Parenting Check-In

Jazibel · February 2014

Good Morning All!!

How are you and your LO(s) today? Any new accomplishments or challenges from the past week? What did you do this weekend? Please remind us of your LO(s) age.

QOTD: Share with us your parenting/baby related bloopers if you want ;-)

trisholio · February 2014

Just a little reminder-we are the foster parents of two adorable little girls. M, age 2 and K just turned 6 months old this weekend. They have been with us for just over two weeks now and we are kind of getting a hold of things and somewhat of a routine. Baby slept from 9pm to 5am this morning, which was awesome! But I am sure it was a total fluke! :-) M is becoming increasing more difficult at bedtime/naptime. We are not sure if this is due to her age or due to past abandonment and so therefore its hard to address. My wife does bedtime with her each night and lays with her for awhile, which seems to help. But during the day I have the baby and usually at least one other child and I can't always lay with her. She only cried for about 10 minutes today, but it is heart breaking.

QOTD: I have hit Baby K's head a few times on things, not hard and she never cried, but I felt horrible. Its only been a couple of weeks, so I am sure after awhile we will have more stories :-)

JGY · February 2014

Happy Monday!

Gabe is 11 months old today. I can't even stand it. I have to get invites out for his birthday party (just family and REALLY close friends that have been a big part of his life so far).

Sleeping seems to be falling into a new, and better pattern. Still not STTN, but waking once early on around 9:30 (bedtime is roughly 7:30) and then sleeping through until at least 4, up to nurse, and back down until 6. MUCH more doable than the 3-4 times a night wakings we had going on for a while. The only downside is that I can't sneak 2 beers in before bed, as he's up so quickly to nurse after going down. I guess I'll live.

This weekend was a total mess with the leaks we have in the house due to ice dams. I came home from swimming lessons, Gabe asleep in his carrier, dog whining in the crate, and basically tripped over the 5 ceiling tiles that had fallen down in the front hall from a new leak. Ugh. Balancing baby and dog is hard enough. Balancing baby, dog, and repair-people is nearly impossible.

Bloopers, hmmmm, well I can't even count how many times I have caught Gabe by an ankle as he's launched himself over the edge of something. First it was his pack n play changing table (multiple times), then the ottoman that we now use as a changing table. Just this weekend, it was the tub. Honestly, I'm glad that I have quick hands and good reactions, but one of these times I'm going to miss. I wonder if that will stop him? I'm doubting it.

2brides · February 2014

The kids are good. We were saying this weekend, how much we love 7y olds!

They are independent, insightful, funny, and still cuddly.

(that is when they aren't trying on their attitude for size!)

QOTD: I've had nearly 8y to goof up and I've done my share. I knocked heads into doorjams, grabbed arms and feet in an attempt to catch them (and sometimes missed), dropped a few 'S bombs' (and been called out!), hurt feelings (unintentionally), yelled (and regretted it), picked food up off the ground/dusted it off/fed it to them....you name it, I've done it. :P

ATXmommas · February 2014

I'm really too tired to update, but am gonna try because I need some support today.

I'm really tired b/c LO was up 4 times last night. One-two times is normal. I was only able to get 1-1.5 hours of sleep at a time. So, poor sleep combined with a scratchy throat and I'm hurting today.

Our transition to working/daycare is still a work in progress. I was really please with how much I pumped at work last week. I was pumping 7-7.5oz during two sessions over about 6 hours - won't do full days until next week.

I decided to buy the Hygeia pump, but was still using the hospital grade pump last week. I used the a Hygeia a couple times over the weekend and a couple times today. It is a ton better than the pump I received through insurance, but I'm getting about an ounce less per session than with the hospital grade. It's really not convenient to transport the hospital grade pump because it is bulky and heavy, but I'm concerned about pumping less.

