coming out...

sailorgal · March 2014

Who else has "hid" their fertility issues?

I finally told a few people awhile back but still kept it pretty much to ourselves. DH and I don't even really talk about it much anymore. I'm not a big "talker", nor is he. And the few people I told got awkward and now I find they just avoid all baby talk all together including sharing with me their good news so ultimately I feel left out which, for me, is a worse feeling than having to listen to them gab on about babies.

But today while waiting for the school bell to ring another mom said to me "so plans for any more kids?" and I tend to give different answers each time like yes or no or not sure or joke "well this one's enough work". But today I said with uncertainty, "well, we've been trying". And it felt just so good to just say it. She knew immediately what I meant and launched into her own IF issues she'd had with conceiving her 3 kidlets. I think I felt comfortable saying it because I suspected that possibly she may have simple because she is AMA and has twins, which I know is no certainty, just a small suspicion that I think helped me take the risk of saying it.

Anyways, coming out, even to one person can feel so good! Feel less alone.

Momarazzi007 · March 2014

So mixed- hub's father refuses to acknowledge it so keeps asking me when we are having another kid. I always want to respond when his son's junk starts working- only to get him to acknowledge the issue and stop putting it on me. But he does our taxes each year so he is going to for the first time see us trying to claim medical expenses from our failed FET. Maybe then he'll stop, idk. I told the women at work about last FET, no one gave a crap or asked how I was doing, how it went- nothing. I work at a church! We told two friends / couples- and they are cool, but it is like aside from them- we have had so much not caring and ignoring of the problem- I have given up opening up to people. My mom was even like- well, just don't wait too long. Really? That was helpful. You ladies are all I got. Oh- and one of the couples we told- the woman who is my "friend" responded back, "wow... I feel so bad... I have three kids and If I wanted another I'd just go off my pills a month and I'd be pregnant, bam!" Eff you. Smdh. b-(
My other friend has pcos and mild mfi and after a few rounds of clomid and a miscarriage at 14 weeks (d&c on her bday

) finally got her baby and he is six now- so she gets it and is totally supportive, makes up for other one. Anyway- would love to be open more about it- but feel I have a gag order between insensitive and ignorance.

Jen071407 · March 2014

I'm glad you could "come out" to someone, and even more glad that she got it. I have some amazingly supportive friends that know what's going on, but none of them have dealt with IF personally. I've also had moments like yours with acquaintances and I am always so surprised by how many people are dealing/have dealt with IF.

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Clagore · March 2014

I'm a pretty open book. I will tell my story if it comes up. But we have a new crowd of friends since we went through everything before DD, so when the M/C happened last summer was the first time talking to a lot of them about our history. So many of my friends are the type to just boom! decide to get pg, do it, and have a baby. Our road is just not as black and white.

And if I may, @JimBobCooter, and anyone else who knows people who are like "It means God doesn't want you to have a baby." WTF is that? I know the God thing is sensitive so I'll try to say this without being offensive but I've always wondered why they can't see it as "Wow! Isn't it amazing that God has provided doctors and science with the ability to know as much about ART to help infertility more these days than they ever have before?"

Momarazzi007 · March 2014

Seriously!!! All that!!!

designer303 · March 2014

I was totally in the closet until about 6 months ago. I don't know what changed exactly, but when we were trying for G it felt like a dirty secret that had to be protected at all costs and now its who I am, its how we got to have G in our lives and its also a battle that we are waging again and it just comes out naturally. Don't get me wrong I dont really share with strangers, but co-workers and most friends and family know at this point and thats mostly because as always they havent been able to mind their own business and they ask stupid questions. So now, instead of quietly brewing about how insensitive their comments were, I am more open about whats going on and its feels much better. Like when we were trying for G MIL would always ask when I was going to give her a grandbaby and I would go in a room and cry (hormone injections did not help with the crying) this time when she asked about a second, I said I have no idea mom, I guess if god blesses us with another miracle thats when we will have one. She asked a few other questions and I told her that it was not easy for us to have G and that we were having the same issues again, if nothing else it has helped her and I feel alittle bit closer because she didnt really know me, because I was hiding me and now she does know more about me, because in the end this is who I am.

@sailorgal I am glad that you were able to open up about your struggle and that it was well recieved and mostly that it made you feel better.

freakyfast · March 2014

We are pretty much in the closet. Only my immediate side knows, because I had to have the tubal surgery, and I know it is standard but you never know if something can/will happen. I didn't want DH to have to explain if something did happen to me. Other than that closed book. I am glad you 'coming out' made you feel better.

chrissynena · March 2014

We are pretty open with our IF journey with friends (which really aren't that many) and family. A pretty close friend didn't understand and kept saying "maybe you just need that one special night". Um nope pretty sure no eggs=no baby. I stopped talking to her about it. At work, I pick and choose who I talk to about it because most of them are mean, hateful, and incapable of understanding. Those people in my life that didn't know probably got the hint when I "liked" my fertility centers facebook page.

I'm glad you have felt better being able to talk about it.

lcloffredo · March 2014

I have one friend that knows what I am going through. She just got her BPF though and it's identical twins. Our families don't even know we are trying to have another baby. I don't like talking about it except with people who know what it's like so you guys are really all I have now that my friend is KU. I don't feel like I can talk to her anymore because she's done with that part and looking forward to her babies and I don't blame her.

Momarazzi007 · March 2014

I get that! I'm literally last person I know trying- my nieces are like 17 & 15 and I have friends from high school with 5-12 year olds! I have been told that I have one, most people I know stopped at one so it is weird concept I guess for them for a sibling. My cousin just it ku, but she is like ten years younger than me. I love this board.

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