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Pregnant & Dad hates kids

lucky6059lucky6059 member
edited March 2014 in Parenting
I recently discovered (to much surprise) that I am 2 months pregnant. When telling my bf of 1 yr, he flipped out. The last week he's been acting very supportive, and good spirits during the day but when we go to bed, he tells me how much he hates kids and how all of his plans are ruined. He says hes going to do what's right by the baby, but he's miserable and angry. I don't know what to tell him besides offering him an out... I don't want to raise a baby with a dad that hates or resents it. Any thoughts would be appreciated...thank you.

Oh, and this is my second child (10), his third (17 & 19). Imagine my surprise to hear him go on about how much he hates kids...
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Re: Pregnant & Dad hates kids

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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    edited March 2014
    Agreed with both of you. Yes, he is a great dad to his other kids and gets along very well with my kid. We had a great relationship before any of this so I don't think he's with me purely because of the baby,.. It's only been a week since I told him, so Idk if he needs more time or what. Regardless, I'm being very cautious now about moving forward with him.
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    How old is heand how involved was he in the raising of the other twokids?

    Also, where you using BC?

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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    Had you ever talked about having kids together?

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    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    Yes, I have been on the pill for ten years with no issues. He is 37 and I definitely think the "starting over" is a big part of this.
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    I don't blame him for being upset, honestly.  This is a major lyfe change if you aren't expecting it.

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    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    Ya, I just don't know what to do to help him. Will he get better with time?
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  • angelashlyangelashly member
    @cinemagoddess is very wise.


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  • ks3pinkks3pink member
    Were his other children planned? Just curious if that may have something to do with it.
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  • sarahinthecity10sarahinthecity10 member
    A friend of mine dated a guy for a while who had two kids and wasn't sure if he wanted more. She did and she stuck it out and he came around and they are married with a baby. Maybe it's just the shock of starting over with a baby when his kids are grown. But I would prepare yourself for maybe having to go it alone.
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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    Nope... They weren't. I think it's the wrench in his future plans, the fact that kids are not controllable (100% anyway, you have to rely on good parenting), and his freedom.
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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    edited March 2014
    I can definitely raise it alone, I already told him that. But I don't think his morals will let him walk away. I wish there was some way I could help him deal with it. I'm out of "words of wisdom".
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  • ks3pinkks3pink member
    lucky6059 said:

    Nope... They weren't. I think it's the wrench in his future plans, the fact that kids are not controllable (100% anyway, you have to rely on good parenting), and his freedom.

    I had my daughter when I was 18. My boys when I was 24. MH and I are looking forward to our forties since we started early with our kids. I can relate to how your BF is probably feeling but of course saying he hates kids is a little crazy but that may just be his way of dealing. Be there for him and let him vent but if the venting bothers you be sure he knows that too. I think communication is the best thing for everyone right now.
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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    Well he had 2 choices if he didn't want any more kids.  He could of abstained from sex or he could of had a vasectomy.   He doesn't sound like a very responsible 37 year old.
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  • aintnoyuppiemomaintnoyuppiemom member

    Being with a partner only for the sake of the child will only cause resentment and turmoil for many years and that child will be raised in a stressful environment so that needs to be taken care of because it will affect your pregnancy to. I would give him a month to wrap his head around the situation, I wouldn't start picking out a home with an extra bedroom or a dress just yet (which it sounds like you are keeping a level head about everything so that isn't a problem)

    I do not think he hates kids because from what you have said he has kids and he has been great with them. I think he hates the idea of having a kid at his age. His children (and yours almost) are raised, he doesn't have to teach anyone to ride a bike or catch a football. He is 37 (I think you said) so he isn't old but he is probably starting to feel it a bit. I am hoping he is just shocked and scared. Give him time to come around, but not so much time that you get yourself stressed waiting for him. Like I said wait a month and then sit him down. Make him tell you what he is feeling, and be sure to hit on the 'doing right by you and the baby' thing. (I am just adding that because if you know in your heart that you can fully handle this LO on your own, if he suddenly hates kids what may be right for you and the LO might be him being out of the picture.)

    I hope everything does work out. Good Luck and I hope you have a healthy pregnancy.

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  • lucky6059lucky6059 member
    Thank you everyone, you have all been very helpful!
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