If you left a career to be a SAHM.....

SunAndRain · February 2014

To what extent did your level of job satisfaction (or dissatisfaction) play in to your decision to leave the workforce and put your career on hold (or leave it behind indefinitely)?

I am currently working full time and earn a high income. But my job is increasingly stressful and lately has been zapping me of all my energy that I have very little left for DD and nothing left for DH.

DH isn't supportive of me quitting my job outright primarily because it would be a significant loss to our household income, though we could live off his income. His other concern is that I'd be bored as a SAHM, but honestly I think I'd find enough to keep me busy.

I know some woman choose to SAH because their income doesn't offset childcare costs. I know others SAH because they feel that is their calling.

Right now I feel like SAH because my job sucks. But I don't fall in to either of the categories mentioned above.

I'd love to hear from SAHMs who left a solid career behind to SAH, and their reasons for doing so. Maybe something will resonate with me, maybe not...

EandIMommy86 · February 2014

I had a really good job that I enjoyed before I had children and got married. We relocated. We got married after the relocation and I got pregnant shortly after. Being able to stay at home and see every milestone my child hits, be able to take them to every doctor's appointment, playdates, etc. trumps any satisfying job I could ever have. They are only babies, toddlers and kids once. The last thing I wanted was both of us to work and have a baby sitter or nanny have to take them to their doc appointments, or have to put them in daycare where I cannot make sure they are being taken care of or being payed attention to.

Another thing that came into play was finances. We are able to be a one income household and still be just fine. If it got to the point to where it was not, I would go back to work to do what I needed to do for the family. If you are used to living a certain lifestyle, and you would lose that if you only had one income, you might want to think hard about the decision because it is a big one to make.

Arnegard · February 2014

I hate when people assume that because you are a SAHM you must not have had a career. I went to college and obtained a job. Due to what I majored in, it wasn't the highest paying on the spectrum, but I enjoyed it. I made the choice with DH to SAH due to our family situations. You need to talk to DH and look at your situation, not ours.

alli2672 · February 2014

I loved my job and left because I wanted to be a SAHM, felt that my children (especially my oldest) needed me home, my job didn't offer much in terms of flexibility, and my husband, while claiming to "be supportive" was not actually as supportive as I needed him to be in order to work full time.
Have you read "Opting Out?" I felt like a lot of it applied to me.

Mrs.Greg · February 2014

letranger said:
It was my job not the kid why I left.

Me too. I worked for 14 years, went back to work after both maternity leaves. Upon returning to work after my second leave, I was very unhappy. I stuck it out for 9 months to make sure leaving was the right decision for me. Ultimately, I quit without looking for other employment.

SunAndRain · February 2014

amy052006 said:

Arnegard said:

I hate when people assume that because you are a SAHM you must not have had a career. I went to college and obtained a job. Due to what I majored in, it wasn't the highest paying on the spectrum, but I enjoyed it. I made the choice with DH to SAH due to our family situations. You need to talk to DH and look at your situation, not ours.
I kind of agree. But i do think there is a difference between leaving a career and leaving a job, and think very different factors play into that decision. I think there is usually more of an emotional investment with a career. And I think the advice and experience coming from someone in the position is more applicable than someone who work a job for a paycheck.

Yeah, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to take away from Arnegard's comments. Clearly I was not making assumptions that all SAHM never had a career....that's why I posed the question to SAHMs who left a career. Clearly I AM looking at my family situation but wanted to gather insight from other moms. I'm just really confused by your comments which come off as defensive. Not sure what I said that would have caused that...

I agree a part time situation would be ideal. I might even be able to swing that at my employer. But we're about to go through headcount reduction so not only is now not the time to ask. I supposed all this could be out of my hands anyway.

If my job is terminated, then I'll really need to decide if I should look for another job, or focus on SAH.

