Explaining a Pet's Death to a Toddler? (advance planning only)

martinimomma · March 2014

Hi Ladies - This is something that is going to be relevant for us in the next year or so, I think, and it has been on my mind so I thought I would ask the question now and see if I can do a little advance planning to ease my mind. I would love to hear about your experiences, good and bad.

I apologize in advance if this brings up bad or sad memories for anyone who lost a pet as a child or at any age.

Our beloved furbaby is a border collie shepherd mix who will be 15 in July. Until the last few months, she has had many helathy years and the energy of a much younger dog, and no one believed how old she was. Whether it is just the time, or the terrible winter, or both, she has slowed down quite a bit. She sleeps most days for maybe 18-20 hours (that's my best guess). She does not appear to be in any pain, but her back legs are abviously getting a bit weaker though she sitll likes to go for walks most times you offer. She is not incontinent, but she had one "accident" around Christmas and when we take her out to pee, she gets like 3 feet outside of the door onto the driveway and goes (granted everything is covered in snow so she can't see what is lawn and what is driveway). Her appetite is reduced - even for people food which DH had been giving her to increase her calories and fat since late last fall (supplementing kibble with ground turkey or beef, rotisserie chicken, etc.). She is down to about 46 pounds from 52-54. She looks and acts like a skinny, quirky, grandma dog. If they made Ensure for dogs, we'd be trying to get her to drink it. But, her last check up was generally good, so she is likely to be here for a bit of time yet.

DH is already starting to mourn her and say things like he won't know what to do without her (and he won't - he had her since she was barely weaned). But he is an adult and can handle it (I hope). My concern is for DS, who is 2.5 and a very sensitive kid. He LOVES this dog. Loves loves loves her. And I dread trying to explain to him when she dies/is dying.

Has anyone had to break this to their littles when they were still so little? Has anyone had this happen to them as a very young child and still remember it?

My mother of course says to tell him that the dog "went" somewhere (like the old "farm" story) but I just don't think that will work, and I am not sure he is old enough to process "death" without getting really freaked.

I welcome your thoughts.

ProfessorPedals825 · March 2014

I've heard of a book called Dog Heaven, but I've heard it's more targeted to kids age 4 and up. It may be worth looking into though.

srcr2011 · March 2014

I am so sorry about your dog. ((HUGS)) I hope she starts feeling better. I don't have any advice on this, my son is 3 has although we lost 2 dogs, he was too young to even realize what happened (he was 1 at the time). I know this is different, but when a great aunt passed away, my nephew (who was about 3 or 4 at the time) was told she went to live in heaven. He threw a fit because he said he wanted to go to heave and visit her and could not understand that he couldn't. Even during the funeral serviced we had to take him out because was yelling he wanted to go to heaven.

I would continue looking for advice and chose the wording carefully. I agree with PP ^^ who said don't mention her being sick. I hope you can find a way to talk with your LO without upsetting him. I can't imagine how hard it could be.

martinimomma · March 2014

Thanks for the support, ladies.

esd said:

You can give human ensure to dogs, just give the vanilla flavor. How long ago was her last check up? Things can come up quickly in dogs. A poor appetite can be a sign of pain so something as simple as adding pain meds or a doggy NSAID might really help (I'm a vet tech btw) The only pet death we've experienced yet was the death of a fish. DD was about 2 1/2. I explained to her that the fish died and went to live in heaven. We kept it very very simple. Honestly though, I think he'll probably be too young to understand. DD is almost 6 now and I still don't think she fully understands death. I would avoid saying the dog got sick and died because you don't want him to get scared when you or your DH gets sick.

Thanks for the ideas, esd. Her appetite has really been a decline over time (last few months). The resulting visible impact of the weight loss is more recent, since the New Year, really. When she started not being so excited about her kibble, we started mixing in small amounts of lean ground turkey or beef, which worked well for a while and that also lost its lustre. DH has tried mixing it up the last week or so - a little crumbled turkey bacon one night, a couple chopped chicken nuggest another night, a splash of chicken broth, etc. to see if we can get her to eat more. Some days it works and some it does not. Her teeth are in pretty good shape from what we know, they were last cleaned 2 years ago (and she had a hard time recovering from anesthesia so we did not do it again).

Her last vet visit was before the holidays; I think she is due again soon. We started her on a glucosamine and omega-3 supplement in addition to her daily vitamins on the vet's recommendation after that visit (and she still takes those as they must be tastier than her food, ha ha).

I may try the vanilla ensure. Couldn't hurt at this point.

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