One of the daycare teachers is kinda pressuring me to send more milk - even though I've told her that I'm sending everything I pump. She even made a comment about his small size. So, I was crying when I left the daycare this morning. The exhaustion certainly contributed to my sensitivity, but I'm also legitimately anxious again.

My LC and everything I've read online suggests 1oz per hour of separation, and I've been sending enough to meet that rule of thumb. When I put bottles on the fridge, I see 6-7oz bottles, which seems like a to to me, but also why the teacher thinks we need to give more? I don't know... I plan in contacting the LC again to troubleshoot and to weigh him to make sure he's still gaining weight at the same rate.

ETA: I thought I should add something positive. Enjoying his developing skills of batting at toys and grasping! And his facial expressions amuse me on a daily basis!

QOTW: my biggest parenting fail so far - After nursing LO at Whole Foods, I put him back into his car seat that attaches to his stroller and covered him with a blanket. When we get home, I realized I never strapped him in. I didn't notice when I out him in the car because he had a blanket on him. I was horrified. Funniest blooper - we typically bathe Ash in a bath with one or both of us. Last week all three of us were in the tub. I was telling Z how relieved I was that he didn't poop on the plane, and right on cue - he pooped in the water! We laughed do hard.

This picture is from yesterday. The temps were in the 80s. Ash's first day at the park! I love his expression in this pic!

Jazibel · February 2014

It's super late but I wanted to check in quickly before bed.

We've had a pretty good week, Kaden's eczema is back so he's itchy and more irritable and needy. I feel so bad for him, we're trying to monitor what he eats, and apply coconut oil and give him homeopathic's. There's not much we can do according to our pediatrician. I'm considering having him allergy tested and for right now we're avoiding nuts and eggs.

Other then that we had a great weekend. I took Kaden to the pool at our gym on Saturday and he had a blast. EV arrived later and we dropped Kaden off at playcare, worked out and met up afterward to share a smoothie. It was nice to grab 20 minutes of alone time "while out" together.

QOTD: Wow - we've had so many. :P When Kaden was 3-5 months or so he rolled off our bed onto the carpet (which was plush thank goodness). I freaked out but he was fine. More recently we were heading out to an activity in LA and all of a sudden Kaden was crawling into the front seat between EV and I. (Very proud of himself of course). I had forgotten to buckle him in. Everyday we have minor bloopers, today I gave him a small container of milk to drink w/o the lid. He ran to show his Aya (EV) and milk went flying everywhere. But that kind of thing happens so much it's worn down my Ooops reaction ;-) I guess it's telling that one of Kaden's favorite words is "Uhoh". I'm super tired so I'll save the "poop" bloopers for another time. LOL

Have a great night everyone!

2brides · February 2014

Oh...here was a good one...

We went to see a move (Mars needs Moms) when they were 4y?5y? Anyway, it was too scary for them at the time and they wanted to leave mid way through the movie. No problem. We were sitting on the top row (stadium seating) and it was dark and we needed to gather coats/trash/etc. I sent C down the stairs while I grabbed stuff. I got to the bottom and he wasn't there. I figured he was in the corridor beside the seats. Nope. Ok, maybe he walked into the hall? Nope. L and G walked out behind me and we started to freak. I ran into the lobby and into the mall while L ran into the bathrooms. We were panicked. He isn't a kid who generally walks away and he hates when he thinks you left him. L ran into the theater and there he was sitting in the front row next to some other family. LOL. He'd walked down the stairs and while I was gathering our stuff, stopped to watch the movie. It took us a LONG time to calm down after that.

JGY · February 2014

@atxmommas and @stringy813, I don't have any answers but was going to ask the same question; does the day care provider want more milk because Ash is unhappy/hungry? Or just because they think he should be eating more?