I do believe quality of life is important but I also struggle with giving up a potentially lucrative career. And I appreciate the financial stability that comes with two incomes (even though we have savings to float us if needed). There is no right or wrong answer, even for MY family, I believe. Which is why this is so hard!

alli2672 · February 2014

Also, I don't know what you do for a living, but I would recommend keeping one toe in the water doing consulting work or very part time work if you can.
You never know what will happen. I don't think that completely opting out of your career forever is a great decision if you can avoid it.

blushingbride_08 · February 2014

I left a solid job but dead end job. The pay was good and and the health benefits were great. I had recently gotten my MBA and was in a dead in position. My manager didn't want to promote me but didn't want me to leave either although I had outgrew my position. I knew my job extremely well and had been there for 10 years. After maternity leave I returned to work for about 1 month. My workload grew even more than before. my manager said he couldnt wait to have me back. It was stressful. I worked long hours and barely saw my LO. I knew ths would be the case but reality really hit. I asked to work part time but my manager said I could not. I knew starting a new job with a newborn would be even more stressful so I ended up quitting. I couldn't justify staying in a dead end job just for a pay check meanwhile missing out on quality time with ds. I now do freelance work part time and it works for me and my family.

Lilly&Co · February 2014

I am going to become a SAHM once our 4th is born. I am not leaving because of the baby, I am leaving because I no longer enjoy the negative, political environment I endure. I might teach a class or two or advise some interns, to keep my foot in the pension program, but I am cutting back to bare minimum.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

I left a good paying career that I loved. Initially I transitioned to a part time job in my field but it got to a point that business demands required more hours to successfully do the job so I resigned. It wouldn't have been impossible to find another pt job in my field but I decided against it. Honestly it was 100% for family time and the ways it made my life easier--no one taking a sick day for sick kids, getting most the housework/all the errands done so weekends is fun family time, etc. I go through periods where I want to find something during the day but it's generally short lived. As of right now my master plan is to do grad school when the kids are middle school age and re-enter the workforce around high school age but obviously that's subject to change dependent on my feelings/circumstance.

Hollylb3 · February 2014

Not much. I like my job well enough, but I had always planned to SAH.

cmrand4 · February 2014

I left because we moved. But, it was a two-fold decision. I didn't find a new job because DH job is very demanding, not home M-F. I was trying to hold down 55 hrs a week at my job and take care of home and DS1. When we moved, DS2 came along. I was already feeling run into the ground and we knew that me continuing to work and "do it all" wasn't good for me or our family. Sometimes I miss my job but I know wholeheartedly I made the right decision. Life is a lot less stressful now.

mrsnorthernbell · February 2014

First I would have never left my career if dh wasn't 100% on board. I loved my job and had worked hard to be in my position. I went back after my first was born for 3 months but ultimately I knew that being home was the right decision for our family. I never planned on being a sahm but I love it. I'm the president at my moms group and we stay very active with playgroups and activities. It's all in what you make of it. Staying home is my job. I have a house cleaning, errands and child schedule that we work around. I make the schedule but we have structure.
Http://northernbellemama.blogspot.com

spring_time · February 2014

My job satisfaction did not play into my decision at all. I had wanted to be a SAHM, and was able to SAH for a year with DS. When I returned to work, I knew it would be only for a few years because we were saving for me to SAH longer. Once I was pregnant with DD, I knew it would be my last year.

I used to love my job. However, the last few years became difficult and stressful. It didn't play into my decision to SAH, but it certainly made it a whole lot easier to leave.

roxy_jj · February 2014

I really enjoyed my job and quitting was a tough decision. I think it would have been easier if I hated my job. There were several other factors that led to me leaving, none of them had anything to do with my job satisfaction.

If your DH isn't supportive of you being a SAHM, it is going to be rough. I can imagine that might create all sorts of issues.

raraavis28 · February 2014

I was a teacher before leaving to SAH, and I loved it, but I also always wanted to be able to SAH when my kids were little (and DH and I agreed to this goal before we got married), it wouldn't have made financial sense when factoring in childcare, and the particular assignment I had would have made it very difficult (read, practically impossible) to do the job w/ kids at home.

jf198400 · February 2014

I am a FT working mom in the same situation as you. But I have always dreamed of being a SAHM. I especially love the newborn/baby stage and really want to SAH when we eventually have baby #3. I have never really liked my job, even though I am in a good career, and am at my 3rd company since becoming a mom. I have always Had to work financially. We are finally at a point where we could live on DHs income. He is very hesitant for me to quit. He doesn't want to give up the money and doesn't understand why I can't just "suck it up" at least until we have another baby. I don't think I would mind being a WM so much if I had a career I loved, b/c honestly my kids are doing great at DC. Ideally I'd like to SAH while they are little and then start a new career doing something completely different. Anyways my plan is to hopefully get pregnant soon and convince DH to let me leave my job in Sept so I can have a year with my oldest before she starts kindergarten.
Good luck to you, I know it's a hard decision, especially when DH isn't supportive.

