown and was allowed to make his decision on that matter even though, in hindsight, maybe the father could have helped him.

  
  

  In making this allll about me, @mrsbadkat your comment about how him not speaking to his son meant he never loved his son stung.  I have a very fucked up relationship with both of my parents.  My father, who lives one hour away, has met my youngest 1 time in over 9 months.  I have not seen him since August or spoken to him since November and at this point, if I don't call him, I'm not sure I ever will again.  He absolutely loved me and my brother growing up but sometimes there are issues and situations we don't understand so it's hard to read that people think his lack of recent involvement with his son meant he never loved him.

  Formerly known as elmoali

  
  

  
  

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  ASmallWonder member

  March 2014

  @mrsbadkat I'm really sorry to hear that  I can absolutely see why you feel the way you do about the situation, I just don't feel the same about it.   My parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad was a good dad, just a shitty husband.  My mom was very clear that, until or unless we had a legitimate issue with him, we were to go on our weekly visits because if they had remained married, we wouldn't have had a choice in whether or not to see him (in other words, we couldn't get pissed at him for getting in trouble and refuse to go with him, kwim?)  I agree with that.  

  
  

  Adam Lanza was 20 when he went on that rampage and that means his father hadn't seen him since he was 18.  He was an adult.  What do you think the father should have done?  We don't know the father isn't horrible.  My mother waffles on whether or not to accept that I refuse to have a relationship with her.  When she goes through a phase of refusing to respect my wishes, she makes my life hell.  Just because she's the parent doesn't mean her wishes should trump mine.

  Formerly known as elmoali

  
  

  
  

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  sarahinthecity10 member

  March 2014

  What bothered me was that they knew he wrote violent stories about killing people, namely children, he had mental issues and they still taught him how to shoot and had guns in the home. I hate guns so that's another story but if my child exhibited those tendencies I would never allow them east access to guns.

  

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  newenglander71 member

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  I live in CT and a local paper carried another article yesterday about the same thing, but with more details.  Basically, the father tried to contact the kid and in the article says I couldn't show up at his door and force him to visit with me.  And there was a recent interaction right before Thanksgiving (so a few weeks before shooting) where the mother asked the father to buy Adam a computer and the father asked to give it to him personally and the mother "had to check with the son" and never got back to the father.  So there's more here than this story implies.
  

  

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