Late Term and Child Loss

PAL Check In

Welcome to PAL Checkin! This CheckIn is for everyone who is parenting after a loss. If you have an older child or a rainbow baby or both you are welcome to share here.

I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy!

Where are you in your PAL journey?

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

QOTW: Does your SO share/understand your PAL fears? What are some ways they help to support you when you're having a hard time?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

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Re: PAL Check In

  • Thanks so much for posting! :)


    Where are you in your PAL journey? Mia is 6 weeks old! Gah! Time's flying too quickly. We also just passed the 18-month mark since losing Devon. Wow.

    What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Getting past that milestone with Devon was harder than I thought it would be. It really hit me just how much time has passed in 18 months, just how much has changed. How in the world are we halfway to another year without my sweet boy? I've been thinking about him a lot lately.

    QOTW: Does your SO share/understand your PAL fears? What are some ways they help to support you when you're having a hard time? I think H does get it, especially my fears about something happening to our kids. He's been supportive in that he lets me talk, vent or cry to him whenever I need to. It's not as bad emotionally now that DD is here and doing well, but I still have my sketchy days [like that 18-month milestone].

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? This week has been rough since DD is going through her 6-week growth spurt, the 18-month milestone hit and DS wants his mama all the time. But DD is so precious...I am so incredibly happy and blessed to have our rainbow here. After losing Devon, I really try to savor all the moments I have with DD - because I didn't get them with him.
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  • Where are you in your PAL journey? Not a week into it yet. 

    What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? He looks so much like his sister. Its precious, but I also experience so much grief at the same time. I am sad that she isn't here for us to experience some of these things together. Had a meltdown the other night just thinking about their different births, and how we have had such different experiences coming home. Its quite the journey.  

    QOTW: Does your SO share/understand your PAL fears? What are some ways they help to support you when you're having a hard time? Oh yes. He lets me know how much he misses her too. I think it does help that our rainbow baby is a boy I think. 

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Little bit of everything. 
    Lilypie - (qptF)


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."


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  • I'm going to post here if that's ok... my situation is a little different because I had a loss then a rainbow and now another loss. I'll answer as best I can.

    Aubrey will be 8 months on Monday (whoa!). It's been two years and two months since we lost baby Gary at 31 weeks and five days since we lost baby Riley at 17 weeks.

    When we first brought Aubrey home I struggled with all of the happy moments that I was having with her that I missed with baby gary. It was hard for me to enjoy the special moments because I felt sad that I never had that chance with my son. I'm struggling now with this recent loss from many many angles. I feel guilty that I'm so sad and not the fun mommy that Aubrey is used to having. She knows something is wrong but doesn't know what. I feel guilty that I never felt very attached to this baby, that I never talked to it our read to it like I did with my other babies, that it was more fragile than my other babies and needed more and I (unknowingly) gave it less. Mostly I'm sad that this is it for us. We decided that emotionally we can't handle the stress of another pregnancy and that we're going to prevent future pregnancies. I'm sad that I'll never be pregnant again, never give birth, never have that moment of seeing your baby for the first time, never have all the newborn moments that I love so much. Our family doesn't feel complete and I'm not sure if that's because of the two babies that we lost or because we are supposed to have more children. Sorry this became a novel. I just have so much on my mind.

    Dh actually has more pal fears than I do. He's very overprotective andwe're working on that now. He's very supportive of me in every way. I'm very lucky that he understands my struggles.

    This week I'm focused mostly on grieving our most recent loss. We don't know the gender of this baby which is why we chose the name Riley. We have the tiny hand and footprints but it's hard for me to imagine my baby being so small. I have so much on my mind this week. I'm really overwhelmed and hope that I can pull things together enough for Aubrey. I still want to be a good mommy even though I'm hurting.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • @lrichmond86 - so many ((hugs)). You have been heavy on my heart this week and will continue to be.
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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