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Don't want a shower - need advice on what to suggest instead.

*sparky**sparky* member
in Baby Showers

I have a strange famliy dynamic.  Mom and Dad were divorced long ago, Mom is not in the picture at all, and Dad is remarried.  I like Dad's new wife, but her family is a little strange and we are not that close.  I am expecting my 2nd baby and my dad really wants to throw me a shower.  I already told him no once and now I am 6 weeks from my EDD so I thought I was in the clear.  Then yesterday all of the sudden he says "I really want to throw you a shower.  Give me a Sunday in March that will work for you", as if this is no longer a request but something that is happening no matter what.  He wants the shower to be a family shower with his wife's family.

First of all, I don't want a shower.  We are capable of buying what we need and already have most of it (first child is 8 so some things did have to be replaced).  Second of all, I don't want a shower with his wife's family, and I don't want my dad planning a shower for me - he knows nothing about planning any sort of party to begin with, nevertheless a baby shower.  By the time he could pull something together I will likely be less than a month from delivering and my first kid was 3 weeks early so it just seems pretty late to be doing this now.

My dad is super sensitive, so I need to tread lightly with him to avoid hurting his feelings.  What can I suggest that is Dad-friendly in lieu of a shower?   In other words, a girls' day out or tea or whatever will not really work. If anyone thinks I really need to just suck it up and play along with this, let me know, but I don't think that is the case.  If I can't come up with any ideas, I am going to just have to tell him flat out "No" (which again, I have already done once), and that's not going to go over well either.

TIA!

 

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Re: Don't want a shower - need advice on what to suggest instead.

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    dufferoodufferoo member
    Just stand firm and say no! To me, suggesting an alternate party is like saying, "I hate your idea but I still want your investment," you know? If you feel like you have to give him an explanation because he's so sensitive, just make it about you, not him. For example: "Dad, that is sooo nice of you to offer, but you wouldn't believe how much I'm enjoying having a nice quiet pregnancy this time around! Trust me, it's a girl thing." How could he possibly argue that??
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    *sparky**sparky* member
    @jociejones - I get what you are saying about suggesting an alternate.  I did not think about it that way, but it makes sense.  I just know he is going to be all hurt about it as he obviously doesn't want to let it go.  But any alternate will likely involve a celebration with the wife's family, which I don't want anyway, so a simple "no thanks" is probably the best way to go anyway.

     

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    YTLCNURSEYTLCNURSE member
    What about when it warms up a little bit and LO is a month or so old having like a family bar-b-que similar to like a sip-n-see or meet the baby event? Men are notorious for grilling out when they have the opportunity to do so.
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    *sparky**sparky* member
    VioletteGrayskies said:

    I don't know if your Dad is handy, but is there something he could help you out with - like painting the nursery or reassembling the crib?  That's how my dad is going to help welcome the baby.  It's a nice way to include him without having any awkwardness.

    That is a good idea! We have a lot of stuff done already but I could ask him to help assemble some gear.

    I like the post-baby BBQ idea too.

    Thanks for the suggestions. I know he wants to do something as this is a big deal for him, and these are good alternatives.

     

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    kimberpookimberpoo member
    YTLCNURSE  about the bbq if he is doing it because he wants you to see his wife's family. maybe something like 3 months out so your little one is not too little at the time of the event?  If he just wants to be involved I agree with PP - have him help set something up / paint / install car seat / whatever.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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