SPD Mamas come on in

Lovenyc · March 2014

I am looking to chat w anyone who has a little one with SPD without an ASD diagnosis. Pref on the hyposensitive/sensory seeking side. I am reading "The Out of Sync Child" now and just want to learn more. I suspect my 29mo son is dealing with some sensory issues. If you can pm me that would be great! Thanks!

curlylocks007 · March 2014

This is my little guy too...

Lovenyc · March 2014

No reason it can't be on the board. Just thought PM might be easier for some.

So here goes:

My 29mo son has a speech delay (chronic ear infections) He has been evaluated by EI. They recommended speech therapy. I asked them about sensory issues and asd but they were not concerned.

Speech therapy has been going well. Slow but there's some progression.

He recently switched to a new daycare and did really well for the first couple weeks. Sadly, he has been having a rough time for the last few days. He is very rough with the other kids. He will unexpectedly tackle other children. Not in an aggressive way...but now he is now hitting the teacher or kicking when he is reprimanded. I told the school I don't know what's causing his behavior. They don't really know him yet and I feel like my parenting skills (and my son) are being judged. I know he tackled at the old school as well. He ended up having an ear infection this weekend. Thought that might explain some of the behavior.

He seems to sometimes have a hard time in group settings. Music class (mixed age) is not all that fun. He just wants to run around the room until something catches his attention. Other times at daycare, he's able to sit and listen during circle time, etc.

I am just so frustrated. He has good weeks...and then he has some really bad days. Inconsistency rules the day. I am having trouble distinguishing between typical 2.5 year old behavior and what's atypical. Other behavior I've noticed is he likes to kick all of his tub toys at the end of his bath. It's like he's letting off steam. He sits in the drained tub and kicks all of the toys for a few minutes. He is also a pretty terrible sleeper. Wakes at least 1-2 times a night.

DH and I are learning to discipline him more as he normally laughs at us when we scold him. Last night he refused to clean up his crayons. I put him in a time out for 5 minutes. He was very upset. After the time-out, I explained why he was being reprimanded. I told him to go clean up his crayons and then we could play. He immediately hugged & kissed me and proceeded to clean up. He was fine for the rest of the night.

Today I saw him tackle two children via the daycare cameras. I do not want him to hurt anyone. I called the pediatrician about seeing a developmental pediatrician. He said it couldn't hurt.

DH, on the other hand, is at his limit and thinks I'm stirring the pot. He doesn't want to see our son go through another round of evaluations and the stress that comes with it.

I do not know what I should do. I just want to help my son. Is he lashing out because he's not able to communicate properly? Is there a bigger issue here?

curlylocks007 · March 2014

This sounds so much like my 3.5 year old. He has SPD and a speech delay. He has had very similar behaviors with preschool where he lashed out when restrained. He is rough and grabby. He gets very wild and distracted in large groups.

My DS just started with Behavioral Therapy and an aid during preschool and I feel like it's made a difference already. She is able to give him words to communicate. Also keeping him in line rather than him just continuously getting in trouble seems to help keep him calmer. They also started using a weighted lap pad during table time, chewy tube, compression vest in small increments and a weighted backpack for walking to a from gym time.

I have found that consistent discipline (time-outs) work best at home for bad behavior.

Lovenyc · March 2014

Thanks for the feedback. Who made the SPD diagnosis? Do you have a preschool aid via EI?

Any thoughts on what I can tell his dc teachers? How to handle him better?

curlylocks007 · March 2014

He was diagnosed by a Developmental Pedi, but we were pretty sure that's what was going on based on opinions of some therapists as well as research.

I think giving him ideas and the language to use with his piers might help. Maybe when he gets rowdy or rough, saying do you want to play trucks with Tommy? Say, "Tommy, do you want to play trucks with me?"

Deep pressure now and then can help if you're comfortable telling the teachers to do so. Bear hugs, shoulder squeeze or even giving him something heavy to carry or push might help.

I'm no expert, just starting to learn here, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

curlylocks007 · March 2014

Lovenyc said:

Thanks for the feedback. Who made the SPD diagnosis? Do you have a preschool aid via EI?

Yes, the aid is through EI.

law&order · March 2014

DS is SPD with no other diagnosis at this point and no speech delay. He's a seeker in most ways, and gosh Fredalina, sounds A LOT like your daughter. He was the busy baby type- scooting off blankets, lifting his head and rolling over insanely early, limbs were always movings, and then climbing out of the crib like it ain't no thing at 15 months. He's walked most of a 2 mile hike with us- at 2 years old, can ride his trike at least a mile, and is happiest when he's outside getting exercise. I can't wait until he's old enough to start running with me. I also see rock climbing in our future.

