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This is me. . .

Married071709Married071709 member
edited March 2014 in July 2013 Moms
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Please help.  I know this has been beat to death but I'm at the end of my rope dangling over a cliff.  

DD goes down between 7-730pm.  She has been waking up every hour after 10:30pm.  No joke, 10:30, 11:30, 12am, etc. . . This morning at 2:30am I finally took her out to the couch so DH could get some sleep.  She slept on me until 6:30 when DH got up and then we went into the bedroom where she slept till 9:30am.  

Her crib is attached to our bed.  We modify co-sleep (is that such a thing).  I usually half lay in her bed to feed her and then scoot back over to my bed.  Currently we nurse to sleep.  That is pretty much our routine.  Change into jammies, say goodnight to daddy, go lay down, nurse to sleep.  

It makes me feel like a bad parent that I started a bad routine.  I wish I would have done things differently so she wasn't so attached to me.  It feels so wrong to say that because I was just doing what I thought was the best thing to do.  I feel like letting her CIO will make her feel like she can't trust me. :(  She just spent the last 10 mins crying herself to sleep for a nap.  I checked on her twice.  I feel horrible.  :(

The lack of sleep has me so rundown.  I'd be happy with a 4-5 hour block.  I got the flu and I feel like it's partly because I'm rundown.  Lack of sleep makes my PPD worse.  

I'm tempted to do CIO (with comfort checks every 3, 5, 10 mins) but I feel like it isn't the right thing to do.  I'm at the end of my rope, like I said.  Any advice/help?  Thank you in advance.  Sorry if this is jumbled (I feel like I'm losing my mind).  
After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
Born 7/30/13
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Re: This is me. . .

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  • Karebear6978Karebear6978 member
    CIO is tough and i know is not for everyone but I also know I was in ur shoes (kind of). Lo slept in her own room but was up every 30-60 and i knew it was not because she was hungry. I was having a hard time actually committing to CIO because I wasn't positive she wasn't waking cause she needed something. One night I guess my body had had enough. I went to bed and woke up the next day at 6am. My dh informed me she had woken up once and cried for about 15min but soon fell asleep and slept the rest of the night until 8am! The next night i decided we would stick with it and she woke up once and cried for maybe 3-5 min and again slept until 8am. The next night she slept all night w no wakeups! I don't feel her love or trust for me has changed one bit... that I can tell anyways.... good luck momma.... go w ur instinct
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  • Kitten80Kitten80 member
    *hugs*. This mommy thing is hard. Pre-kids, I had no idea how hard sleep and baby could be. If it makes you feel better, it very much could just be LO's style and it wouldn't have much mattered how you started.

    If CIO seems wrong for you, don't do it. I suggest slowly modifying your routine. I found starting with naps actually worked better than changing bedtime. We did a shorter version of bedtime at naps and I started laying each LO down drowsy, but awake. Sometimes this took multiple tries (which is where doing it at nap vs bed time was helpful). As LO got better at this, I moved how drowsy up a few minutes.

    Sleep deprivation is the worst and absolutely leads to negative health consequences. GL!

     

     

     

     

     

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  • EVA116EVA116 member

    I am so sorry. That is rough. I would say to start a new routine too. She is already waking up so much that you couldn't make it worse.

    I did do CIO and it worked for me. I like the idea of the No Cry Sleep Solution book.

    We do bath, jammies, book, bottle, and then I sing him a song and lay him down.

    Is everything okay with her? Ears are fine, no tummy troubles?

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  • Caitable25Caitable25 member
    mainerocks said:
    Ditto ElizabethAnn... read the NCSS book. It has some good tips in there that I think can help you. I wish you the best of luck. We've been in the every 2 hours camp and that alone is tough... 1 hour would be brutal!
    I also recommend the NCSS book.  It has helped us a lot and is very encouraging.  There are so really good tips to change the baby's sleep associations, triggers, etc.  We went from up every 2 hours to slowly getting 4,5,6 and even 7 hour stretches. Sleep is far from perfect and some nights are tougher than others, but overall we feel like we are making progress. 


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  • atlvolatlvol member
    I don't have any advice, but I hope that you find something that works for all of you soon!
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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    EVA116 said:

    I am so sorry. That is rough. I would say to start a new routine too. She is already waking up so much that you couldn't make it worse.

