Mothers....(Rant)

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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changingnames · March 2014

That sucks, I'm sorry your mom was so insensitive to your feelings. Too bad your very responsible planning is keeping her for what she wants but you can't have an ill timed pregnancy just to make her happy - trust me you will be so happy that you waited till it was the right time for you guys (of course if you have a timing oops and baby comes sooner you will still be outrageously happy to be a parent but you may have to give some things up or find it harder to fulfill certain goals like school). I was in my mid twenties when. I got married and my husband already had a solid career, we waited a year or so after the weddings not hen started trying- nothing......... Two years of infertility with my mom living next door and making all sorts of rude whoa is me when will I ever get a grandchild comments- hello I'm trying my hardest. Eventually you will both get what you want and it won't matter how or when you got there (we have two little boys now).

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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Jags8 · March 2014

Oh wow I'm sorry. DH and I have been married for two years. I was able to hold off those comments for the first year cuz DH was deployed (can't get pregnant by myself)! But ever since he got home, relatives are constantly asking when we are going to have kids, as if marriage=babies.

Luckily none of those comments have come from any of my parents. I'm glad you said something to your mom so that she knows what she said was inappropriate and hurtful! And I'm glad that you're responsible enough to know that now is not the right time. Things don't just "work out."

SmileyJay · March 2014

Some people are just insensitive and have no idea how their words affect other people. Pity them and move on. I see how this really hurts coming from your mother. Does she often do things that are self-centered? Or talk about herself a lot? I only ask because it sounds like she views your children as how it would be great for her - SHE gets to be a grandma, SHE will love the kids, etc. rather than what is best for you or the child. It's immature and I hate that so many people are like this.

I have had a lot of this in my life. We have been married 2 1/2 years, finished college, bought a house, etc. and everyone is like "what are you waiting for?!" We want kids soon but really aren't in a huge rush. We have waited a while because we are young and want to give our kids the best we can... if we had gotten pregnant years ago when others were urging us, it would have been a bad situation all around. We would have "made it work" but there is no way we could be even close to where we are at now financially. MIL recently said she is "so ready for us to have kids" and I said "well, I'm sure what you mean is you are ready for us to be ready to have kids..." She gets it, but sometimes it is hard to see things from others perspectives. We also don't want family to know if we are ttc because we don't want all the questions all the time.

Just keep your head up and know you are doing the best you can for your little family. One day you will probably have a child (or two, or three...) and she will be glad you waited and can provide for your family.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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mm529 · March 2014

Wow, I'm so sorry your mother is so insensitive. It sounds like you and your DH are making some very responsible choices for yourselves and your future family. Your mother should be proud of you for that!

On the flip side, at least you know your family will be thrilled (and hopefully very helpful) whenever the time is right to expand your family.

Just to give you some perspective: My ILs broke down in hysterics last time DH and I mentioned we are considering kids in the next few years or so... I'm talking crying and yelling along the lines of "That's the worst news ever! You're so naive and have no clue what you're getting yourself into! I'm not ready to be a grandparent! Blah blah blah." Which is a fairly awful thing to experience as well.

SmileyJay · March 2014

@mm529 - wow! I can not even imagine that. What did your H say to them? That seems like such an odd response to someone telling you "in the next few years..." lol

@AudeSapere89 - Just like others said you sound like you and your husband are working towards being ready and are on the right track - your mom should be so proud!

On another note - I could see that from her being a teen when she had you, she feels like you have no reason to wait because you are in a better situation than she was. I have to be careful with words with our families for this same reason - when you have more than someone else and are still choosing to wait sometimes it can come across as judge-y of their life choices, even if it's not your intention. You know what I mean?

mm529 · March 2014

TheCraftyKoala said:
@mm529 - wow! I can not even imagine that. What did your H say to them? That seems like such an odd response to someone telling you "in the next few years..." lol

Eh, we pretty much stood there in shock and then changed the topic. His folks can be irrational so we try not to engage when they act like that. DH just let's it roll off since their opinions don't factor into our choices, but I'm still offended!

I would love to have family asking us when we plan on conceiving because at least it means they are thrilled for our family... But then again the grass is always greener

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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[Deleted User] · March 2014

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