Having a sudden, I want another baby moment.

changingnames · March 2014

But dh is afraid that by the time we have all our ducks in a Row he will be too old to have another kiddo. I would guess that a year from now we will have a strong idea of whether we can afford a third child in our household (dh just started a new career with great promise but we need to see to believe) so at that point we could get pregnant and by the time we had the baby we could afford a bigger home etc to accommodate the baby. but that means we will be 37 and 43 (him). Dh thinks he will be too old for another one and that by the time the kid is in high school he won't be able to throw the ball around with him/her. We have two boys aged 5 and almost 3 right now. I always said I either wanted a boy and then a girl or I wanted to have two boys and then a girl (I think I always wished I had older brothers). And now we have our two beautiful boys and part of me wants to see if we would have a girl (I would be completely ok with a third boy- to me that would be a sign that I am a boy mom and that I will be happiest with all boys). So what do you think, will I be kicking myself having another baby at ages 38 and 44 by the time the bundle arrives? That's a lot of years of college to pay for and parenting to do and I am by nature a lazy person, lol. But seriously I want to be pregnant, I want to breastfeed, I even want to give birth again a nd I just want another kid in our family. Besides who am I going to leave all my jewelry to? Ugh I feel too young for time to be running out but it is (btw my doctor said he thinks. I will be totally fine to get pregnant and have a baby for several years to come).

myatala · March 2014

40something isn't "old" to be a dad for the 3rd time imo. Then again, my husband was 51 when our son was born so I have a different perspective on "old" than others may. There's a lot else to consider, though, and only you and your family can decide what makes the most sense for you.

Jags8 · March 2014

I personally wouldn't want to be having a baby after 40, so I can understand where your husband is coming from. But people do it all the time now.

I'm not really sure what to tell you, since this is a personal decision, other than wait to see if your finances will improve, and that your H will need to be on board.

You can give your jewelry to your future daughters-in-law, or wait to see if they have girls and give it to your granddaughters.

kcisthebombdotcom · March 2014

It sounds like you want another baby because you're longing to relive those experiences again and you want the possibility of a daughter. I think this happens a lot as children get older and you miss those ages. I personally wouldn't in your shoes but it's your decision to make. I agree with the pp that you can pass down jewelry to a granddaughter/daughter in law--that's just a crazy reason for ttc.

orangecrush32 · March 2014

Personally I wouldn't want to have a baby in my forties for the same reasons as your husband. You definitely need to have DH on board for baby #3 and maybe be absolutely sure you want a third baby since you'll have some time to consider before TTC.

SmileyJay · March 2014

Well, for us personally we want to be young parents and DH's imaginary cut off is 35. He is 26 now and would like to have 2 or 3 by 35. I think it's sort of silly and I don't factor age much into our family planning. Most of DH's reasoning is revolving around our retirement planning and overall vision for our family long term. Everyone has their own arbitrary ideas about age and a lot of it is socially fabricated. Your husband's image of a 60 year old not being able to throw a baseball is probably based on his own parents or grandparents... I have known plenty of little league coaches in their 60s, so this one specific "throwing a ball" scenario seems odd to me. My grandfather played with me all the time in the yard and he was in his late 60s/70s.

The biggest issue most have is longevity and it's hard to talk about it. You aren't promised a certain amount of time on earth, so none of us know how long we will be here for our loved ones. I have heard the argument that older parents tend to live longer because they stay active longer. I don't really have an opinion, but this does make sense. My dad had me at 33 and died suddenly at 55. I have a great grandma to live to 97 and was able to be at my wedding. So you just never know.

If your heart calls you towards trying for a 3rd when you are ready financially and you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary, then I say don't worry about your age. I think this goes for everyone at any age though.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

This is obvioulsy a very personal decision. I think if your H thinks 43/44 is too old to be a new dad, then it is (for him).

I don't think it's a great idea to just try for the sake of having a baby girl, because you obvioulsy only have a 50/50 shot at that.

Anecdote time- my youngest sibling was born when my dad was 46-- but my dad was always "young" for his age. As far as I know, there are no complaints or worries about him being "too old". A 50 YO today is MUCH different from a 50 YO from our parents generation--so that is something to take into consideration IMO.

GL.

changingnames · March 2014

Thanks for your input. As I said- I would be perfectly fine with having a third boy- 100%. Not sure why it came off as this being a bid for a girl- I was teasing about the jewelry. Of course there is a part of me that where's what it would be like to have a girl. I come from a family of three girls, only girls on my mom's sode of the family etc so it was a shock at first to have two boys but at this point I'm not sure I would know what to do with a girl (obv I would figure it out). Anyhow there we three siblings in my family so for me maybe I see that as the number- it isn't about just wanting a baby- as I said I want another member of our family.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

changingnames said:

Thanks for your input. As I said- I would be perfectly fine with having a third boy- 100%. Not sure why it came off as this being a bid for a girl- I was teasing about the jewelry. Of course there is a part of me that where's what it would be like to have a girl. I come from a family of three girls, only girls on my mom's sode of the family etc so it was a shock at first to have two boys but at this point I'm not sure I would know what to do with a girl (obv I would figure it out). Anyhow there we three siblings in my family so for me maybe I see that as the number- it isn't about just wanting a baby- as I said I want another member of our family.

You said girl a lot in your response-- I think that's why it came off (and still comes off) as you wanting a girl.

That being said-- there's nothing wrong with wanting a girl-- but it's not a good enough reason to have another baby, since it's not a guarantee. That's all.

And, I knew you were joking about the jewelry thing.

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