    I did do CIO and it worked for me. I like the idea of the No Cry Sleep Solution book.

    We do bath, jammies, book, bottle, and then I sing him a song and lay him down.

    Is everything okay with her? Ears are fine, no tummy troubles?

    I think her ears are ok??  She has been having trouble pooping but it's nothing new.  This has been going on for a while now and gets worse every night.
    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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  • EVA116EVA116 member

    I would have her ears checked. Does she have a runny nose? For the pooping thing I rub his belly clockwise....sometimes that works.

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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    No runny nose.  I've been sick but she doesn't seem to have caught it.  If she were to get what I have it would be obvious. 
    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    Also I don't mind feeding her during the night.  If I was hungry I would get up and eat.  I understand that she "should be able to sleep through the night without food" but she might actually be hungry.  I'm ok with night feeds I just wish it was after a 5-6 hour chunk of sleep. 
    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    lizabethann06 said:
    Also regarding PPD- are you seeing anyone about it? The first year after a baby is so tough. It helps to have someone to talk with, a safe place to go. Have you talked to your doctor at all?
    I'm on meds.  Some days I don't think they work.  I should see a counsellor but I don't have insurance and its $100-$120 a visit.  We just can't afford it right now.  I'm sure it will take multiple visits. 
    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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  • queenbonequeenbone member
    merc5411 said:
    We did CIO and A is still the happy giggly boy he's always been. Maybe more so now that he isn't so tired. He still prefers me over dh (but I have the boobs) but he'll go to any one. And I still feed him once during the night. I've figured out the difference between his "I want to be held" fussing and his "I need you" fussing. I'm not saying you should do CIO. It's really hard on you and if you aren't sure it'll be harder. But my experience, so far, is that A has no "abandonment" issues. Good luck with whatever you choose!
    To piggyback on this sentiment, we used the Ferber method with all 3 children and there are no long term ill effects. The boys are both the 'right' amount of attached to me. They aren't upset when I drop them off somewhere, but are also completely excited to see me when I pick them up and tackle me with hugs.  And DD was a much happier babe once she was getting long chunks of sleep.
    Also the Ferber book was helpful later on when DS1 developed night terrors.
    Married 9-4-04

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  • Married071709Married071709 member
    lizabethann06 said:
    I'm sorry. I hate to tell you this, but all you can do is ride it out. You might try The No Cry Sleep Solution method. It's a book & you can get it online. Some kids just need a lot of attention etc & don't sleep well. It's not bad parenting to follow your instincts & CIO does not work for every situation. I'm sorry. DD still has trouble some nights & she'll be 3 in October.
    I think sometimes people assume (not anyone in particular, just in general) that once a baby sttn, they always will. This is so not the case. Jack is four and there are still times he struggles. Whether it's illness or nightmares or growth spurts or random stuff like the night he woke up and wanted to know why corn was yellow and refused to go to bed until we answered. That doesn't mean he's a bad sleeper. That means he's a kid. Babies gonna baby!
    I know that she is just being a baby.  I realize that she isn't going to sttn one day and then do it forever.  That is ok.  I just need some sleep.  Some sleep that isn't interrupted every hour.  She is up every hour, it takes me a bit to fall back asleep so I'm really getting 30-45 mins at a time.  

    I will check out the NCSS.  Thank you for all your suggestions.

    After 4.5 years our miracle IVF baby is here!
    Born 7/30/13
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    lizabethann06 said:

    PrimRoseMama said:

    I'm sorry. I hate to tell you this, but all you can do is ride it out. You might try The No Cry Sleep Solution method. It's a book & you can get it online.

    Some kids just need a lot of attention etc & don't sleep well. It's not bad parenting to follow your instincts & CIO does not work for every situation.

    I'm sorry. DD still has trouble some nights & she'll be 3 in October.

    I think sometimes people assume (not anyone in particular, just in general) that once a baby sttn, they always will. This is so not the case. Jack is four and there are still times he struggles. Whether it's illness or nightmares or growth spurts or random stuff like the night he woke up and wanted to know why corn was yellow and refused to go to bed until we answered. That doesn't mean he's a bad sleeper. That means he's a kid. Babies gonna baby!
    Yeah, I don't understand this fixation on a kid never getting up at night. I still get up at night to pee, drink water. Sometimes I'm just up.