bhuffman · February 2014

I was a teacher. I never thought I'd teach for as long as I did because I had plans to go to law school. I held off quitting until we were financially secure, and then quit. I will attend law school in the fall because that's been the plan all along and my dream as far as careers go. I've enjoyed staying home, but I am more than ready to get back out there.

chardonnay24 · February 2014

I quit my job when I had my son largely because of dissatisfaction, even though I really had very little desire to be a SAHM. I found it really difficult to SAH and I missed working a lot. I was bored and resentful. However, I went back to work PT when he was 16 months and full time when he was 23 months, and while I still enjoy working, it wasn't the right decision for our family. My son has some SN and daycare was not able to handle his behavior. It was difficult to schedule appointments, therapy, and evaluations around my work schedule. It was difficult to have one person working full time with a 3 hour commute and one person working 70-90 hours a week. I quit for good a couple months after he turned 2. It is a lot easier to SAH (for me) knowing that I'm doing it for the good of my son and our family rather than just to escape a bad job situation. FWIW, I really enjoy staying home now. I felt really isolated and alone when kiddo was a newborn. We have found our groove now, have a solid group of friends and activities, and I make sure to carve out alone time and focus on my own interests and hobbies.

fancefpp · February 2014

I was/am a lawyer, but I hated the job I had before having DS1. When I started law school at 22, I had no idea I would want to be a SAHM. I wasn't even thinking about having children or even marriage at that point. I invested a lot of time and money in my career, but decided staying home was more important to me than a job that made me very unhappy.

I do some very part time legal work and I'm thinking about switching careers at some point. I have my foot in real estate too. It's all kind of up in the air at this point. Thankfully, I have a DH that is very supportive.

smerka · February 2014

I left a career but I was burnt out. I was in a field that wasn't very family friendly in that I could get stuck in the field working long hours, strange shifts, traveling, around hazardous chemicals, etc. DH is a teacher so his job could have worked out with kids, but he is always staying late after school to catch up with grading, etc. in the end it came down to the fact that we both hated daycare as kids and didn't want that for our kids. It turns out I would suck as a working mom, so me staying home has worked for our family.

notkateanymore · February 2014

I gave up my career {cook headed to culinary school} when I married my husband bc there was no way to be married to him and have kids and still work in the kind of restaurants I wanted to work in. I couldn't stay here in town, where he was a partner in a law firm, to go to culinary school either. I happened to get pregnant 2 months after we got married, so I went from SAHW to SAHM quickly.

caybeh · February 2014

I never really thought of my job as a career. It could have been a career if I wanted it to be. But I've always wanted to stay home with our kid(s). I really enjoyed what I did and miss my coworkers. DH and I always planned for me to stay home, so I was never very career focused. Sorry, can't help you much. GL in what you decide!

Linnea503 · February 2014

I left a good paying career to SAH. I went back when DS was about 14 weeks until he was 9 months. I was actually promoted to a Director role a few months before I ultimately decided to resign. I was definitely bringing in more than childcare so that was not at all a factor.

For me, I was just really, really sad being a working mom. It was hard to enjoy my job at all because I missed my son and really disliked having him in daycare. (He was actually in daycare for only a short time because DH took a long paternity leave to be with him and that's when DH found the new job that made it possible for me to stay home.) For us, it became apparent really quickly that we wanted DS with a parent as much as possible. I resented my job, but I think that really had more to do with how I was feeling about being away from DS.

I do take on 1-2 projects a year in my field to keep my resume and portfolio somewhat relevant. I'm very picky about what I take on--only very high quality projects that will look great if/when I decide to go back to work. I turn down any offers of consulting/writing that I can't do evenings and weekends. The extra money is nice, but I actually just do it as a safety net.

I will say I do not miss my job at all. I miss certain things about my prebaby life--more time for creative endeavors, going out at night, spending lots of time with friends--but I do not miss my job at all. My goal is to make those things I miss most a priority as much as I can as my boys get older. But I'll only go back to working a regular full time job if financially necessary.

laurakaz13 · February 2014

I absolutely LOVE my career. I'm so lucky and feel extremely fulfilled. I have great benefits and we will be able to retire really young. If this wasn't the case and I just had a "job", I would likely stay home and/or find something part-time. However, we could live off of DH's salary and not change our lifestyle and he would have to be 100% supportive of it as well.

