Community› The Bump Month Clubs› March 2013 Moms
March 2013 Moms
New Discussion

Hubby troubles...

Blondie1212Blondie1212 member
in March 2013 Moms
My husband is great I love him, but this has been such a tough year for us. I feel like we keep arguing. I miss how we used to be. I know it won't be forever I just wish we could go back to "normal". It just seems like he has had a very hard time adjusting to the changes life has brought for us and his family is so pushy and irritating that they don't help matters. So sad :(
Report Reply to Post

Re: Hubby troubles...

  • egb+jafegb+jaf member
    Counseling. Forreal. Me and my husband starting going when dd was 6ish months and it's been amazing. We communicate better, we understand each other again and it has made all the difference. And starting counseling doesn't mean you're on the verge of divorce or aren't in love any more, just that you want to work on your relationship for each other and your child/ren

    Hope that helps!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • KellyAnne82KellyAnne82 member
    I totally agree. We sought counseling prior to getting pregnant and it made a world of difference in our relationship. At first, DH was really against the idea. He thought our female therapist would immediately side with me and vilify him. Of course, she pointed out some of my communication issues and he felt very validated. Even to this day, sometimes he repeats things she said verbatim (like, "you're talking this in circles, but you're never going to get the answer you want"). I cringe a little (ha!), but the truth is we communicate so much better as a result.
    Report Reply
  • egb+jafegb+jaf member
    KellyAnne82 said:

    "you're talking this in circles, but you're never going to get the answer you want"). I cringe a little (ha!)

    That is SO me! Haha
    Report Reply
  • SidraJediSidraJedi member
    DH and I have not been fighting or whatnot but becoming parents has definitely made a fissure in our closeness. It is totally normal. We may or may not get counciling (cost is the issue here) but we are both making an effort to communicate daily. Communication is so important and sometimes counciling is the only thing that facilitates communication. It can also help for a short time just to get the ball rolling (what we might do).

    GL and this is totally normal!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Mrs.CastaldiMrs.Castaldi member
    We haven't done counseling here, yet, but I feel your pain. We went from not planning on having any kids and traveling a lot, to having a kid and me staying home with him. It's been a big adjustment on both ends and we are certainly drifting from eachother. It's like we're just roommates right now. It does get very lonely and hard to explain. Then you feel guilty that this "happy life" isn't satisfying you.

    Hope it gets better.
    Report Reply
  • smfdjosmfdjo member
    I am sorry I know a new baby isn't easy on a marriage.  If counseling is an option or you have an EAP at work I would try that.  

    But you aren't alone, this is a new change for most of us.
    Report Reply
  • Jbunny100Jbunny100 member
    DH and I also had a rough time for the first 6 months.  I can totally relate to missing how things used to be.  We had to have a heart to heart where I told him I hate that we are getting to the point that we cannot stand to look at each other.  Now we are working even harder on things.  It also helps us to get out for a date night.  We are trying to do those every other week.  Good luck and as in PP, it is totally normal.

      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     

    ;

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
    Go on date nights!!! Counseling may help but you guys need to find each other again and remember why you got together in the first place. Make each other a priority, do little special things for one another. Have a glass of wine by the fire or take a bath together while lo is sleeping...I know having a baby is time and attention consuming but make the time to start showing your dh how important he is to you and eventually he may start reciprocating. Oh, and have lots of sex Lol I promise it helps! Our relationship totally went through a rough patch when dd was born, but once we started making time for each other again and not putting so much emphasis on what the other person was doing "wrong" we not only got our relationship back on track but I really do feel like we are closer than ever before! GL!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • saraennssaraenns member
    Shocked and relieved to see others having such maritial challenges. Tough year for sure ;p
    Report Reply
  • Devbo18Devbo18 member
    We aren't having troubles per say, but we need to be having more sex. It can truly make or break a marriage, it is just so hard for me to get in the mood since our son was born. I keep telling myself my low sex drive is bc I still breastfeed, and I hope it's true. I still think my husband is hot and I love him so much, but I need to do better showing him that!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • APSnewmexAPSnewmex member
    "We aren't having troubles per say, but we need to be having more sex. It can truly make or break a marriage, it is just so hard for me to get in the mood since our son was born. I keep telling myself my low sex drive is bc I still breastfeed, and I hope it's true. I still think my husband is hot and I love him so much, but I need to do better showing him that!"
    This is our overwhelming issue. Before LO was born, we were like bunnies, going at it all the time.  Now, the mere thought of sex is just exhausting and, shockingly, borderline aggravating. I find I'm irritated with DH for even suggesting it when he knows how little it does for me right now.  I feel like I would have to fake arousal and I don't want to start doing that--introducing dishonesty into our relationship.  I love him so much and still find him incredibly sexy; I just really don't crave sex right now.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get my drive back when we ween and that DH doesn't start to resent me or LO in the meantime.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Jbunny100Jbunny100 member
    APSnewmex said:
    "We aren't having troubles per say, but we need to be having more sex. It can truly make or break a marriage, it is just so hard for me to get in the mood since our son was born. I keep telling myself my low sex drive is bc I still breastfeed, and I hope it's true. I still think my husband is hot and I love him so much, but I need to do better showing him that!"
    This is our overwhelming issue. Before LO was born, we were like bunnies, going at it all the time.  Now, the mere thought of sex is just exhausting and, shockingly, borderline aggravating. I find I'm irritated with DH for even suggesting it when he knows how little it does for me right now.  I feel like I would have to fake arousal and I don't want to start doing that--introducing dishonesty into our relationship.  I love him so much and still find him incredibly sexy; I just really don't crave sex right now.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get my drive back when we ween and that DH doesn't start to resent me or LO in the meantime.
    I finally got my drive back about 2 months ago when DS dropped to nursing 4 times per day.  One thing that really helped me was to stop waiting until night time to have sex.  I was just too tired and the idea of it was less than appealing.  I decided that since I have energy during the day I would utilize DS nap time on the weekends to initiate sex.  It definitely helped and I didn't have to fake it like I would at night.  So maybe try finding a time where you have more energy during the day and see if you can fit in sex then.  Good luck to you!

      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     

    ;

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • KellyAnne82KellyAnne82 member
    I will say that weaning DD really helped in regards to my libido. I really saw my body as belonging a bit to her (nurse her, pump for her, lather, rinse, repeat) and now I feel as though I've got it back. Now the only thing getting in the way of a really fantastic sex life (with DH, of course) is my sleep. ;)
    Report Reply
  • youenjoymyselfyouenjoymyself member
    Devbo18 said:
    We aren't having troubles per say, but we need to be having more sex. It can truly make or break a marriage, it is just so hard for me to get in the mood since our son was born. I keep telling myself my low sex drive is bc I still breastfeed, and I hope it's true. I still think my husband is hot and I love him so much, but I need to do better showing him that!
    Same here.  Tough stuff.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • rm2013rm2013 member
    All of this and what PPs said. We've only had sex three or four times since LO was born :( we argue and snipe at each other a lot and it just seems like my world just revolves around LO. I EBF, work full time at a high stress j, and DH travels a lot so I'm doing it all myself a lot of the time and am exhausted after 18 hour days with no help. Last thing on my mind is sex. I really don't know what to do but hope we can tough it out though this rough patch.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    image



    image

    Report Reply
  • Devbo18Devbo18 member
    I took the advice on daytime sex... Fantastic idea! As soon as I put LO down on Saturday, I initiated. My husband was happy enough with that! Lol, but seriously, so much better bc I had the energy and was into it! Makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • zzbbzzbb member
    I feel the same way...too many changes in a very short amount of time affected the calmness that we were accustomed too.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"