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This is ugly...

freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
in Single Parents
How can I get my soon to be ex to get out of the house? He is verbally and mentally abusing me in front of the kids. Then he is doing spiteful things (for example, turned off the water to the entire house so I couldn't shower. He didn't want to watch the kids while I showered; stopped having his paycheck direct deposited, etc). 

Today I left the house for 10+ hours and drove in the slow lane super slow coming back because I didn't want to come home. Being out all day isn't any easy task with a 3 year old and 17 month old but it sure beats staying at home.

I have an email that I sent to the attorney this morning but won't hear back until Monday and wanted to see if anyone has any advice...
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Re: This is ugly...

  • eg214eg214 member
    Hmm...this could be tricky if he wanted to be a real asshole.

    First, are you married? (sorry can't remember)
    Second, is the house in your name, his, both?
    Third, laws on all this depend on your state. I had my ex over at my apt for like 2 weeks (visiting from FL) once and again for 10 days before I kicked him out. When the cops came (bc he refused to leave unless I called them) the cop told me in the state of VA, if someone is at your home for 2 weeks or longer, they automatically become like a tenant type thing and don't have to leave unless a court orders it, which can take months. I was SHOCKED.

    Are you not kicking him out because of money? Can you qualify for any state assistance? If so, I would set an appointment or walk in on Monday for WIC, TANF, SNAP, whatever. You can usually apply for this stuff online. 

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Do you have any family or friends close by you could stay with for awhile until you hear from your your attorney and can get the xh out of the house
    image
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    I am married and just filed for divorce.
    We own a home together.
    My family lives 45 minutes without traffic. I'm trying to stay because it is convenient with my job, DS1's preschool, and my babysitters (who are all XH's family). It was civil this week and then he pulled out the old stops again. My dad currently has a vacant 1 bedroom apartment that I could take for the time being and not pay him. I want to get my own place but only have a part time job so I don't have money.
    Can I apply for assistance if I am still married? I guess I can go to my dads and just not have DS1 do his 3 days if preschool 2 hours each day but he loves it and its good for him. I feel so bad for the kids I'm trying not to take it all away. Including his family.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Yes you can apply for assistance while married :-)
    image
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  • eg214eg214 member
    Yes and if you have questions you can see a case worker at the dept of health or one of those. When I was pg and lost I went to my local dept of health and they had a social worker there who sat with me and gave me tons of resources.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • eg214eg214 member
    Also just remember....anything is better than being exposed to violence and instability.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • UnknownUnknown
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    @beccaga16 I had my chance when I called the cops 2 or 3 weeks ago and I chickened out. Now I don't know how I can get one..I think that would be my best bet.
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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited March 2014
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Wow. Beccaga16 that was rough and needed.
    Ok so I saw my therapist on Wednesday and speak with her weekly. I emailed my lawyer this morning to find out how I can get him out of the house. On the inside of this I am completely in a fog and from the outside it is clear as day.
    I need/want distance. Just need to figure out how to make this happen. I can't just tell him to leave (tried that already).
    My boss' husband is an expert on DV and custody. I had a long convo this week and need to call him again. I find it so hard to reach out for help especially when I don't know if I'm over reacting.
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    I should also add there is a police report just not a protective order,
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    You should still be able to get a protective order. Especially since there is a police report.

    Im going to ask this. Does he manipulate you? Is that why you thought about having sex with him?

    Divorce is hard. Divorce from an abusive partner is even harder. Now is the time to focus on you and your children. After you get this guy out things will start to get better
    image
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  • AllieAlbaAllieAlba member
    If he is abusing you in any way, phone the police and have him arrested. It will severely damage your kids mental health if you stay in the house with him whilst he abuses you. If the police will not arrest him, leave. Immediately. Go to a women's refuge if you have nowhere else to go. In the end, your house doesn't matter. If you lose it, it doesn't matter. It's just a thing. What actually matters is yours and your kids mental health.

    Single Mummy-To-Be | TTC January 2014 | Natural IUI with DS March 2014: Resulted in BFN | Natural IUI with DS April 2014: Positive! | EDD 10th January 2015


    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • tig594tig594 member
    edited March 2014
    Call or visit your local police department TODAY. the officer you spoke with before should have given you his card. If you know his name ask for him but if he's not available talk to whoever. Tell them you are afraid for you and your kids physical and emotional safey. They can give you a general idea of how to get him out of your house and help you get started wih a protective order. But YOU CANNOT KEEP BACKING OUT or they will stop taking you seriously. The cops deal with this stuff daily and who wants to try helping someone who will not help themselves? It js jn you and your kids beat interest to get away from this man. You are both setting a horrible example for your kids.
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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited March 2014
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  • klvklv member
    My ex did similar stuff to me. Get out now. Best thing I ever did was to take my kid and leave. Hannah and I have our own apartment now. Yes,my house is going into foreclosure because asstard decided not to pay it after I left, but shitty credit is better than being afraid of what he might do at any moment
    image
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Klv that is what I'm working on. My lawyer called his to offer a separation where he would leave the house. If he doesn't agree I have plans to move out on Wednesday. I'm just not sure what to take and if I will be able to come back for more stuff. It's going to be tough at first the place is very small (my house is huge) but if we are happy and safe who cares!
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