NicoleWI · February 2014

I just left my job (2 weeks ago!) and you may have seen my many, many previous posts about this on WM! Anyway, I had been working FT doing major gifts fundraising for 11.5 years. It was a very nice career. Good pay, good benefits, lots of really nice people, connections to all the movers and shakers, fulfilling being involved with a successful and impactful community organization, etc. I had my ups and downs with it, though, and when my first DD was born I would have stayed home in a HEARTBEAT. It was really hard to go back after maternity leave. It was hard for me to go back after each baby, but I knew there were many good reasons to be working, too, and I came to appreciate the good side of having my own working-mom life. So, in case anything here helps, here is a list of the reasons why I left (in no order):

--DH owns a business and has long/irregular hours all year. Too much fell on me at home and I felt it was too much to be responsible for so much kid stuff plus be trying to arrange extra child care for anything personal I wanted to do, or for evening work events.

--More flexibility for family time with DH (can be available more when he is--see above).

--I had a very nice career as noted, but I was really ready for a change. I felt like I was not motivated anymore to do the things I should have been ready to do to move on/move up and really excel. I also had the kind of job in which I really should have been out at all sorts of evening events, and I just wasn't up for that, especially since DH couldn't cover at home most nights. I felt I could stay at work and sort-of "stagnate" in the name of security, but that sure wasn't exciting.

--Long/annoying commute

--I really wanted to try SAH in my life, and this is the time to do it. I won't have this chance again. If I don't like it, I can go back to work.

--My DD starts kindergarten next fall and I am really excited to have some time with her before she's in school full-time.

--Things keep getting crazier as the kids get older and I started to realize how much I would be missing/stressing about in terms of getting to activities, school events, doctor appointments, etc.

--I was not at all happy with the amount of time my kids would have to spend in child care if I were to continue to work. I just personally don't like the idea of before school and after school wraparound care, plus overly structured summers. I wanted the kids to have more freedom. I feel much better about DD going to kindergarten knowing that I can be there after school, and can be involved.

--We've had a nanny b/c that's the only way we could manage everything, but it wasn't always great. I am happy to not have to be dealing with finding/hiring/firing more people over the years.

--Everything was TOO crazy, stressful, messy, rushed all the time.

--I actually think I will have a better social life. I feel like we can get out more for social things (dates as well as girls' nights and parties with friends) b/c I won't feel like I don't want to leave the kids with a sitter AGAIN after they were with the nanny all week.

--I'm excited to have time to explore some new things and have time to do some things I hadn't for a long time. Even like going to the library; going to the pool in summer; going to the zoo. Maybe doing some more creative things again (I used to do artsy stuff but don't at all anymore).

If I could work part-time, closer to home, that would be great, but that wasn't a realistic option.

Good luck with your decision! It's only been 2 weeks, but so far I think I am going to be really happy with my choice to SAH for now.

alake · February 2014

I didn't stay at home until number three, and then we adopted two.
I loved my job. I traveled for work almost every week. This was before the kids went to school, so our Nanny would travel with us. I had to over see sporting event and try to find new talents and sign them to contracts. I was a sports agent.
When our surprise (I was told I couldn't have more kids) was found out, I decided I no longer wanted to be on the road. I wanted to be a full time mom.
This being said, I work at home. It is a few hours a day. I work for my DH (Which I was doing before) but I am home every night, making supper for the troops. I do book keeping and payroll for his company.

Cashew13 · March 2014

I'm in the process of leaving my career to pursue a business I've started out of my home. I'm an attorney and I can't stand paying daycare to raise my babies so I can pursue a job I despise. I absolutely love what I'm doing, and how I'm helping and empowering women, and when I can keep my babies home and continue to build my business, that's when I know I will have made the right decision.

nosoup4u · March 2014

I lasted four years as a SAHM before going back to work. It was great to be home w my kids when they were tiny, and for how it made BFing a ton easier, but I was bored by being home all day. I'm much happier (tho busy and frazzled) now that I'm working. PT would be ideal, tho.

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