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The battle between mind and heart.

HopeNotLostHopeNotLost member
in 1st Trimester
**I apologize ahead of time, there is some TMI involved.

I've posted before about the rollercoaster I'm on.  I had my tubes tied and 14 months later found out I am pregnant.  My betas doubled at first, then slowed down, but continued to rise.  The doctor saw a gestational sac, and then a fetal pole and yolk sac, as well as a SCH.  He was concerned about a pseudo sac being in my uterus but possibly the embryo being in my fallopian tube, so I was sent to a perinatologist.  The perinatologist performed a u/s on 2/28 and there was a heartbeat in the 110-120 range.  He scheduled me for another u/s for 3/12 but said that in the meantime I may miscarry since my betas were not going up as much as they should. 

Fast forward to this past Friday, and I started to spot light pink.  My mind kept telling me this was what both doctors warned me of, that I would likely miscarry.  But then I started thinking maybe it was just the SCH starting to leak out of me, or the placenta moving.  I know many people who had spotting, and everything was fine for them.  My heart was telling me to keep hope.  The spotting continued all week, and then turned to bright red mucousy stuff today (sorry tmi).  I called my regular OB and he basically said to keep my appointment with the perinatologist for 3/12 as there really isn't anything that can be done right now if I am miscarrying. 

My heart hurts.  The baby wasn't even supposed to happen, but by some miracle it did...and now I probably won't be able to meet him or her.  I'm afraid of the news on Wednesday.  The finality of it.  I'm afraid to see the screen with no heartbeat.  I'm afraid of the pain I will experience with a miscarriage.  I'm just so sad.  :(
Mama of 3 earth babies and 1 beautiful angel baby
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Re: The battle between mind and heart.

  • bf43005bf43005 member
    I'm just very sorry to hear you are dealing with all of this.  Sending T&P your way. 


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  • CourtMomOf1CourtMomOf1 member
    I'm so very sorry. I hope the time passes quickly for you, I know the anticipation and waiting can be agony. Thoughts and prayers. I hope everything turns out well. 
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