DS is very well-regulated at school and does better at school than at home. But one of his 3 teachers is very well versed in SPD after dealing with it with her own child (he's 9 now). So they tend to be really aware. I think it's hard, as you say though. 2 year olds are weird, weird beings. I think he does well at school because he gets a lot of input there.

Currently, DS' main behavioral response to the SPD is that he can't sit down for meals at home. He does awesome at school, but at home he's up and down, moving around, changing seats, swinging between chairs. He does other seeker things- I've seen him do something similar to the kicking bath toys thing. He dumped out all of his play food in his kitchen and then literally rolled around in it. DS has never been sensory-seeking towards other kids, but he is with me, DH, and grandparents. He wants to wrestle a lot, tight hugs, rolling around, etc. But he's more reserved at school and plays appropriately/as expected (as in mostly parallel for a 2 yr old).

You said you don't feel like the new school really understands what's going on. I would definitely talk to them directly about it. One of the biggest blessings in DS's feeding issues/SPD has been that his teacher is well-versed and they have at least one other child with pretty severe/obvious SPD in the school. I've watched the teachers with the other SPD kid (pretty serious seeker) and they all use consistent language to help him regulate- for example "Johnny, control your body. Do not crash the bike into Sarah."

We haven't seen the dev pedi. DS was seen by OT and a multi-disciplinary feeding team.

Lovenyc · March 2014

Thank you all so much. I monitored him on the web cameras a lot yesterday. His 'bad' behavior (running into kids, tackling them) seems to only happen when the kids have little bursts of 'free time." He sits nicely for circle time, music time, reading, eating. His teachers said the same thing.

I felt a little better seeing that. I asked the teachers to redirect him so he's not running around like a loon.

I spoke to the pediatrician who said it wouldn't hurt to see a dev ped. I started the paperwork last night. I am going to give it a couple more weeks. I didn't realize SPD is not an official diagnosis.

I am not overly concerned about ASD so I'm really not motivated to put him through a 3rd evaluation right now.

DH and I also had a long talk about his diet. I think we need to cut WAY back on his sugar intake.

He slept MUCH better last night and was much calmer this morning. In fact, today was the first drop-off where he didn't cry at all.

Lovenyc · March 2014

YES! The red dyes are just terrible. Red tylenol? FORGET IT! Turns him into a lunatic.

Lovenyc · March 2014

I am right there with you. No one has ever suggested ASD w my son. There was one woman who suggested SPD. My first google search was overwhelming and all I kept reading was how many kids w ASH have SPD. So, I guess I made the link. I take the M-CHAT every month and it has always come back as Low Risk.

I, like you, feel that my son is socially immature. Apart from the hitting (which is new in the last week or so), his "rough" behavior is never in a malicious manner. He just doesn't seem to know his own strength. I am dying for the spring and summer so he can get outside and run like a puppy.

hopanka · March 2014

I wouldnt rule out ASD. There are a few soft markers that are jumping at me from your description that could be identified as soft markers for ASD. I think a developmental pedi appt is a good idea in your case. My DS has been dx'ed with HFA, even though dev pedi said he didnt have it at 2.5 and again at 3yo. Mind you they had 3 months worth of data on him, since he attended their intensive EI program (at UCLA) that the dev pedi was overseeing. Still, she said not an ASD twice. Sometimes, it is premature to say it isnt ASD at such a young age. DS is 8yo now and ASD has been confirmed.

hopanka · March 2014

To the OP. Such as: chronic ear infections and speech delay, a bad sleeper, impulsive/unpredictable in terms of emotional response, then some behaviors: laughing while being scolded, running around uncontrollably during music class, the physical interactions with peers at school she's describing, kicking toys in the tub...it all just rings a bell. By itself, none of these things is troublesome or unusual, but once they start accumulating, it sort of paints a clearer picture.

kcisthebombdotcom · March 2014

Lovenyc said:

Thank you all so much. I monitored him on the web cameras a lot yesterday. His 'bad' behavior (running into kids, tackling them) seems to only happen when the kids have little bursts of 'free time." He sits nicely for circle time, music time, reading, eating. His teachers said the same thing.
I felt a little better seeing that. I asked the teachers to redirect him so he's not running around like a loon.
I spoke to the pediatrician who said it wouldn't hurt to see a dev ped. I started the paperwork last night. I am going to give it a couple more weeks. I didn't realize SPD is not an official diagnosis.
I am not overly concerned about ASD so I'm really not motivated to put him through a 3rd evaluation right now.
DH and I also had a long talk about his diet. I think we need to cut WAY back on his sugar intake.
He slept MUCH better last night and was much calmer this morning. In fact, today was the first drop-off where he didn't cry at all.

