Would you go?

purplestarz · February 2014

Looking for some advice here. I've been invited to a baby shower in a couple weeks and I'm not sure if I really want to go or not. Here's some background info.

The shower is for my husband's coworker's wife. I've literally met her twice. And I've maybe had 10 minutes of conversation with her tops. I'm worried if I show up so might not even remember who I am!

The shower is being thrown by two of DH's coworkers (female). I've met them on a few occasions, but wouldn't necessarily call them "friends" just because I've seen them so little. DH and I live pretty far away from most of his coworkers so we don't make it to social functions with all of them too often. I'm thinking this invite might be more of a pity invite if anything, or more like "we are just inviting all the female spouses" type of thing to be nice.

My incredibly shy/Un-diagnosed social anxiety brain is screaming RUN and trying to come up with any excuse.

But deep inside I know I probably should break out of my comfort zone, especially since I'll probably be the next one having a baby shower. But they don't know we are expecting yet.

Now that I've written this out, it seems obvious I should just suck it up. But what would you do?

brachysira · February 2014

Baby showers are usually low pressure b/c there are games and focus is on mom, so you don't have to figure out huge amounts of conversation. It seems like they are making an effort to include you and know you better, and unless you have tons of mom friends already, this is very cool and good. If you really think it is a pity invite and they'll find it awkward that you are there, then miss it. But my bet is that they don't all know each other that well and that you'll be a good addition. You can always say, "I hope you remember me. I'm Mark's wife. I'm so excited for you," and imply that you are into babies (you are now, right?) rather than you didn't have anything better to do.

bumpuser10199668 · February 2014

I'm with the other two

purplestarz · February 2014

Lmao, you guys are definitely reassuring my insecurities! Sigh, I think another big part of it is IF I have a shower, it would probably be thrown by these same people if I give them a chance. I don't have a ton of friends here (flash back to the making friends as adults thread). All my close friends are 6 hours away. Honestly I'd probably be fine without a shower but, you know, social norms and whatnot are a bitch.

Tussie Mussie · February 2014

I've been to two baby showers for DHs coworkers that I didn't know. The first one was a disaster. The person planning it didn't do well and me and DH happened to arrive early and helped set up so it wasn't a total mess by the time others arrived. The second I was mentally preparing our escape before we even went. We ended up having a great time and stayed for hours. In the end I was glad we went to both of them. Neither me or DH are super comfortable in social situations, but the event wasn't about us.

an02102 · February 2014

If they are going to be throwing you a shower in the future I would definitely suck it up and go to this one. It sounds like they are trying to include everyone and if you don't have a lot of friends in the area this will give you a good chance to meet some possible friends. Like a pp said it will be very low key and you can bond by playing the games and talking about baby stuff.

JSS1002 · February 2014

Whatever you're comfortable with - if you skip it, send a gift. I honestly think that the hostess probably won't be heartbroken since you barely know her!

kleigh926 · February 2014

Eh, I probably wouldn't go. I'm not a big fan of baby showers. I'm also kind of socially awkward, so I wouldn't be real great at striking up conversations with people I barely know. But that's just me personally, so I guess you have to decide whether or not it's worth it to you to go.

brachysira · February 2014

Just thinking of the horrible awkward social situations I've been in in an effort to make mom friends post LO#1...one on one lunches with women I have never met, playdates at people's homes I barely know. Walking up to random women at the library because I was supposed to meet some moms there for a playdate. A baby-shower looks really appealing from where I stand. If you live an hour away and you literally do not think they can be mom friends, then perhaps it is not worth it, but if you are like me, you'll really want friends with LOs when you're on M-leave or a SAHM.

JD83 · February 2014

If you really don't know anyone, including the mom-to-be, I wouldn't go. Especially if it's really far away. Definitely send a gift and wish her well, but don't feel bad about not wanting to be alone in a room full of women you don't know.

dezbear · February 2014

I'd go but that's just me. This might sound horrible but just think you could invite them to your shower... more help preparing for new baby. Plus you might have fun and make some friends.

Puppies+Rainbows+Unicorns · February 2014

I need more mom friends so I would force myself to go even though I would be nervous about not knowing a lot of people there.

kirstynikole · February 2014

Meh, I'd probably send a card & g/c with DH to work saying something like "Sorry I won't be able to attend but wishing you a happy pregnancy" or something to that extent.. then again, I'm usually a sucker for being nice.

Meganz927 · February 2014

I wouldn't want to go either. My DH's stepsister is having a baby shower in 3 weeks and I'm thinking of not going either, it's super far and DH and I have only known her for like 6 years but hardly have seen her only at big events like her wedding, my wedding, a vacay, we don't even see each other on major holidays. I wouldn't know anybody there either, but DH stepmom so I'm opting out too!

SLWoody · February 2014

I think I would go, especially if you think they may be throwing you a shower in the future. I am pretty shy and do get uncomfortable in situations where I don't know many people or know anyone very well, but am a sucker when people are being nice to me, and it sounds like that's what they are doing. Especially if your friends are all far away, maybe you could make some new ones in these ladies??

Soogerplum · February 2014

I'm going to say go for it! You can never have too many mom-friends! I myself have horrible social anxiety as well, but when I force myself to go to things like this, I'm almost always happy that I went.

jmolr · February 2014

I've missed a lot of showers because I don't know anyone there. I always send a gift but I'm too much of a misanthrope to start small talk with people I'll never see again.

chusum · February 2014

I'm not really a fan of showers. They are usually pretty uncomfortable especially if you don't know anyone. If you are hurting for local friends and you really want some then you should go because when else will you get an opportunity to talk to these people. Otherwise I'd pass.

kenshiela · February 2014

I'd go

ConversationFear · February 2014

i wouldn't go either. It sounds like maybe they were trying to be "inclusive" but I would look at it as stretching for gifts, honestly. I can't stand when people go to the outer limits of their social circle for baby and wedding showers (or even weddings for that matter).

Ceridwen21 · February 2014

I wouldn't go to the shower of someone I barely know, regardless of any additional circumstances. Sounds gift grabby to invite everyone you know with a vagina.

Flowerchica · February 2014

Life is too short to be hanging out with people you dont want to

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I wouldn't go either. Aside from the anxiety and possible uncomfortable feeling, you barely know this person and the shower is not close by.

msarver · February 2014

Make up a nice gift basket, send it to work with your husband to give to her husband, skip shower, enjoy the day without an uncomfortable social obligation

Jayhawkali · February 2014

I wouldn't but I would send a gift

shegoat07 · February 2014

Always be selective with your precious time and energy. Send a nice card or have your husband bring a gift to work.

purplestarz · March 2014

Just wanted to let you ladies know the shower was today and I sucked it up and went. Not to say there weren't awkward moments (oh, there were plenty), I'm glad I went. Thanks for all of your advice

mdw9798 · March 2014

Yeah, I wouldn't go either.

ashaw512 · March 2014

I wouldn't go. I think its more of an invite to invite all spouses wives. Like you said if its gonna make u feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't go.

mrssitkowski2015 · March 2014

I wouldn't go if I were you, especially since it's far away and you're going to be uncomfortable! Just send her a card in the mail and wish her the best of luck and apologize for not being able to make it! Sign it from you and your husband so there is less confusion if you think she won't remember you.

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