My MIL just asked me if her pastor (who we've never met) could visit us in the hospital...

Amberjewel80 · March 2014

I've/we've never met her pastor, and she texted me today to ask if he could visit us while we are in the hospital... To give a bit of background, DH and I have been together almost 15 years, Married 10 and are 34 years old. And this is our first child. We have a pretty strong relationship, and are both quite aware of the "faults" in each others family members as well as our own. I get along with his mother ok, but we are both aware that we don't agree on almost anything to do with religion or politics... and for the most part try to ignore it. We had been to her previous church 10+ years ago when we were engaged first because she had asked us to come a few times (and I was happy to because I knew she just wanted us to come so she could show off her son..thats her way) And she later asked us to have her pastor marry us. We were fine with that since we had no other arraignment... but it fell through (Even though the pastor never came out and said so, we believed it was because we wanted an outdoor wedding at my parents home, and he didn't care for that idea, primarily because it would have meant less money for the church). Anyways we found someone else to preform the ceremony, and we just LOVED him. And we eventually began to seriously dislike her pastor the more we attended services with her. She is at a different church now, and we have never attended services with her there, so we have never met her pastor there... When she asked me (via text) I was a bit shocked... I saw her asking us about having our DD christened in her church in the near future (I have mixed feelings on my answer to that when she does ask), But I never expected she would ask to bring a complete stranger to the HOSPITAL to meet us... I suppose I should add that we have not had an easy pregnancy... We are just shy of 37 weeks and have been in preterm labor for 8 weeks now... we have been put to the test with this pregnancy... SEVEAR morning sickness right from the beginning so bad I had to be given I.V. fluids, and put on meds...that lasted or the first 6months or so... then what I thought was Braxton hicks turned out to be preterm labor... Bed rest... steroid injections to develop her just incase they couldn't get it stopped...and the Dr. said we were just pushing to get to 35 weeks... THEN we went in for our last biweekly appointment and the I had a really high blood pressure even tho Im normally low, and the anti contraction meds are also for blood pressure.... so they took me off of it and ran an additional battery of tests thinking I might be pre eclamptic. Im not thankfully, but her growth has fallen way off with a number of other things that make her borderline and the Dr. said if things decline just the slightest she will be preforming a C-section next week... SO, With all of this going on, I'm thinking do I really want the additional stress of meeting a complete stranger at the hospital while I am likely to be at my worst, and trying to learn how to breast feed and be a mom for the very first time...? I felt like I had to give her SOME sort of an answer... and my husband said it didn't bother HIM, but It was up to me since I was the one going through everything (love him)...I just told her we would have to let her know while we were in there, because I didn't want to be meeting someone if I wasn't feeling very well and was sitting around in nothing but a hospital gown...but on the other hand If I was feeling pretty well and was able to get dressed, that I would likely be ok with it..... How would the rest of you ladies feel about this...?

ncbelle · March 2014

Your birth - your choice. Say no and that's the end of it. I personally don't want anyone around after birth as that's a special time for my DH and our children. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself!

Verstej2 · March 2014

I agree with PPs, I would say no too. The time right after birth is a special time for me and my DH and other children. I wouldn't be comfortable with a total stranger there at all.

actinup23 · March 2014

Yep. As someone who had an unwanted surprise visitor pop in right after DD was born, it was awkward and uncomfortable. I do think it might be better if you and DH talk to her together and present a united front. Stress that you want time to bond as a family for the first few days- hard to argue with that.

Nicolewinsbingo · March 2014

Nope. Mayyyybe at home later. NOT at the hospital.

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

I'd say "no thank you, MIL. Family & close friends only please." Your birth, your choice.

saraapuzzo24 · March 2014

No way. I agree with everyone.

HurleySe · March 2014

I would say absolutely not! I will be recovering from either major surgery or labor and I don't think that I will be in a mood to meet your pastor.. Such a bad timing on her part.

Justabean3 · March 2014

There is no telling how you will be. I threw up 12 hrs straight that they couldn't control. I wanted no one there.

I would just say no

Katrinamu · March 2014

That's a whole lot of nope! If you plan to breast feed you might be in the middle of trying to establish that. Then have a stranger come interrupt? No way. Im sure she'll understand if you explain that you could possibly be recovering from surgery, that you BOTH (being key here) would prefer no visitors.

Checca23 · March 2014

I agree with all the PP. Hopefully your delivery will go smoothly but if it does not, you may not want the additional stress of meeting someone for the first time in the hospital.

Kriztyn · March 2014

NO WAY! Sorry... that is a lot to ask of you!

