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February 2014 Moms
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PPD is officially kicking my butt...

MormonMrs1218MormonMrs1218 member
in February 2014 Moms
Yesterday, it literally felt as though the walls were closing in on me. I managed to very calmly hand DD to DH, get dressed, kiss them both goodbye, and walk out.

As I was driving, I realized I had nowhere to go, and I had just left my husband and three-week-old baby that I had prayed and hoped for through years of infertility.

I ended up at the library two towns over that had NOTHING on PPD. Feeling like a sad freak, I drove home and cooked dinner for the family. I so wanted to drink some of the wine I was cooking with, but LDS, so can't, plus cooking wine=yuck for drinking anyway.

I feel awful, but this is unlike any depression I've ever had, and that's saying something. I've started counseling again, but there are days when I just feel like the scum of the earth. When will I start feeling normal? I look at my beautiful girl, and all I want to do is apologize to her for being stuck with me for a mother.
"If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness." --Gordon B. Hinckley
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Re: PPD is officially kicking my butt...

  • magentawarpedmagentawarped member
    Unfortunately, no one can tell you when you'll feel better, but going to counseling is a good start. Just know that you will have good and bad days, and having a bad day doesn't make you a bad mom. You have a lot of support here, and hopefully at home as well. Don't be afraid to ask for help or some time off. It gets better hon...I promise. ::hugs::
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  • RondackHikerRondackHiker member
    Has your doctor said anything about meds?


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  • emar129emar129 member
    You're not a bad mother at all! PPD can happen to anyone. You recognized that you need help and that is a huge, huge step right there. Look into counseling or talk to your doctor. You can do this :)
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  • WinnieellaWinnieella member
    I would say talk yo your doctor. Talking to mine has helped my PPD. I have another appintment coming up, and I may bring up meds to help me. You are not a bad mom, so please don't think that. 
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  • ziggy903ziggy903 member
    (((hugs)))

    You're a great mom for realizing there is a problem and doing something about it. Please talk to your doctor- I know meds and support groups have helped me, I hope you can find something to help you too. <3


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  • VeronicaAnn143VeronicaAnn143 member
    (((Hugs))) to you. You're a great mom and your daughter is very lucky. Depression is a medical condition just like pregnancy. Would you feel bad needing a doctor to help deliver your baby? No? Then you shouldn't feel guilty having a doctor help you with PPD. Good luck mama!

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  • jpoindahousejpoindahouse member
    HUGS!!!! I agree with others. You are a great mom. I don't have PPD, but I have struggled with other mental health issues. You have to realize that this is a medical condition and that you should feel no shame getting the help that you need
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  • MormonMrs1218MormonMrs1218 member
    Trying to stay off meds bc I'm BF'ing, but despite my best efforts, my supply sucks. I want to give her breast milk as much as possible until 6 weeks, but as soon as we get there, I'll be talking to my doctor about something to help. I've been med free for 6 years, so it hurts a bit to have to go back on something, but better I take drugs than hurt myself.
    "If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness." --Gordon B. Hinckley
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  • cauliflowereyescauliflowereyes member
    I've got one of those personalities that's normally so goddamn chipper and optimistic that it can be flat out annoying, so you can imagine my dismay when a week after having my awesome little boy, the baby blues hit me like a dump truck.

    I'm not sure if what I experienced quite qualifies as PPD, but if it wasn't, it was damn near. Crying on and off all day, feeling like the shittiest mom ever for no solid reason, feeling positively lost and alone, after finally getting the beautiful baby that I'd prayed for for so long..

    PPs are right, depression is no joke, and this crap can affect ANYONE! I talked about it and got help. I'm feeling a fair bit better now but I may consider meds if it continues to threaten and linger. Ain't nobody got time for that. Sending you positive thoughts and good wishes for talking to your doc!!
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  • RainbowbabyblessingRainbowbabyblessing member
    Major hugs! I don't have any advice although I agree with PP that you should chat with your doctor. Sending T&Ps!
    Married July 2008
    IVF started Jan. 2013, 14 retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized
    BFP #1: 3/18/13 MMC at 5 weeks
    BFP #2: 6/10/13  Thank God for our precious daughter! She's more than I could have asked for!
     
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  • becausemombecausemom member
    Everything the pps said and ((((hugs))))
    We are here for you love. Lots of us struggle with anxiety and depression, so please know that you aren't alone. You are a good mom. Please don't think any differently.

    @Megash113 does the anxiety check in every Sunday. You should check that out too.

    ((((((More hugs))))))
    Please pm me if you ever need to talk.
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  • cksmith29cksmith29 member
    ((( lots of hugs ))). I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you get the help you need quickly.
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  • coffeyandyogapantscoffeyandyogapants member
    Im so so sorry you are dealing with this, I really feel for you. I hope that you are able to find some way to deal with this. Like others have said, your doc should be able to point you in the right direction of what will be best for you. Please talk with your dr sooner then later :) lots of support here if you need it
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