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Death of a grandparent

08summerbride08summerbride member
in Parenting
I am active on the monthly board for my 2nd, but thought there might be more parents of preschool aged children here.  Does anyone have tips or experience with explaining the loss of a grand parent to a 4 year old?  My mother in law is currently in hospice care and doesn't have long left, so I assume we will be heading to the funeral in a week or so, and I am starting to stress over how to handle things with DD.  We went up to see her 2 weeks ago so that my daughter could spend time with her before it got too bad, so currently she knows grandma was "sick" and knows that her dad is there now, but that is all she knows.  

I have a list of books to check out, but I am just dreading the conversation and afraid to say the wrong thing. Any tips are greatly apprecaited. 

Thanks. 
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Re: Death of a grandparent

  • ppantsppants member
    My grandpa ( kids great grandpa) died very expectedly when they were 4 almost 5. I explained that his heart quit working and the dr's tried to help him, but were unable to. They didn't attend the funeral because I knew we were all going to be an emotional mess. We did visit the cemetery later. Even though it's been a few years, they will sometimes still cry about missing him. Enjoy the time you have left with MIL. ((Hugs))
    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • 08summerbride08summerbride member
    PrivacyWanted said:
    good books are "When Dinosaurs Die" and "I miss you: A first look at Death".  Not sure what's already on your list.
    While we haven't faced a grandparent death, we did face the death of my brother, so the kid's uncle.  We spoke to a children's grief counselor some time ago who said with young kids to avoid things like "Uncle went to Heaven/a better place" because it's too difficult for them to conceptualize. So instead we say "his body stopped working."  We talk about how we miss him, and keep his memory alive, but can't make new ones etc. DD was only 18 months when he was killed, so it's different because she's never known him alive, but I think it works.  DD understands he can't call/visit etc.

    So sorry you have to deal with this.
    Thanks for the tips.  That sounds like better language to use.  I am not sure what we are going to do regarding the funeral, because we will have to travel.  If the funeral were local, I would consider getting a sitter and then take her to the cemetery later, but that won't be an option since we have to travel at least to OH and possibly to NY, depending on if they decide to have something where she currently lives and then the burial location. 
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