RedInLove · March 2014

I would say no. Even if you have plans or are willing to consider joining her church or having LO baptized in her church, there's no reason to have that conversation while you're still in the hospital. If you really want to explore her church, you can do that at any time you are ready to. And if the pastor is putting any pressure on having this meeting so quickly, then he wouldn't be the pastor for me.

AmandaMacD · March 2014

That would be a no! Is she serious? I'd tell hubby that he can tell her or you can. My hubby would most certainly opt to do the telling.

Pepper6 · March 2014

No way in hell! We're allowing immediate family only, and that's after H and I get a few hours alone first. I'd be pretty upset if anyone asked to bring a complete stranger to my hospital room, it's just really inappropriate.

tjkdlhb · March 2014

um... no. no. no. no. no

YTLCNURSE · March 2014

I would say no. There will be so much going on at the hospital that you don't want a complete stranger there. Trust me you are going to want your privacy. Being a new mommy, trying to bond with LO, breastfeeding, and not to mention the nurses coming in to do fundal and lochia checks and vital signs every few hours or so. If I were you I would wait until I'm at home and settled in good and have somewhat of a routine with LO.

Brissett · March 2014

Just say no! There is no reason you can't meet him after you leave the hospital. Plus giving birth is unpredictable so you should allow yourself those few days to handle things as them come without added stress.

LyndseylovesHugh · March 2014

Not only would I say hell no to coming to the hospital (I didn't even let friends come to the hospital last time, immediate family only), but I would not tell her he could come to the house after. Religion is a completely personal choice and not something that should be pushed on you. You have never met him and there is no reason to meet him unless you decide you want to check out his church, and in that case you would meet him at church, not in your home with a newborn. We go through things like this a lot with my ILs and I have had to learn to just say no to all things religious because the one time I conceded they took that to mean I would be open to other things, so now we just say no to everything because neither H nor I have any interest in their church.

LEIGHLOVE09 · March 2014

Absolutely not! The hospital was pretty stressful for me last time with all the visitors. I'm really hoping I don't have as many this time around.

Amberjewel80 · March 2014

I'm not really sure her reasons for wanting him to come to the HOSPITAL to meet us for the first time... (to pray over her, to try to get us to join their church...she has asked us to attend services with her before but we haven't as of yet, or if they are going to try to get us to have our DD christened) I suppose I should have asked... not sure it would make TOO much of a difference to me...but a short prayer would be more acceptable than a meeting trying to get us to join the church... IF its to try to get us to join, I'm not sure that I would be super comfortable with him coming to our home after we are released either... I think that would just be a waste of his time since the church is 30-40 minute drive from our house... if we wanted to join one we have an entire town full to choose from within minutes of us...

I certainly don't have any problem speaking my mind with her, and she knows this...lol. And as far as having my DH tell her...lol... when she wants something I'M the one she asks... its been that way for years... possibly because she is more likely to get an answer out of me...even if its not the one she wants.... he tends to ignore her if he doesn't want to talk to or answer her. For some reason I get drug into the middle of EVERYTHING in their family... even with his 2 older sisters kids (who are all now 16-24 years old)... I'm always the go between when she is having issues with one of them, or wants to know how they are doing, or get gift ideas... everything... Even thought nine times out of ten she knows she wont like what I have to say or wont agree with her...she always asks me anyways... So communication isn't a problem for me...lol. I just honestly thought it was a weird thing to ask...and as a first timer, am not sure how I would feel about it once in there...? But it seems a pretty unanimous no with you guys so far... I just sent my husbands cousins wife a msg asking her if she was asked as well, and if they let him come... HER MIL is my MIL's sister and they attend church together... I don't know why I didn't think of asking her sooner.... they just had their first child 5 months ago,

awc1986 · March 2014

Nooooononono. I think your MIL needs to learn to respect your boundaries, not just now but all the time. Why is her pastor so important? He's not your pastor. Sounds like she's trying to drum up business for the church. It's beyond interfering and very presumptuous.

DH and I are atheists, but his dad is catholic and my dad is an inter-faith minister. FIL is desperate for SIL to have her boys baptised, like they'll be smited if they're not and my dad keeps telling me all about God's plan and God's will. I don't appreciate it from either party and I won't take their influence when it comes to my pregnancy, birth or raising my child.

RebeccaY1 · March 2014

I would just say no. Why the drama? If she asks why, just say it's not your pastor and don't feel comfortable with it. It doesn't need to be a big dramatic event.

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My MIL just asked me if her pastor (who we've never met) could visit us in the hospital...

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