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October 2012 Moms
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Depression? Help!

LorMorLorMor member
in October 2012 Moms
I am worried about my husband. I think he may be depressed. Last night when we were going to bed, he was so down and said that everything is overwhelming. He's been like this for a couple of months - not continually down, but unguarded he just looks so sad, on the verge of tears. And he is SO sensitive. If I make a joke that cannot possibly be interpreted as a personal attack, he will take it as a personal attack. Like REALLY silly stuff. We drove past a couple this morning, just going about their day, and it turns out I thought it was a dad and young daughter and DH thought it was a teenage couple. Then he got really upset that he's "always wrong". I hadn't even tried to correct him - I was chuckling at how differently we saw the couple.

Anyway, I don't know how to handle this. My instinct is always to give him a break, and take T away for the afternoon or for a weekend, and that helps for a short time, but I can't keep just giving him breaks if it's not helping to solve things. (Hey, I also need a break!) He sees a psychologist - has for years, but it's more a chat session than actual therapy. I asked if he's brought this up with his therapist, and he hasn't.

Any ideas? He has been taken by surprise at how much time babies/toddlers take up, and I think he seriously mourns his free time of yore. (We all do, don't we?) He is an incredibly involved father, and I am very lucky to have him so involved, but I do find it difficult trying to keep him okay, while looking after T, and also keeping myself sane.

Sorry, TL;DR version: I am worried about my husband, I think he may be depressed.
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Re: Depression? Help!

  • StefanieM522StefanieM522 member
    Im so sorry that your husband is depressed. Since he is already seeing a therapist try and have him talk yo his therapist about why he feels off. It really helped my husband once he started to talk to someone a out it

                    
                   







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  • wesleycrusherwesleycrusher member
    He needs to talk to his therapist, but maybe his therapist has become more like a friend?  That happened to my sister with one she went to for a few years. 
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  • Sillygirl85Sillygirl85 member
    StefanieM522 said:
    Im so sorry that your husband is depressed. Since he is already seeing a therapist try and have him talk yo his therapist about why he feels off. It really helped my husband once he started to talk to someone a out it
    This. And if that's not helping he may want to try going to his doctor for anti-depressants.

    I have dealt with depression for years and one thing I always tell my husband is that someone who is depressed is not thinking rationally. I go over the signs of depression with him and have told him that if he's seeing that he needs to get help.
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  • LorMorLorMor member
    Thanks. He sees his therapist every two weeks, and was there yesterday, so we've got two weeks until the next appt. A pity.
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  • navyandvioletnavyandviolet member
    I have nothing constructive too add but hugs. I hope counseling and time helps him. I've been there and it is a hard hill to climb.
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  • ChrisG83ChrisG83 member
    Maybe if he had something to focus on for him. A project for the yard, starting a hobby or sport. My husband deals with it by playing golf. It gets him out of the house and around other guys. I know its tough to have someone who focuses on the negatives, if he is getting upset about the little things it may be good to really focus on therapy and really being aware of his negative outlook. Good luck to you guys.
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  • AMT1107AMT1107 member
    I agree with the hobby part.  My DH has gotten like this since having DS.  In the past few months, I have given (That sounds silly) him a few hours to fiddle around with his guitar.  It gives him a few hours to himself and he is  "refreshed". He will also give me a few hours to do whatever I want to do by myself.  Usually it's just a nice long uninterrupted shower, but it helps.

    I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you husband can talk to his therapist about how he feels.  
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  • scrumpfyscrumpfy member
    Call his therapist to let them know this is an issue he should talk about. Just in case he doesn't bring it up. They can't discuss if with you, but you can still tell the therapist if you have new or recent concerns your husband should be addressing.
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  • LorMorLorMor member
    CK2MD said:
    scrumpfy said:
    Call his therapist to let them know this is an issue he should talk about. Just in case he doesn't bring it up. They can't discuss if with you, but you can still tell the therapist if you have new or recent concerns your husband should be addressing.
    If he didn't sign a release of information for her, the therapist may not speak to her. Without a ROI, the therapist actually can't even confirm that her husband is a patient.... which is what the therapist would be doing by returning her call. The way to get around this would be to leave a message for the therapist with the info, rather than requesting a call back. That way, the therapist has enough basic info to ask her husband about it at their next appt, but the therapist has not infringed on the husband's confidentiality by confirming he is a patient.
    Wow - this is interesting. Good ideas. I was wondering about calling the therapist, but I'd hate for him to mention it to DH. I have met him before - we bumped into him one weekend, so I know who he is and he knows I know, so I don't think he could get all "I don't know who you're talking about" on me.

    Re the hobby - I think that's part of the problem - he picks up new hobbies and then expects to be able to commit as much time to them as he used to, but then can't, so then he's got a million new hobbies that he can't get to, which adds to the feelings of being overwhelmed.

    Thanks everyone.
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