This shit is really hard

RondackHiker · March 2014

Dd is a bit of a sleepy nurser. It's not too terrible, but getting her awake to latch can take some time. Then once she latches she's like a little piranha with a crazy strong latch.

This afternoon I got her latched after 15 minutes of battling her sleepiness/strong latch. Just after I latched her, DS fell and banged his head on the tile kitchen floor.

Mil was here and cuddled him and such but him sobbing in pain and being "stuck" nursing killed me. I wanted to go to him. But then she'd be upset. I don't feel like there was a good option.

I have been crying off and on since. I hate the limited interaction I've had with him this past week. He's okay, but it was a nasty fall and he's got a good bruise and I didn't give him mommy cuddles.

I feel like shit. I should have put her in the swing and gone to him and dealt with her screaming.

LovestheLou · March 2014

I understand. Just do the best you can because there's no way to do things perfectly in that situation. Take advantage of help while you have it and don't feel bad.

MamatoA2010 · March 2014

HUGS Rondack. I don't have two but it looks damn hard. I'm glad DS wasn't more seriously hurt. Hang in there.

RondackHiker · March 2014

mbenit4 said:
He's fine. Don't guilt yourself.

But he was sad.

I'm having a hard time with the "don't guilt yourself part".

Damn it.

theseaword · March 2014

I think you know that I'm only a few weeks ahead of you as we were on the same BMB. The first two weeks or so, I felt sooo guilty about taking any time away from DS1. I cried a few times thinking about how badly I wanted to give DS1 all my attention again. But now at 6 wks we've already settled into a good routine and I know how to balance giving both kids attention. You'll get there, probably faster than you think. Hugs.

CallMeAl · March 2014

*total lurker jumping in alert*

I'm 2 wks in to this 2 kid thing and I hear ya. It's really hard. DD was screaming for me today while my mom tried to comfort her about something and DS has reflux and I had JUST settled him down across my lap after a long struggle.... It is so hard to balance their needs.

Sometimes it helps me to remember that even though it feels like a big loss right now to DD that in the long run it is hopefully a huge gain. My brother and I have always been very close and I hope that my children will have a similar bond.

PS and alltheboozetoyou

taggiecb · March 2014

Having a toddler and a newborn was one of the hardest, if not the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I am on the other side to tell you that the guilt subsides, and it will not permanently damage them, but it is hard, and don't deny yourself of that. The worst part I felt was the distance I felt from DS1 as well. It's like he was so close, but at the same time, I had this tiny creature separating us. Wyatt was 6 1/2 and Levi was almost 4 when Mav was born, totally different experience.

RondackHiker · March 2014

Thanks, guys.

I just miss time with DS so much. Dh has been home this week (fúcking miracle there) but it's usually DS and I alone with dh doing his long hours. I feel like I've barely spoken to DS in a week. Even if I'm not with dd, he's odd and careful. Partly he's worried he will hurt me, and partly he is kind of upset with me or hurt I think.

And I am not sure I can do much more. I am in so much flipping pain. The pain meds help the general pain, but the part where the spinal failed hurts like a bitch when I move. The meds don't seem to help much, and the OB said they likely wouldn't do a lot until the nerves there heal more. Something to do with more nerve damage there since they kept testing that spot to see if the spinal would kick in? But me yelping makes DS more cautious and I can't lift him or play with him easily.

Fuck. I'm glad it gets better because right now I just feel like I'm letting everyone down.

taggiecb · March 2014

His face pretty much sums up how he felt about the first 6 or so months of his brother's life. I couldn't even look at this picture for a while because I felt like I let him down or something.

now they have this. They are cool. And we all are still speaking haha.

(yea, I am AW my kids. And yea, I have an issue with hair cuts. I have accepted my flaws)

ASmallWonder · March 2014

You are failing no one and the only person who is going to remember the hour to hour disappointments is you. I totally get wanting to be with DS1 but you're 1 week out so take a deep breath and realize that every day, hell every hour, that goes by, you're getting closer to that new normal. He won't suffer long term because of not getting 100% of your attention in the short term, I promise

jorkz821 · March 2014

The first bit is hard, for sure. Everyone is adjusting. You're definitely not failing anyone or letting anyone down, don't think that!

Hugs! It does get easier, I promise.

