Having a really hard week

luciddreamer106 · February 2014

I just passed my 2nd (most recent) loss date last week and am coming up on 3 years since we first started TTC. I've been handling it ok, but this week has been full of triggers and setbacks that it's cued multiple meltdowns. AF showed up last Friday, so I called my RE's office to schedule a baseline u/s so we can move forward with IUI. I was sad to be needing to take that step because the letrozole and TI haven't worked so far, but accepted it and was hopeful that it could work for us.

I had my u/s on Monday and had not received authorization yet for the cycle, so opted to pay the $300 OOP cost so that my whole cycle wouldn't be postponed another month. Well, it turns out that I have a cyst on my left ovary and need to be on BCP for this cycle. I know that it's only (hopefully) one cycle in the grand scheme of things, but I just feel so stuck. I'm heart-broken that it's been 3 years since we started trying and we still don't have a baby on the way, while everyone around us is moving forward with their families so easily. I'm sure you can all relate to this feeling of being left behind by everyone IRL and on TB, too. I hate that my mind keeps comparing our situation to those around us, but I can't help it and just feel so defeated.

jenn0021 · February 2014

Huge huge ((Hugs)). I'm so sorry that you're having a rough week and there are so many triggers. Anniversaries are so hard on this journey. I wish there was more I could say to help but just know that you are not alone and I can relate to so much of what you said. Feeling left behind sucks so much.

sammer818 · February 2014

*HUGS* Loss dates and EDDs are some of the hardest times to get through. I'm sorry that you've had so many triggers and setbacks on top of everything.

luciddreamer106 · February 2014

Jenn and Sammer, thanks for the hugs. I know things could be much worse, it's just so upsetting that it's happening all at once.

jenn0021 · February 2014

Just because things could be worse, doesn't mean that what you are feeling in the here and now doesn't matter.

As a random side note, I LOVE your wedding picture in your siggy. It makes me smile every time I see it.

EKGibs · February 2014

(((((Hugs))))))

uneek1323 · February 2014

((HUGS)) I know how you feel. I compare all the time, to everyone. And then I start the downward spiral of "what did I do to deserve this?" I'm sorry for your anniversary and all the triggers this week. They seem to appear in groups, don't they? I'm thinking about you. xoxox

luciddreamer106 · February 2014

EKGibs, snege, uneek, thank you ladies. It really helps to know that I'm not alone in these feelings. ((hugs)) to all of you as well.

jenkellen · February 2014

So sorry Lucid. This stuff is so hard. I'm totally comparing myself to others in my family and going WTF?! (((hugs))) coming your way.

Can you and your husband plan something fun for next month to give you something to look forward to while you are on BCP?

gscoville · February 2014

((((huge hugs)))) It's so hard not to compare ourselves to others, take the time you need to allow yourself your feelings, and do take care of yourself!

KMW08 · February 2014

(((hugs)))

luciddreamer106 · March 2014

exoticpearl said:
@luciddreamer106, hang in there. I am so sorry you are s hurt. Its ok to feel bad during that time. Here for you much ((HUGS)), prayer and positivity your way.

@exoticpearl‌ Thank you. While I really appreciate you stepping up and offering more support, this board is for TTCAL members who have been active for 6+ months. Again, thank for for offering hugs, but it is more appropriate for you to be posting on the main TTCAL board.

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