February 2013 Moms
TarheelMama202
member
Daycare vent...I'm so frustrated. (Very, very long)
TarheelMama202
member
We had a scary daycare situation occur when we first put DS in daycare at 9 weeks old (short story: they fed him rice cereal without our permission, he had blood in his stools for two days), so we hired a nanny for the first year of his life. We absolutely loved our nanny. She was like another mother to DS, but financially, we couldn't make it work to keep her on past a year. We decided to start DS in daycare at one so he could get some socialization. DS started daycare on February 3rd, the day after his one-year birthday, at a brand-new facility that has two infant rooms (A is for infants up to 6 months, B is for infants 6-12 months) and a toddler room. We were told that he would most likely start in the toddler room when he began, which was fine with me.
February 2nd rolls around and he's put in the infant B classroom, which actually turned out to be a perfect because there were three other babies in his room that were born in February, all two days apart after DS' birthday being 2/2: 2/24, 2/26, 2/28. There was a great little group of them in there, all around the same skill level. One of them is walking, one is taking a few steps, and then DS and another one of these kiddos are not walking independently at all.
Since DS has never been in daycare, he's struggled a little bit to feel comfortable there. I know that he doesn't do nearly as much there as he does at home when it comes to walking, cruising, etc. At home, he is cruising easily between pieces of furniture, waves to everyone and everything, plays peekaboo on his own, and is starting to have several words. At daycare, it's a different story. Because there are so many other babies, I think he sort of hangs back and does his own thing. Since starting daycare, he's also been sick a lot; one of these illnesses landed us in the ER because of his scary-high fever. He's missed several days this past month, so he is still getting acclimated.
However, I've had some concerns recently. Several times when I've dropped him off, his classroom teacher isn't there yet, so I have to drop him off in another room- usually the Infant A room. This wouldn't be a big deal if it only happened a few times, but it has started to become the rule and not the exception. I've also come to pick him up a lot recently and had to go wandering to find him-- last week, he was with the toddlers outside. There's very little consistency with who his daycare provider is-- somedays he's with the Infant A ladies in the morning, goes to the Infant B room during the day, and then ends up with the toddlers in the afternoon because some of the workers have to leave. (I should note that his day at DC isn't as long as some others: I drop him off usually around 7:45 and pick him up by 4 at the latest).
Today, I got really annoyed. I came to pick him up early from daycare because our school system closed early due to inclement weather. I picked him up right at 12. I went to his usual Infant B classroom-- no one is in there, the lights are off. So, I go to the toddler classroom to look for him. He's not in there, but there is a sign on the toddler room that says "Welcome to the Toddler room, Baby 1 and Baby 2!" Baby 1 and Baby 2 were two of the infants who were in DS' room originally and were born at the end of February, but have I guess now been moved up. (Another confusing piece: Baby 1 is able to take a few steps, then falls, Baby 2 is not walking at all).
Finally, I go to the Infant A room. And in the midst of all of these little tiny 3 month olds in bouncers and swings is my guy-- sitting there playing by himself. It broke my heart. I asked the ladies in the Infant A room where DS' normal teacher was, and apparently she had to leave early. Again. Then, one of the ladies in the infant A room asked if DS was a year old yet. I told her that he actually had turned 13 months old yesterday. Her response was that she had noticed him pulling himself up and maybe he would be walking soon. I told her that he cruises all around our house with ease, so I had no doubt he would soon be walking. Then, she said "Bye, Henry! Wave bye!" DS didn't wave back. I told her he waves all the time at home. She said, "I'm sure he does all sorts of things at home. I bet we wouldn't even recognize him if we saw the way he acted there."
At this point, I'm pissed. I head to the director of the daycare's office and ask if they always move the kids around from room to room in the middle of the day. She told me that not always, but DS' teacher had to leave in the middle of the day, so they moved him into Infant A. I then asked her if they were going to be moving him up at any point, since I saw that they had moved two of the other kids in his age group up. She said she wanted to wait until he was better on his feet before moving him and that she would probably move him in April.
I'm probably being totally irrational about this, but here are the things I'm annoyed by:
1. My kid is moved from room to room, day in and day out. I'm pretty sure because of this, he's had a hard time adjusting and trusting the people taking care of him. Because of that, I don't think he's doing a lot of what he developmentally can. What I know about my kid so far is that he's cautious; he's not willing to take risks unless he knows there are adults there that he can trust.
2. I'm having to track him down every. single. day. This isn't cool. If I drop my kid off in one classroom, I expect to pick him up in that same classroom at the end of the day. I know that sometimes things change and there are emergencies, but this shouldn't be happening as often as it is.
3. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to who is getting "moved up" from one classroom to another. For instance, of the two kids that were moved up to the toddler room, one of them is able to take a few steps, the other isn't walking at all. In fact, the best walker in the bunch is staying behind in the Infant B room with DS.
4. It is not helping my child developmentally, at all, to be placed in a classroom of infants who are not past the bouncer stage yet. None of the kids in the Infant A room are anywhere close to being mobile. How is this going to help my child grow? As an educator, when I have kids who are not quite where I want them to be yet, I pair them with others who are so they can help pull that child up.
Congratulations if you got to the end of this post. Currently, DH is at daycare having another conversation with the director. I'm beginning to think that we're just not cut out for daycare. We might be going back to our nanny and breaking the bank.
BFP- 5/23/12 EDD- 1/23/13 DS born 2/2/13
Baby BOY #2 coming in May!
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Re: Daycare vent...I'm so frustrated. (Very, very long)
Have you considered an in home daycare?