I'm no help because Gabe has been combo fed since just shy of 3 months. Though I didn't really recognize it, looking back it was totally obvious that Gabe needed more than I was giving him. He was constantly cranky and our nursing sessions were VERY long and invariably I ended up removing him from the breast because he had fallen asleep and I also needed a 5 minute break. I was always a little nervous to go anywhere, because I never knew when I was going to need to nurse him again (not that I had a problem nursing in public, but I didn't want to get stuck somewhere in a marathon nursing session). ATXMommas I know you've dealt with some of this, but it seems like Ash has stabilized now hasn't he? If you're comfortable with what he's eating and he doesn't seem unhappy, then I'd just encourage you to be confident that you know your child and maybe treat this like a learning opportunity for the day care provider?

As for the sleep stuff, well ... as I mentioned above Gabe seems to have finally settled into a more manageable pattern, except on the nights when he doesn't. How's that for progress? Last night we were up 4-5 times. I will say that it does get easier, you learn that you actually CAN function on very little sleep, and just when you're ready to give up something miraculous happens and you have a great night.

Stringy813 let me know what happens if you DO try the cold bottle trick. I'm curious. Everything for us is so clouded by the ear infection piece and that I really hesitate to do anything "Training" related. (And yes, even with the tubes, I can now see he is draining another active infection)

Oh and BTW, I have failed to buckle Gabe in more than once or twice. It's a sickening feeling when you get home and see that.

mwagner25 · February 2014

I am checking in a day late... But am hoping to get some advice from you all. We are having a sleep regression since I returned to work. Oliver is up every 1-2 hours all night long. We took him out of the swaddle 2 days ago since he isn't startling anymore and he is starting to suck his thumb/fingers so we thought access to his hands might help him fall back asleep. Here is our typical routine/night... Let me know if you have any thoughts/suggestions on what we should/could do differently.

Our typical bedtime routine is last nap of the day usually ends around 5 or 6 pm (during the day he takes about 5 naps lasting 45 minutes to an hour, he needs one after about an hour of playtime). When he wakes up from the last nap we change into PJs and play quietly. We do our best to hold off his final feed of the day (it's usually about 2-2.5 hours) when he demands his final feeding. We give him a bottle around 6:30-7, formula 4 oz (with rice protein recommended by our pediatrician), after the bottle he goes into his sleep sack, we read books if he is still awake then he nurses to sleep. We lay him in his crib asleep. An hour later he wakes up, fussing and last night started rolling onto his side, not crying, eyes not open. We go in an rock him, give him the pacifier, put him back in crib asleep. Often he wakes up when we set him down (doesn't open eyes) but starts fussing and rolling around, we will try and settle him in the bed with patting/shushing but normally we have to pick him up and rock him. After 2-3 tries he usually is calm and back asleep in his crib. This happens again at 9pm. At 10 he will actually cry (eyes closed) I nurse him back to sleep. After this feed he usually starts 2 hour stretches. At midnight he gets a diaper change (it is usually soaked) and we added this middle of the night change because he was wetting through clothes by the morning. After his diaper changed, he nurses, we rock, and it is back in the crib. He will wake at 2, crying and nurse again. I usually give up on the crib at this point bc he often stirs and fusses when I lay him in it and I get sick of multiple attempts to put him down. I put him in the RnP in our room so he is closer to me. He then wakes every hour from 4-7 and I usually nurse him every 2 hours at this point or just rock his RnP until he settles back down. At no point in the night, other than diaper change time, does he open his eyes. His nursing sessions are short (5-8 minutes on one side only), but he won't wake back up to eat more.

I said I would never do CIO and I still think he is too young to even consider this but I am getting desperate. I should also say that my wife is very against co-sleeping so this isn't an option. Please help, if you have any ideas or words of encouragement. I haven't had more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep since returning to work 2 weeks ago.

Jazibel · February 2014

@mwagner25 - I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this - I hope the sleep regression resolves itself and you get more sleep soon. It sounds like you're doing everything right :-) I can add a couple of suggestions and ideas with the disclaimer that I'm not entirely sure they are age appropriate (if we applied them at 3 months, or 5 or 10...)