    I'm not sure why we expect babies to be different?


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  • EVA116EVA116 member

    I wanted to add that there is a PPD/PPA check in on parenting every week. Feel free to post in there. The ladies are super supportive too. PPD sucks and I have it too. It was worse with DS then DD. My meds are working now and I feel much better. no sleep + PPD = hell. I know what you are going through.

    Feel free to PM if you ever want to talk.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Welcome to my life, I'm sorry. I will say with my LO it was awful I mean awful for 3 straight months. This month has gotten better, so hang in there!
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  • DenverBride2005DenverBride2005 member
    No advice other than what the PPs have posted--only book not mentioned yet is Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child--his book has kind of been linked to more CIO-type methods but as I recall he does also have no-cry strategies as well.  

    I'm at a loss for what to do in our house, too--DS1 was STTN fairly consistenly by 7 months....I never actually thought I'd have a child that would take longer than that.  Boy was I wrong!! :(  I may look into NCSS since so many ladies on here have found it helpful.  I don't want to go back to co-sleeping, but it might help give me some ideas that I haven't tried yet.  

    I think the biggest thing I need to do right now is change up his bedtime routine (which is so consistent, it's literally down to the minute) so I don't nurse to sleep...may try "drowsy but awake"...?
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  • kathleen02kathleen02 member
    It's so hard to give advice because none of us are parents to your little girl. My boy wakes a lot at night still and unfortunately CIO just didn't work for him so much either. There does get to a point where we'll nurse, rock or hold him, checking temperature, diaper etc. (all in the dark so to let him know it's not awake time) but if everything is tried and checked, we'll let him lay in bed awake. My DH and I both work full time so some nights are rough. I can tell you though that it will get easier. Trust me. Trust your instincts. They are telling you not to let your DD cry it out which works for you and her. Believe me, she won't become dependant on this sleep situation, she'll eventually get it. Some babies take a little longer at figuring the whole sleep thing out. My guess is by 11 months she'll be waking less. I know I feel awesome when I only have to wake once a night unlike last night where it was 3 or 4...I lost count.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    queenbone said:


    PrimRoseMama said:

    lizabethann06 said:

    PrimRoseMama said:

    I'm sorry. I hate to tell you this, but all you can do is ride it out. You might try The No Cry Sleep Solution method. It's a book & you can get it online.

    Some kids just need a lot of attention etc & don't sleep well. It's not bad parenting to follow your instincts & CIO does not work for every situation.

    I'm sorry. DD still has trouble some nights & she'll be 3 in October.

    I think sometimes people assume (not anyone in particular, just in general) that once a baby sttn, they always will. This is so not the case. Jack is four and there are still times he struggles. Whether it's illness or nightmares or growth spurts or random stuff like the night he woke up and wanted to know why corn was yellow and refused to go to bed until we answered. That doesn't mean he's a bad sleeper. That means he's a kid. Babies gonna baby!
    Yeah, I don't understand this fixation on a kid never getting up at night. I still get up at night to pee, drink water. Sometimes I'm just up.

    I'm not sure why we expect babies to be different?

    I don't think anybody does. But most adults and children don't wake up every hour on the hour. She's just looking for more normalcy.

    That makes sense. Sometimes babies being up every hour IS normal for that baby. I mean, what is normal for one doesn't work for another. I'm just saying it's a lot easier to be flexible & not put expectations on you or your child. It creates resentment & stress.

    One thing I've had to make peace with is that my needs are not always going to align with my baby's needs/desires. Sometimes it's just frustrating & upsetting but that's just it, for now. It won't be this way forever & I try to talk myself out of being too freaked out about it.

    It absolutely sucks, but "normalcy" changes for us by the week/day/month.


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  • DenverBride2005DenverBride2005 member
    Also--I know it doesn't make the sleepless nights any easier, but I saw this on FB the other day--totally made me cry--they won't need us forever! It has helped me keep things in perspective the last few days: https://yourbestnestindy.com/2014/02/27/mommy-somebody-needs-you/
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  • EagleWifeEagleWife member
    How ya doing tonight, @Married071709 ? Hopefully you are sleeping now  I-)
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