We're keeping my induction a secret, and I feel terrible!

mfarmer0811 · March 2014

I have a pretty big circle of friends being a school teacher, and they all have supported us throughout this pregnancy! However, I have a couple of friends who have told the they WILL be at the delivery...ummm... NO you won't! So, when I got my induction date, DH and I decided we would only tell a few people. We've told our parents and my sister. And I've told 3 of my closest friends, who obviously know boundaries. It aggrivates me that I have to do this, because I want to shout from the roof tops that I will have a baby in less than a week, but I don't feel like I can b/c I don't want some of my crazy "friends" just hanging out in the waiting room with our family! That is just so weird to me! I'm not THAT close to these people who have said they would be there!

I feel terrible, because people know I have gone to the doctor, and I'm blatantly having to lie to them. I don't like to lie, but I feel like it's what I have to do.

Sorry for the vent, but I don't have anyone else I can really talk to about this. I'm afraid everyone is going to get all butt hurt when they find out I was induced and didn't tell anyone. Should I just lie again and say it just happened?

Anyone else in the situation?

Thanks for letting me vent!

peachy0709 · March 2014

I understand why you feel bad (you're a good person!), but I really feel like a lot of people just don't "get it" and take the idea of "it takes a village" way to literally. It's okay to want that time for you and DH. It's not a communal event. I think you're doing the right thing, for what it's worth.

jennybean80 · March 2014

Sorry you're being put in this situation, it sucks when people don't respect your boundaries. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If people get upset you didn't tell them the induction date just say that the Dr. told you the induction could take days and you didn't want to make them wait that long. Then you're just being considerate of their time

aLsMay24 · March 2014

I just wouldn't say anything. If they want to accuse a brand new mother of anything they are off their rocker. I told close friends, most lived too far away to come. My best friend did come the night of the induction but it was great to have her there for company for a bit and another friend actually came in while I was pushing and held a leg for a while before she had to go to work but she was also a med student wanting to do OB.

I think your friends are just trying to support you but if you don't want them there I think that's totally fine!

kaking78 · March 2014

It sounds like your friends pushed you into not telling them. It's your birth, not theirs, and if they can't or won't respect that then you have every right to keep mum about the details.

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mfarmer0811 · March 2014

Thanks y'all!! You're making me feel better. The friends I have told absolutely know their boundaries, and I'm not worried about them.

One of the friends is the same one who got all upset about "not being in charge enough" at my shower, and sent my sister a really ugly email on the day we buried our grandmother.....I think I need to distance myself from her, but it's hard b/c she works in my department and I see her all the time!

Luckily, the hospital I will labor at is very secure, and the doors are locked to even get to the nurse's station. They call your room and ask permission before they let anyone in. I just don't want to have to worry about people out in the waiting room, that's just weird!

mevensen · March 2014

I considered it telling people about my induction. (Particularly my MIL) I don't blame you for not wanting people there. I made it very clear that I wanted no one but DH there even though MIL had a very hard time grasping that concept. Remember that it's about you and DH.

jwls84 · March 2014

I really don't understand why people want to hang around a hospital all day! I wouldn't lie about anything and I would just say that we aren't having anyone at the hospital, your friends so respect your choices! It's your kid not theirs!
Plus tell your nurses you want no visitors and turn your phones off. If poeople come they'll be turned away or wait in a cafeteria until you turn your phones back on.

SassyFlats · March 2014

I don't think you need to lie. Just don't say anything! Babies arrive on their own all the time, and I just can't imagine anyone accusing a new mom of keeping an induction secret... I'd think they'd assume you went into labor and didn't have a chance to tell them.

Except maybe the person who was nasty to your sister.... That person might get suspicious but she can kiss my ass.

craftiemommie · March 2014

Not being induced , but a few of our friends said oh call us when you go in and we will come to the hospital - DH said "Oh, sorry, you arent invited". I thought that was hysterical. And I was thrilled I didn't have to be the one to say anything. We don't even want visitors at the hospital after the birth - and at home we will play it by ear.

These obnoxious girls at work were all "Oh, good luck with that, we tried but people don't listen". So irritating that they would even say that. Ok, well, we said no, and thats whats happening! Sorry if you weren't strong enough to keep people away, but we are. I just hate everyone today though, my tights are waaaay too tight.

karacakes98 · March 2014

I was supposed to be induced with DD1 and we were only going to tell my mom (and only because she was watching DS). Baby came on her own, though, and quickly, so no one knew anything, anyway.

You do what makes you comfortable. L & D isn't a fun, sociable time. It's hard work!

Natty13umppo · March 2014

I guess some people might ask how your labor started....is that what you are worried about lying about after the fact? You could still honestly say you were induced but play it off like it was a last minute decision by the doctor. My induction was scheduled just a few days in advance last time and then it got bumped up a day sooner because of a scheduling issue.

And if you are worried about sharing your excitement about having a baby in a week, you could always just play off the excitement like "I know I could be wrong, but I think I might be having this baby soon! Can't wait!" That way you can be excited but not share the news of the induction.