At some point we began to feed Kaden heavily in the evening and spent a lot of the time before bed 1 - 3 hours feeding him so that he would be very very full when he went to sleep.

I also found that I had to allow him to wake up a little after last nap before "settling down" into the night routine again. His last nap also ended around 4 - 5pm and we would play music, have him join us at the dinner table, go for a walk, etc. Then begin the marathon nursing sessions before and after bath. Once the nursing started it would be quiet time: lower lights, relaxing music, etc.

I also found a warmer extended bath session would relax Kaden a lot.

Now for the part we always found challenging. I think we didn't start working on "sleep training" until about 5 months when he moved from the co-sleeper in our room to his nursery across the hall.

We weren't swaddling either at that time, but I found having him in a sleep sack to be helpful.

We also had a white noise maker and at times I played relaxing music on my phone.

With the sleep training our objective was to teach Kaden to fall asleep awake. First at night and then during daytime naps. I had always nursed him down and put him in the co-sleeper/crib when he was asleep. The only exception was the swing and which of course rocked him to sleep.

This was extremely challenging but eventually after what seemed like forever it paid off. He still woke at night to nurse but only 1-3 times rather than every hour/two.

I would nurse him and then wake him gently if he dozed. As soon as he started dozing on the breast I would put him down awake in the crib, and then rub his back, sing, and stay close in the room until he drifted to sleep w/o me holding him. The first few nights it took 30 minutes and grew increasingly shorter (during most wakings). The hardest part for me was at 2am when I was so exhausted I just wanted to nurse him to sleep instead of helping him to sleep on his own. There were a few times when he would fuss: cry, complain at us once we left the room. We don't practice CIO. But we would let him have a few minutes to try and work it out himself, before going back in. This was super challenging for me because as soon as I heard so much as peep I ached to soothe him. EV was steadfast though. Some books/advice said to not nurse/feed during every waking and to just try to comfort back to sleep by rubbing the back, singing, etc. Because I was never 100% certain on whether or not he was hungry I did offer him an opportunity to nurse, but if he wasn't hungrily eating I would put him back down and start our soothing routine.

This method worked for us in the end - imperfectly but it worked. As of 12 months he's a great sleeper. Between 9-12 months he woke about 1-3 times a night (usually 2 just to nurse). We struggled on and off between 5-9 months because he just loved eating. He's a big kid :-)

Jazibel · February 2014

While I'm bumping ;-)

ATXmommas · February 2014

Thank you for the feedback @stringy813 & @JGY. I was prepared (sorta) that the day care provider (DCP) might be clueless since I've ready many anecdotal experiences from other parents who have had trouble with the DCP wanting to overfeed their baby. But, it is still surprising and frustrating.

Prior to day care, Ash seemed completely content with the milk he received just by nursing (and the occassional bottle every 2-3 days). The only time he really gets fussy is in the early evening, but seems completely content when/after he nurses. I have never given him a bottle containing more than 3.5oz, though I typically give him a 3oz bottle. He has always seemed content with that amount, which mimics the amount of milk he takes in during nursing according to the weighed feedings we have done (though I know weighed feedings are just a sample and not indicative of how much he takes in at each feeding; some could be more, some less). So, I don't have concerns that I'm not providing him enough. I'm afraid that if I give him formula, it will wreak havoc on my supply, which already seems to be "just enough." Given that he seems content, has plenty of wets/dirties, and is gaining weight at a consistent weight (about 5oz per week, which is the low end of normal, but still normal), that my supply is fine. Sure, it's definitely not the highest supply, but it's enough to meet my baby's needs.

As for why the DCP is telling me I need to send more - honestly, I think the main reason they think this is because they see other babies taking more (and, stringy, good point - I don' tknow if the bottles I'm seeing are formula or breast milk).