We adore our DCP. The lady that runs it has a background in education and as the kids get older, she runs her daycare as a preschool with a reading curriculum, and lessons/activites on colors, numbers, etc. It's her and her daughter as the assistant with 10 kids total ranging from infant to preschool.
It's such a warm, inviting environment and DS is absolutely thriving there.
An in home might be a happy medium between having the socialization of daycare, but the more individualized attention. It's also less costly!
Sorry you're having such a difficult time Mama! Hope things work out for you and Mr. H soon!
Edited - typo
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
First off I'd be pissed too.
I think the lack of stability is not helping. My DS was very shy around new people and did not handle transition well until about 2. I would start looking in new daycares any another center will be a better fit.
My opinion - What I would do is go back to in-home care. If you made it happen financially for a year, I'm sure you can make it happen again if you readjust your budget a little. I think this would alleviate all of your concerns......except the socialization thing. But I don't think that should be a concern at age one. Your sitter could take your son to the park a couple times a week to play with other kids and that is plenty of socialization for a toddler. He'll get far more developmentally from one-on-one attention with an adult than from a room full of toddlers.
The lady we send our DS to is a former nanny. She watches four kids total. My son, a three year old, a four year old and her own infant son. She works with them on colors, shapes, numbers, does story time, feeds them lunch, naps etc. We've been really happy with her.
DS born: February 2013
TTC #2: Nov. 14
Chemical pregnancy 09/16/15
BFP: 12/25/15 EDD: 09/04/16
I totally get your frustration. However, I don't know that I am with the norm on TB since I don't think everything you mentioned is necessarily a big deal.
1. There is a lot of moving from room-to-room at my DCP, too. Most of the time they're doing this to stay within required ratio. In the first couple of months it's frustrating and can be confusing for the kids, but as long as he has the same few teachers the majority of the time, I don't think it's a huge deal.
2. Are all three classrooms pretty close together, in one hallway, or are you having to wander all around the building to find your DS? If you're having to run around the building to find him that's a no-go, but if all the classrooms are within close proximity, I wouldn't worry too much.
3. This would bother me. Why is the younger kid who is not mobile moving up, but your kid is staying behind with the teeny babies? No bueno. I would definitely bring this up to the director and try to get a clear, straight answer. They should have no problem explaining the policy to you, and if they do, that would be a problem.
4. I wouldn't worry too much about his development re: being amongst his peers at this stage. Yes, it might be good for him to be around kids more at his level, but I really don't think he's going to be harmed much by a day or two away from toddlers and in with the teenies.
Overall, I have had a lot of struggles with accepting certain things about daycare centers in general. I admit, I will not be truly satisfied unless I can SAH or get a nanny (neither of which are even remote possibilities), so it is what it is. It tooks DS a good 2 months to get into a groove at his daycare, and only recently has he started smiling and laughing when he sees me at pickup, vs. this sad little desperate-sounding fuss he used to do until I picked him up. It's a major adjustment, but I think he'll be just fine with a little more time.
But Drea's suggestion of an in-home is also something to consider. I have been thinking about this, as well
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
In terms of your son not feeling comfortable, give it time. He is getting used to the new environment, and would have to do it again if you moved him anyway.
I don't mean to be offensive, just trying to show a different perspective. Obviously if you don't feel right about leaving your son there, you have every right to pull him.
Good luck! I hope that you can find a better solution! I HATE having to look all over a center to find my kids.
What about a nanny share? Ours has by and large been great (minus my occasional working mom guilt moments), but it's definitely more affordable and our DS interacts with the other boy as much as he would a sibling if I stayed home. Maybe see if there is a listserve or craigslist section and you could post on there and stick with your current nanny.
It's hard to say but if you don't feel right about the center now then I would explore other options. Perhaps things will improve in the meantime.
The teacher may also be the issue ...
Before writing off day care, I would schedule a meeting with the director and voice your concerns. Sit down with a list and go down the list, and see what they have to say.
I will say that daycare has overall been a positive experience for us. We've had a few teachers that weren't my favorites, but we've had some great ones too. I know they are always safe, well-fed, and have more than one adult around at any given time, which was a bonus for me. It really is such a personal decision though.
I have a Daughter born 2/26/2013. She is pretty much amazing!
ByeByeBooze said: The best daycare advice I ever got was that the daycare works for you. If there's something you're unhappy about and want to change, tell them it needs to change. You might have to work together to find a solution and you might both need to compromise, but you are paying them ridiculous amounts of money and they need to give you great service in return. If it was me and I had your concerns, I would ask to move into the toddler room immediately. It sounds like there are more kids, so the room and teachers would be more consistent, plus it would put your DS in a more developmentally appropriate group. They should be able to accommodate you. Know though that he might come home with bumps and bruise from being knocked down (not meanly) and because, at least where my kid goes, the toddler room has a lot more stuff to bump into. If they won't move him right now, maybe you can come up with a transition plan - like when his Room B teacher isn't there, he always goes to the toddler room to help get used to it. Yes to the bolded- those are my thoughts exactly. With the exception of a few hundred dollars a month, I almost pay to work! All I really want is for my child to be safe, happy, and in consistent environment. I totally understand that sometimes things come up and due to the need to maintain ratios, kids are moved around. But when it happens every day, I get concerned- especially since as I mentioned before, I'm typically picking him up on the earlier side!
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
I have a Daughter born 2/26/2013. She is pretty much amazing!
Love you all!! I'm so excited to hear about your house!