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March 2014 Moms
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Refusal=weekend argument

springbaby03springbaby03 member
in March 2014 Moms
I told dh I had no plans on cooking this weekend. So all weekend was ongoing arguing/silent treatment.

I've got 8 days till rcs, been to ld twice and I'm just getting over a stomach virus.
He works, I stay at home with our other two kids. It seems since he brings in the $ and I eat bon bons all day long I'm required to cook for him despite how I may be feeling.

Angry doesn't express how this makes me feel.

We were supposed to review names and select her name this weekend, he's not too interested. Needless to say ill have a list for you ladies to review soon.
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Re: Refusal=weekend argument

  • hemeyer31hemeyer31 member
    Uhhg! DH and I have fights similar to this all the time.. I'm sorry :( it's can be such a struggle sometimes to understand eachother... Especially for them to understand what pregnancy is like! I hope the ice gets broken soon and you guys can resolve it and move on- *hugs*

    In my experience, what I actually said, and what he heard were two totally different things, so I would maybe just ask him how he felt when you told him you weren't cooking, or what he heard you say.. Seriously so weird sometimes. If I said to DH "I'm not cooking for you" I bet he would have heard "I don't care about you". Super bizarre, I know, but you might be surprised at what he says..

    Again, so frustrating, I'm sorry :( I wish we could trade bodies with our hubbies for just one hour so they could feel how miserable late pregnancy is!!
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  • erikaja6erikaja6 member
    I am a stay at home mom to only one kid and am only 33 weeks. I have been getting more tired/uncomfortable lately. I have not had the energy to make dinner every night and when I try to apologize, my husband looks at me like I'm crazy. He'll say "Honey, it's no big deal. You're growing our kid. I can make something for us or we can order take-out". Your husband is being unreasonable. Talk to him about how you feel and also ask him how he feels. Hang in there.
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  • teaforthreeteaforthree member
    I'm sorry your husband is acting like this, OP.  I don't mean to be rude, but his behavior is incredibly childish.  He's an adult, he knows where the kitchen is.  If he can't understand that you're taking care of other kids, very pregnant, and recovering from a stomach bug, I don't know what to say.  It's not even about being "right" in this situation - it's about having compassion for your partner.  Yes, your H works, but the situation you're in warrants some sympathy and extra caring from him because he's your husband and loves you and wants to do whatever he can to make things easier for you.  I'm sorry that he's not providing that for you right now.  I hope things get better for you soon. 
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  • LoveMoose85LoveMoose85 member
    Ugh. Sorry to be blunt, but tell him to make a damn sandwhich! I'm really sorry u are going through this though. My husband would know way better then to expect dinner every night from me. This isn't 1950 after all. I hope he realizes how silly this is, and that U should be being taken care of right now and that u get to discuss name choices soon.
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  • PinupMomma08PinupMomma08 member
    Holy crap. I love to cook, and really right now? I do not have the energy to even attempt it. DH is more than understanding as he watches me drag my ass around here like the hunchback of notre dame.

    Seriously DH behavior like this makes me so grateful. I'm sorry your DH is acting like this. Tell him he needs to pick up a pizza or make a salad. Good Lord. My head is spinning for real.
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  • springbaby03springbaby03 member
    edited March 2014
    Thanks for the input ladies!

    I completely feel the same, its not the 50s make yourself a damned sandwich!

    When the first thing I hear saturday morning is, what are you making me for dinner, I want to shoot lasers from my eyes at him.

    @teaforthree‌ your reply is exactly what I've been trying to get him to grasp, nice to see someone else get it and I'm not crazy.

    Rofl @ PinupMomma08
    I totally getcha on the hunchback reference.
    My energy can go to cooking or cleaning or bathing everyone, baby nesting not all in one day, I just can't.
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  • springbaby03springbaby03 member
    Hahaa! Never thought of it that way my HR department needs to seriously be investigated!
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  • jennybean80jennybean80 member
    I don't cook. Ever. Mainly because I hate doing it, but also because anytime I do DH doesn't like what I make. So I don't bother anymore! He cooks or we eat out/do take out. If he makes something I don't want, or isn't up to cooking it's fend for yourself and I usually eat cereal.

    Your DH is being unreasonable. Gender roles aren't the same as they were in the past, and just because you're at home doesn't make you the only adult able to make something edible. Good luck!!
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  • pepperedmothpepperedmoth member
    I agree with everyone else that he is being totally unreasonable. In fact it took a while for my rage to die down so I could write this calmly!

    I know everyone's marriage is different but mine is based on mutual respect and compromise. I usually do the cooking, yes. But when I don't or can't, he doesn't bat an eye at doing it. He usually does the outside man-chores (trash, compost, taking care of the chickens). When he doesn't or can't, I do it also without batting an eye.

    I don't judge marriages with a stricter division of labor, but it is NOT OK to have the lack of compassion he's showing about it. Srsly. Even if he can't cook, he's a grown man. He can pour himself a bowl of cereal or order takeout perfectly well.

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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  • springbaby03springbaby03 member
    Thanks for the input. I'm glad I'm standing my ground on this on cause I think its bs.

    I'm not giving in on this on so he may have to change his perception on the entire subject.
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  • SomersIslesSomersIsles member
    Stick to your guns! And remember... "People only treat you one way... The way you allow it."
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