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To stay at home?

contourhandscontourhands member
in Babies on the Brain
My dh and I are planning for a second soon.... I'm considering becoming a stay at home mom for a few years ....we would definitely have little extra money but could swing it- I am more sad about the idea of giving up my job but do not like the idea of putting a new born in daycare- what did you guys do for 2? My dh has been in school for our sit but he is eager to start career and wants me to be home- this has been a hard decision for me.... I really want a 2nd but have to be honest- being 35 already I have thought maybe I should be 1 and done- I should also mention my dh is not wanting a nanny... He dislikes idea of stranger in house w kids- I am respecting his feelings on this even tho I smile open to nannies- any sharing would be great :)
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Re: To stay at home?

  • SpartanChick88SpartanChick88 member
    I've been lucky in that I can do both - I work at a gym child care so I am able to keep DD with me and work at the same time.  She gets lots of socialization (as do I) and I'm confident in the people I leave her with when I work out.  The money isn't great but it's something and I get a free membership.  Maybe it is something you can look into if it's something that would interest you as an option.



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  • Mysterious_wifeMysterious_wife member
    What the hell is wrong with people dictating what their spouse can and cannot do? It should be a joint choice.
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  • LimaDLimaD member
    Mysterious_wife said:
    What the hell is wrong with people dictating what their spouse can and cannot do? It should be a joint choice.
    I agree.
    But it does sound like she is the one making the decision. She keeps referring to a tough decision on her part, so it sounds like he "wants" her to stay home, but isn't saying she "has" to. Is that correct OP?
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  • terraignotaterraignota member
    In an ideal world, once we have children I'll be able to work part time or PRN at the hospital, maybe just working one day a week. That way we would only need child care one day a week and if it ended up as a weekend day my husband will be available since he works a M-F job. I'll still have a chance to get out and work but provide most of my children's care myself. If you have the opportunity to get a job with that type of flexibility and still be profitable to your family it sounds like it could be good for you too. Hope y'all figure out something you are both happy with soon! --- please excuse the ipad formatting, it sucks
     
     
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  • aggiebugaggiebug member
    It can be a very difficult choice to make. For many families having a stay at home parent is more cost effective with 2 kids.

    Being a SAHM is not easy and their are pros and cons for both you and the kids. Is your job something you could come back to after a few years? Or is it going to be difficult jumping back in?
    Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
    Fred Rogers
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  • mylittlesunshinemylittlesunshine member
    I worked FT until my second was 9 months. It was an adjustment, but overall both DH and I are happy.

    Does your DH work now? You mention he is in school and is about to start a career. Is this a career he already has nailed down (or will have nailed down) by the time (if) you have #2 and is he sure it is enough to support the family? My DH went to law school and before he graduated we both thought how he would be making all this money. Truth is once he got out there, good paying attorney jobs were hard to come by and he was making hardly anything. Just something to consider.

    What are you doing now for childcare currently? I hate that people view daycare/nannies as "strangers". When I worked, we sent our girls to an in home daycare (when they were 6 weeks old) and the lady there became like family. My girls adored her and we felt very comfortable with leaving them in her care. If you do your research, there are excellent providers who will do a great job.

    Lastly, you have to do what makes you happy too. If you love your career, then stay. This is a decision where both you and DH need to be on the same page.

    Sorry for the novel :P
    "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
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    Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
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  • foreverapartofmeforeverapartofme member
    Sounds like you and DH need to sit down and discuss your point of view.  I am expecting #2 in the summer. I will have a newborn and a 2.5 year old.  In the fall, I plan on returning to work three full days a week opposed to my current 5 days a week.  I love being a mother but also love my career and want to keep my foot in the door.  My DD will go to a play group two days a week and the other will get some quality time with her grandmother.
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  • sschwegesschwege member
    I've been a SAHM since my first was born.  The main reason is that it's always something I've wanted to do, I'm really glad we are able to make it work financially.  Before I left work, I was a Catholic School teacher, so two in daycare would have certainly been more than I was making.  
    What I've been doing since DD was 4 months old is to watch another LO in our home.  I make about 50% of what I would have been making outside of the home (have to work all year though), it works out great for us.  It definitely isn't a way to replace an income, but affords us the nice extras, occasional vacation, ballet class for DD, house cleaner every other week, etc. 
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  • contourhandscontourhands member
    I just want to thank you guys for good advice- it is very helpful-it's a lot to to think about but I'm glad to hear about dif points of views- thanks again!
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  • contourhandscontourhands member
    Mysterious_wife said:
    What the hell is wrong with people dictating what their spouse can and cannot do? It should be a joint choice.
    How did you come to the conclusion that my husband Is "dictating" our choices? Are men allowed to have opinions or does that make them "dictators" ?
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