My daughter is the same way--does great during circle time, music, etc but when she has free play she hates it. My dd doesn't hit other kids but behaviorally the biggest struggle they had with her was during free time. She's been in school for two months now and it has gotten better with time and practice. hopefully his teachers can work on some strategies to help.

Lovenyc · March 2014

Thanks for the feedback. I don't have any answers. I am definitely not trying to stick my head in the sand.

I am waiting to hear back about an appt with a dev pediatrician. The big thing with my son is the inconsistency. He'll go weeks at a time without any issues. He is as sweet as can be.

Then the aggressive behavior started last week. It lasted about two days and seems to have stopped. His behavior seems to improve once an ear infection starts to clear up.

This week he is reacting to punishment in an appropriate manner. Truth be told, we haven't been the toughest disciplinarians up until now. Perhaps that added to the issue. The only thing that is consistent is the kicking tub toys.

I am struggling right now because I am the only one who thinks he needs to see a dev pediatrician. DH is not on board. Family/friends are not on board. All I hear is "He's fine. He's fine. He's just ALL boy. It's the terrible twos. You the same way as a child. Give it time."

They are all adamant about it. DH is just scared I think (As am I) I don't know what he believes in his gut but he tells me he flat-out does not think our son is autistic. The EI evaluation in the fall was beyond stressful for him and it sent him into a terrible funk. He was 'relieved' when the evaluators said they saw no red flags for autism. I was relieved too but there was still that little itch in my gut about it.

He is honestly the most loveable, sweet, happy boy. His speech therapists comment on how smart he is. I feel like I am putting so much pressure on him to be "perfect."

I am not 'pushing' for an ASD diagnosis but I just want to know how to help him.

I never, ever expected that the greatest joy in my entire life would also be the source of the greatest stress and worry. I guess that's motherhood for you.

At this point, I am looking for any advice on what to do next. It's easy to say "Just follow your gut and get him an appointment" when DH is NOT on board. He is also his parent. I can't just make the appt without my husband. I love my husband beyond belief but I can see how some marriages fall apart because of these issues.

Oh and did I mention I'm due with baby boy #2 in 8 weeks? I have not been able to focus on this baby at all. (he's healthy, I'm taking care of myself) 100% of my focus has been on DS. I feel like this baby is getting short-changed already. And of course, I'm up all night worrying about how this baby will be. He could have issues that are far worse than his older brother.

I just don't know what to think or do anymore.

Lovenyc · March 2014

I wouldn't say he's making me choose. He is a wonderful father but he is scared. He's not on the internet all day reading about this like I am. He is a little older and def a bit old school. Again, it's not just him, it's both of our families chiming in as well. We had a Come to Jesus talk in the fall when I pushed for the EI evaluation. I'm glad we did it.

I faxed the new patient paperwork to the dev ped. We'll see when we can get in for an appointment.

Lovenyc · March 2014

Perhaps my husband has some guilt. I know he has read those studies. Another factor-- his older brother is profoundly deaf and has CP. I think he always feared have a child who had any problems.

Lovenyc · March 2014

That's a very good way of looking at it. Thanks!

rslhmg · March 2014

We are currently waiting for our official dx, but DD's dev pedi suspects spd on the sensory seeking side. Still wait listed for the behavioral group he referred us to, so nothing official yet. DH wasn't on board for an eval at first either, I'm not sure if it was denial or what, but once the dev pedi said there is definitely something going on, he started coming around. We were already seeing a dev pedi because DD was premature, so that made that step a little easier. It can be very difficult when you're not on the same page, I wish I could give you some advice that would help. We still butt heads over everything going on with DD, the stress of waiting doesn't help much either.
I will say, we see inconsistancy with DD as well, some days it makes me question if there is actually a problem. I've spoken with our dev pedi several times, and an EI worker we happened to meet while out one day (the EI worker isnt ours, but she noticed DDs behaviors and took the time to speak with me), from those conversations, I've gathered inconsistancy is pretty typical. I hope you can find some answers soon.

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