LoveActually4 · March 2014

jorkz821 said:
The first bit is hard, for sure. Everyone is adjusting. You're definitely not failing anyone or letting anyone down, don't think that!

Hugs! It does get easier, I promise.

This. It's an adjustment and it gets easier.

I remember resenting ds2 for nursing so much because it took away all my time from ds1. A year later, everyone is happy and no worse for the wear.

Hugs!

FrickandFrack · March 2014

Getting into a good groove with 2 is hard at first. DS1 was such a mama's boy until I had DS2. Since I had to nurse all the time, he became closer to Dada and now they are like best friends.

Not only did I have a new baby to tend to and a 3 year old but my back felt like it was breaking for about 6-7 months after delivery and that was hard to deal with also.

The shit is hard but it gets easier and you will find a good groove. I'm sorry you are feeling sad now but it will absolutely get easier.

::hugs::

OutOfStep81 · March 2014

Aww, don't stress over it mama.

LaurelBee · March 2014

You are in pain, sleep deprived, and hormonal and despite that, you are being an amazing mom to 2 amazing kids

Eventually things will fall into place. Hugs mama

EMOmamma · March 2014

Hugs. I still feel like someone gets the short stick a lot. But just think, he got 3 years of only you and she'll never be the only kid. But she'll have benefits he won't. It'll never be equal, do the best you can and that's all you can do. The newborn phase seemed to go even faster the second time. Good luck.

shannond354 · March 2014

I remember being a few weeks into having two kids I was trying to brestfeed the baby while reading a story to my oldest before bed. Yeah, no one was happy and I think all three of us cried. But, it will take some time, but it does get easier. They play great together now and love each other to death. It will get worse before it gets better but it will get better!

nikiz628 · March 2014

((hugs)) Hang in there!

RondackHiker · March 2014

Today was better, guys. Thank you so much for all you've said... It helped.

Things were a bit smoother today. Not perfect, but smoother.

When dd was upset this afternoon, DS brought her a puzzle and showed her the cow and the noises cows make. She was fascinated.

MamatoA2010 · March 2014

So glad today was smoother @RondackHiker‌!

MamatoA2010 · March 2014

Also, love that mobile bump auto fills SN's now

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

You are doing your best & you are enough. Big hugs.

flyingsaucer · March 2014

The first 3 months are tough, and then it gets easier. I promise. Just try to take it easy on yourself and take it day by day. It will all balance out.., it really will

klondikebar · March 2014

I'm glad today was better for you. It'll take a little time to get a routine down. Don't be hard on yourself. You're only one person. I'm sure you doing a great job.

You could start a new, special thing to do with your DS everyday. You may not be able to play with him for two solid, uninterrupted hours right now, but you could tell him a new joke after lunch each day, for example. It's not time consuming, but kids look forward to the silliest things. After DS2 was born, DS1 started brushing my hair for me every night. It only took a few minutes, but he just loved doing it for some reason.

laurakaz13 · March 2014

Stop. Just stop with the guilt. You are a fantastic mom.

RondackHiker · March 2014

@KlondikeBar‌

I accidentally removed the love tit I gave you earlier because I couldn't see that I had already loved your comment. I gave it back.

I really like your idea, and that's the sort of thing he would LOVE. A little daily "special" would be just his thing.

insertclevername · March 2014

We have had two for 12 weeks now. It has been rough but is getting a little bit easier. You are not failing anyone. In the beginning it is survival mode. As long as everyone survives the first few months you have done enough.

I know how hard it is to not be able to spend as much time with DS and give him undivided attention. I did not get an outing with just DS1 until DS2 was almost 11 weeks old. I just try to remember to give him a hug and kiss and tell him I love him at least a few times a day.

I am glad it is already getting better for you. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are only human.

dashofreality · March 2014

It will get better! I had 2u2 and it was hard. I struggled for the first 6 months - lack of sleep, guilt, logistics, but it does get easier. My son's first word was his sister's name. There is nothing better than watching my DD bring a toy over to her brother when he hurts himself, and neither one wants to do anything without the other. Having 2 is way harder than I thought; I have no idea how people do lots of kids.

You may want to look into this: https://www.koalakin.com/shop/nursing-system/ I suck at carriers and was able to nurse hands free with this. It was nice to be able to read a book to my DD or get up if needed.

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This shit is really hard

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