Lack of pictures (vent)

cdale86 · March 2014

So I'm just feeling sad over the lack of pictures I have with DD in the few days/weeks after her birth. I LOVE pictures and I'm always the photographer. Apparently NO ONE thought to take any pictures of mother and baby. It's just another one of those things to grieve about having a preemie. I don't have any of those sweet mom/baby pictures in the hospital bed all snug.

I do feel angry with family because they were all too concerned with their own relationship with her that no one looked out for me. I have pics of my mom holding her on day 2 of life. My MIL has a billion pics of herself holding her and her son holding her. I have many of my hubby holding her for the first, second, third times, etc. The first picture of me with her...week 2. I had WAY too many things to worry about than realizing that no one had taken our picture. It just makes me feel insignificant and I am her MOTHER.

I just asked my MIL if she had any pictures of us and I pointed out that no one took any. I said how that makes me really sad. I got no "I'm sorry" or anything. Just "huh. Well there was a lot going on." Well, apparently not since you have 15 pictures of you holding her for the first time. I just feel angry and sad about a special time that is not documented at all.

ludali · March 2014

I completely understand how you are feeling...it took a couple days (and a couple nurses reminding him) to take pics of me and DD. DD was an emergency csection as many preemies are and we took nothing with us to the hospital other than our daily items like purse and phones. By the time I got to hold her about 14 hours after her birth, our phones were dead, so no pics. Part of me loves that DH and I are the only ones that have that memory...but at the same time, I wish I had photos. I'm crying as I type this just thinking about it.

No one other than a preemie Mom knows what we go through. Almost 8 months after her birth, I still grieve and feel like my body let her down. thankfully she's healthy and happy...but we can't just shut our feelings off.

I always felt bad that DH never got to tell a waiting room of family "its a girl!"....but I miss exactly what you stated...photos of the family on the bed, all happy with a chubby lil baby.

I'm sorry that the photos are missing, but you will always have the memories. Hugs.

LucyRicardo3 · March 2014

I'm so sorry. and YES it IS important and it DOES matter.

This may sound far-fetched and tacky, but maybe you can take some of your LO's first pictures and just crop it down or edit out MIL or anyone else, so it's only your baby in the picture. At least then, it won't be such a stinging reminder every time you see the pics.
I did this with my oldest's baby pics because it was my (now) ex-h holding him, who really makes my stomach churn, but there was no way I could get rid of the baby pictures.

StephNordenmalm · March 2014

I know exactly how you feel. I had all these great plans of pictures I wanted. My delivery was such a whirlwind that we didnt have time to grab the camera. Luckly my doctor is great and let my husband borrow his phone to snap a few pics right after he was born. I really wanted a picture of the first time I held him but we missed out on that opportunity. I try to tell myself that there will be so many more opportunities to get pictures, but its still sad.

PurpleIris30 · March 2014

I'm sorry. I wish someone would have been thinking of you and not just of getting their own picture taken. That is really hard to not have a photo, but it doesn't make you insignificant.

My husband missed the delivery because they couldn't wait for him to get to the hospital. I was heavily drugged and my memories are fuzzy. The didn't allow cameras in the OR which was upsetting to me but I understand that desire to have a photo documenting a special, although traumatic, time. Thinking about it makes me cry, too.

nblondheim · March 2014

We had a camera and there are WAY less pictures of me with the twins than anyone else. There's tons of others holding them, bath time with DH, diaper changes with DH, etc but like none with me. I totally get how you feel and quite frankly...it sucks! *hugs*

abwatts · March 2014

Oh honey I'm sorry!! It's hard looking back and realizing the things we are missing out on and that the people around you don't see it...

I didn't get to hold for a week after they were born. We were so grateful to have the sweetest nurse the night I was discharged and she made sure we had a picture of me and my husband with each boy, even if it was just us by the incubator . We hadn't had any picture together yet and it meant so much that our nurse thought about how much that would mean to us.

As for MIL... Just rude.

Here's to a lifetime of mommy pics!

flerlgirl · March 2014

Ugh, I'm so sorry. That would bum me out, too.

andthatmakes4 · March 2014

This happened with my term baby's birth. I took pictures of each of our visitors and her dad holding her but there are no pictures of me. My BF remembered how sad it made me and took pics and videos of the first time I met DS in the NICU.

All of that to say, your feelings are completely justified. I'm still sad I don't have pictures of DD and myself in the hospital.

Tylynngrace · March 2014

You deserve to feel angry about that! Your family should've thought more about you and less about themselves, she is your baby after all. I can't believe your own husband didn't think to take pictures of you with her. I'm so sorry that your feelings weren't considered.

Similarly I'm going through this currently but DS is home now. I constantly find myself taking pictures of DS with DH but I don't have any of me with him. I asked DH to take a picture of us and he did a half assed shit job so I've given up on asking anymore. But I do feel where your coming from!

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