Older child visiting hospital after baby's birth?

MommyAtty · March 2014

My DD will be 22 mos when #2 arrives, in about 9 weeks. We are starting to plan how to handle my hospital stay. A big question is whether to bring DD to visit us in the hospital. She will be with her grandparents, who watch her every day, and DH will go home in the evening, do her normal bedtime routine with her, then leave to come back to the hospital overnight to be with me and the newborn. I travel for work, so she's been away from me for 1-2 nights before. What we struggle with is whether coming up and seeing me will just make things harder on her when Grandma and Grandpa take her away from me. Any wisdom is greatly appreciated!

SweetMelissa5 · March 2014

When my second was born, my oldest was 19 months, and he came with my parents to see his new baby sister. He loved seeing her and had no issues leaving with Grandmom and Grandpop when it was time to go (of course, he has always loved spending time with my parents and never seems to suffer any separation anxiety when he's with them). When my youngest was born, kids weren't allowed in to visit at all, so they didn't get to see her until we brought her home, and it wasn't a huge deal to them, but it bothered me enough to make arrangements to go home a day early.

bookworm982 · March 2014

In your situation, I'd wait and have DD just spend time with grandparents. We had our DD come to the hospital when DS was born, but that is only because we don't have family close by and she was having a hard time with the sitter because we'd never been apart for more than a couple hours. Coming to the hospital was the only way to have DH care for her and be with DS and me.

In your place, I'd go for the easier route of getting to know #2 and letting your DD have what will be a fairly normal routine for her. We hope to have a situation more like the one you suggested before we ever have a #3.

krazyinsane · March 2014

I had DD#1 come visit me but that's my preference as we rarely spend a few hours apart let alone days! Did the same with DD#1 and DD#2 and will do it again this time with all three girls. My rule is the big sisters get to meet baby as soon as we're out of the OR.

Danyell4613 · March 2014

We had my 22 month old come to the hospital. It was important to me that both my boys meet their new sister first before anyone else and that we have time as a family to bond. My 22 month old left with my parents (and I have never been away from him over night) perfectly fine. I think it helped him when we brought our daughter home. He adjusted perfectly.

jf198400 · March 2014

DD was 18months when DS was born. She was staying with Mil and Fil while we were in the hospital. She came to visit us both days that we were there. Mil brought her after her nap, when she was happy and rested. She wasn't very interested in the baby mainly just wanted mommy. I recommend having someone else hold the baby so she doesn't get jealous. She enjoyed opening presents for the baby and she liked the flowers and balloons.
Since your DH is planning to do her bedtime with her, this is what I would do. Have grandma bring her to the hospital around dinner time to visit, then DH goes home with her- it will make it easier on her to leave. He does bedtime and then returns to the hospital. I wouldn't worry about it too much, she will be fine.

JulyMomma2U2 · March 2014

My DS was just over a year when I had DS2 last year.. I did want to see him every day, but it wasn't fun.. he was bored, there really wasn't room for him to play, etc.. and, he was kind of afraid of me with the IVs and such in.. didn't like see me laying in the hospital bed, etc.. it was all around not a very pleasant experience.. he was too young to even understand the concept of the baby yet, either..

This time around, we'll have a 26mo and a 14mo old.. I still want to see them once a day, but my expectations are more realistic.. maybe they'll come for 30 minutes.. and that'll be it. We plan to do the same as you, as far as DH going home, helping out with dinner, bathtime and bedtime, etc, and then coming back to stay over with me..

As for upsetting them when they are "leaving" me at the hospital, that wasn't an issue with my son last year as he isn't really clingy with me.. plus, my husband walked him out to the car with my parents, so he kinda didn't even realize my husband wasn't going home with him..

Good luck!

ashiscute · March 2014

My DD was 19.5 mos when DS was born. My parents brought her up to the hospital the next day to meet him and see me. I wanted to wait till I had showered and dressed and was not hooked up to anything for her to see me.

Honestly, she hated being there and was not happy at all. She gave me and DH a hug but was actually clingier to her grandparents. She had no interest in DS. Not sure if I'd do it again. I don't think it made any difference to us bringing him home.

SurpriseAt39 · March 2014

DS1 just hit 16 months and he came to visit me and LO in the hospital after DS2 was born.
I was only away from him for about 12 hours before he came to visit.
He regularly spends 1 night a week away from home, so is used to not seeing me for 30-40 hours once a week.
I was discharged 26 hours after delivery, so I was home the next night.

DS1 was a little cranky at the hospital because he couldn't just run around like at home. He was curious about baby, but didn't know what to do.

I liked being able to have a few family pics at the hospital.
DS1 was much more interested then next day when we got home.

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