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Very sad about not being there as much for my son.

miaalishiamiaalishia member
in Working Moms
When I was pregnant with my son Raiden I was determined to give nothing but the best when he came into the world. My whole world change the second I was born. I fell in love instantly. I was going to keep my word and give him the world. Lately I've been very upset with myself. I feel like I'm lacking as a mother. I became a manager 7 months ago,making me work 60 hours a week making everyday so much shorter than it should be with my son. I'm expected to be very focused at work and give all that I have. I come home so tired that when I wake up in the morning with my son after making him breakfast...I fall asleep on him, can't play with him, and since I work nights from 3pm-2 am....I can't hardly lay him down and watch his eyes flutter to go to sleep, read bedtime stories, and cook him dinner. His dad/boyfriend, my parents and boyfriends parents are so amazing and does so much for Raiden. I just don't know what to think of myself. I'm trying so hard to do my share with having a job and paying half the bills, but I feel like love is more than money. Why can't life be easy? Why do I do this to my baby because of my feelings I'm writing in a journal every night to read when he grows up. Hopefully he doesn't think I'm neglecting him intentionally and maybe he will see how hard I tried to do what I can for my honey.
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Re: Very sad about not being there as much for my son.

  • rubber_chickenrubber_chicken member
    You can go through life fixating on the negative, or you can focus on the positive.  It's a choice you make. 

    Who says you aren't giving your son the best?  He has a mother who adores him, who has a great up-and-coming career that will help provide him with future opportunities.  He has a father and grandparents to spend quality time with and love.  He has a roof over his head and food in his belly. 

    You're doing a great job.  And you're a great parent.  I guarantee you, no father (working or otherwise) ever bothered with the thoughts you're having. 


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  • miaalishiamiaalishia member
    Thank y'all so much. :) really helped a lot!
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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    edited March 2014
    rubber_chicken said:
     I guarantee you, no father (working or otherwise) ever bothered with the thoughts you're having. 


    Maybe your kid's father isn't. But mine is. My DH is really upset if he has to work in the evening sometimes and doesn't get to see DS. He is as upset as I am if I don't get to see him.

    Thank God what you said isn't true of all men.

    OP--if you truly feel that your family life is suffering, there are other jobs you could consider. They may not have the career status or the pay, but that's something you and your DH could negotiate.

    I took a job with a lot more flexibility when I had my son. It doesn't the same benefits or upward mobility, but it works much better for life with a child.I am on staff at my church.

    My DH took family time in consideration when he changed jobs recently and chose one with a better work/life balance. It can work both ways.
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  • rubber_chickenrubber_chicken member
    really, your husbands spend their days wishing they could quit their jobs and stay at home?  sure, my husband loves spending time with our daughter, but he doesn't worry that she doesn't know him because he works.  i have yet to meet a father in real life who worried that working made him a bad father.
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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    @ Rubber chicken...no, my DH doesn't spend his days wishing he could quit his job. But the PP said  "I guarantee you, no father (working or otherwise) ever bothered with the thoughts you're having." 

    My husband would be bothered, like the OP is, if he had to work 60 hours a week. That's totally different than spending his days wanting to quit his job. When he was considering multiple job offers recently, he chose the one that gave him the best work/life balance. So some men do consider the number of hours they work and the effect that has on time with their families. 

    Sure, some men don't worry about it. Other dads do quit their jobs and stay home. Most are in the middle, I'd say.
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  • CarrieB.CarrieB. member
    My DH does stay home with our kids during the day and he loves it. He is more patient than me and less social, so it works out great that he is home during the day. I know that he wishes he didn't have to work so many evenings, so we could have more time together as a family.

    I think it's really awful and sexist to say that men are not interested in work life balance or that only moms make good stay at home parents.
    IVF, acupuncture, meditation and a miracle. 

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  • miaalishiamiaalishia member
    edited March 2014
    Y'all have helped me so much! I can't appreciate it more. It made me see a whole new perspective.
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  • rodiesmumrodiesmum member
    Hugs to you. Mommy guilt comes whether you sahm or work or be in between. You are working hard not just for yourself but for your kid too so that means you're doin ur best

    i love you, my little mooncake mahal kita
     
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