And......you never know what's really going to happen. My induction last time? My water broke the night before so I ended up in the hospital before my induction anyway! The same may happen to you...

mfarmer0811 · March 2014

Natty13umppo said:

I guess some people might ask how your labor started....is that what you are worried about lying about after the fact? You could still honestly say you were induced but play it off like it was a last minute decision by the doctor. My induction was scheduled just a few days in advance last time and then it got bumped up a day sooner because of a scheduling issue.

And if you are worried about sharing your excitement about having a baby in a week, you could always just play off the excitement like "I know I could be wrong, but I think I might be having this baby soon! Can't wait!" That way you can be excited but not share the news of the induction.

And......you never know what's really going to happen. My induction last time? My water broke the night before so I ended up in the hospital before my induction anyway! The same may happen to you...

I'm being induced at 38+2, so I really doubt I go into labor on my own, but you never know.

And yes, I'm worried about the after the fact... I think I'm just going to say that I went in for an appointment on Monday (when I have to be at the hospital) and she decided to keep me. I will also say that since I wanted a med-free birth (no epi) that I just really needed to focus, and we only let our parents know what was going on. If they don't understand that, then well, they can kiss it!!!

rubylovebug · March 2014

I think you're completely fine to not tell people about your induction & you don't need to feel guilty!! We're going to try to keep our birthing time pretty private because I think more people in the waiting room will give me anxiety & be detrimental to birthing.

I totally understand that people are coming from a good place & want to support you, but they can do that after baby arrives. Make the right decison for you, & don't worry about anyone else.

chapel2012 · March 2014

For us, if people want to show up and sit around a waiting room watching the TV, that is their own problem

We are lucky that we can tell the sign in desk in the Birthing Center who is allowed in. You're not on the list? You don't get to come in. We are only allowed two people at a time anyways and one of those people includes DH so it would end up being very boring for anyone uninvited to just show up.

The only people who will be allowed in will be my sister and his parents. When it comes time to push, it will be just me, DH, the doc and nurses. No one else. Even after that, we will be requesting no one allowed in the room for about an hour so DH, LO and I have time to bond. The only real perk to showing up uninvited will be getting to know the sex of the baby before all our other friends and relatives, unless we are jerks and post it on FB right away

kimberpoo · March 2014

don't feel bad at all!!! no one has any right to know when you are having LO except you and DH. everyone else, even parents, have 0 right. it is 100% up to you who to tell, who to invite, and when.

If other people want a peek at the process, they can have their own kids.

ring_pop · March 2014

Your induction date is a part of your care plan. There's no need to feel guilty about keeping it to yourself just as you would keep any other medical info about yourself private!

farmrose · March 2014

I think it's smart to not tell people. if you don't want a party in the waiting room that's really the only way to insure that. Especially if they've already proven they don't respect boundaries. I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about it.

mfarmer0811 · March 2014

Thank you all so much for reassuring me that we are doing the right thing! I tend to worry about other people too much, sometimes to a fault. But, this may be our only LO, and I'm not going to let anyone ruin our day and this very special moment in our lives!!!! I'm not normally a bitchy person, but I will be if I have to!

Edit:Proper grammar is tough sometimes.

teaforthree · March 2014

You did the right thing! The good news is no one has to know you were induced unless you tell them. How else would they know that you didn't randomly go into labor on your own? And frankly, it's no one's business. I wouldn't worry about it. You told the people that really need to know, and I wouldn't want a ton of people waiting at the hospital, either - how intrusive and annoying! I think this might be your first experience of putting your baby and yourself first, doing what's best for you as a new family, and letting go of what other people think. Good luck!

craftiemommie · March 2014

another thing - Our hospital allows only one person in L&D - the coach (and partner of course if they are two different people). There isn't even a waiting room on that floor. You could always tell them the hospital doesn't allow people there.

BabiesFTW · March 2014

I only told immediate family the date and then a few choice friends the day I went in.

ETA: nobody was invited to the hospital until after baby was born.

KariB509 · March 2014

Don't feel bad. They can all suck it! I wouldn't have told anyone either since they think it's ok to just come to the hospital.

/end cranky pregnant lady

SurpriseAt39 · March 2014

If mine comes to induction, only the person caring for DS (15 months old) will know when I go in.

Hoping to go on my own though.

aesmom · March 2014

Don't feel bad at all! With my first two this wasn't an issue, but this time there are a ton of well meaning people who will want to come by. We aren't letting anyone other than family know the details. We also won't announce the birth until we are home and I know her billi won't be an issue. In the past my girls billi stays to high to be released at the 24 hour mark. The hospital is going to be a mini vacation for my husband and I to bond with our new baby.

Brich3321 · March 2014

Do not feel bad! I don't understand why people would want to be there waiting around. We are not even telling family because I don't want people lurking around or even in and out when I am in labor and I don't feel bad about that at all!!! They'll get over it when they see precious lil baby!

LaurenAsh23 · March 2014

Don't feel bad at all!! We had an (semi emergency) induction Monday and only told our parents, siblings, a couple close friends and bosses. It's your news and your business and it's up to you on who/when you share it.

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