Today is only his 5th day in care. Yesterday, I nursed him when I dropped him off at around 8:10am. He took a 3oz bottle at 10:40am and another 3oz bottle around 1:30pm. THey didn't give him the "snack" bottle that contained 1oz. I picked him up at 2:30 and took him home. He slept for a while at home and ended up nursing around 4:30, I think. One day last week, they did tell me that he was acting like he wanted more. But, seriously, he was on Day 2, which is a HUGE change for this tiny baby who has only been in this world for a short 3 months. My initial thought is that we need to give him time to adjust to his new routine/surroundings before jumping to the assumption that he needs more to eat. I'm willing to make changes if I need to, but I would like for us to get into our routine before doing some irrevocable damage to my supply. JGY, I think you are right that this is my opportunity to have a learning moment with the DCP. I think Kellymom has some resources I can print out and take to DC if I need to.

I think what threw me over the edge yesterday was her comment about his size. I've spoken on here before that I've had to adjust my fantasy of a fat baby to the reality of my perfectly perfect and healthy small baby. This kiddo is so happy and is meeting/surpassing all his milestones. I'm perfectly happy with who this kid is and I know he's healthy, so I'm not concerned that he is smaller. But, I guess I'm sensitive to the fact that someone else would look at him and somehow try to convince me that I'm not feeding enough.

As far as sleep, Sunday night was an aberration. Last night he woke 2x, which is much more typical and completely doable. I feel much more rested today! I wish I had sleep advice to give to others who are struggling. @mwagner25 - my Sunday night sounds like what you are dealing with almost every night. I feel for you! I hope you find a good solution soon!

Thanks for listening to me and taking time to assuage some of my concerns! I really appreciate it!

Jazibel · February 2014

@Atxmommas I just wanted to chime in and give you credit for sticking to your beliefs, knowledge and intuition regarding your son. He looks adorable and healthy in the pictures you post and it surprises me that someone who is "trained" to work with children would make a comment.

I haven't used all-day daycare as of yet so I don't have any particular advice on that front. But I have provided childcare for infants and babies. The first few weeks of adjustment to a new routine are challenging for parents, babies (and sometimes even me). I agree that you shouldn't make any huge changes until Ash settles into his new surroundings. It's easy for DCP/Childcare providers to comfort feed infants (they're so happy when they eat). When I left Kaden with our babysitter (during my brief stint at work) there were a few times I'd come home to find most of the milk in my fridge gone - much to my dismay. I'd left 2 - 5oz bottles. At 7 months Kaden received approximately two 5oz bottles and some solid food during a day. (I'd nurse before and after work). We worked things out, but Kaden was happy to eat as much as was put in front of him, however I could only really keep up with what he "needed". On the other hand a little girl I watched who was Kaden's age ate 6.5-7oz at a time. Her mother pumped for her while at work. I only ever got that much on a rare, rare day. So Kaden ate about 5oz. They both ate the same amount of food (she may have eaten a little more). Kaden is in the 95th percentile height/weight but 5oz was plenty for him.

For the babies I watched I was also very careful to stick with our scheduled meal times and use other techniques for comforting, distracting and soothing. I'd say if Ash seems to need an extra comfort ounce or two for the first couple of weeks to sooth him down for a nap, etc. - okay. But based on your previous posts, and your LC, etc. I'd say you're doing everything right.

I hope that your DCP will be supportive from here on out.

ATXmommas · February 2014

@Jazibel & @jrtmom - thank you for the feedback and the support. Ash did fine again today with what I was able to send. I'm sure we'll have to make some adjustments along the way, but I feel empowered enough not to let the DCP booby trap my BF goals.

And, just wanted to state again how grateful I am for this community!

mwagner25 · February 2014

Thanks @jazibel, @jrtmom, and @stringy813 for the advice and encouragement. When you go 2 weeks without more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep you turn into a crazy person.

I talked with my pediatrician who recommended cutting our evening nap. So he was up for over three hours this evening for the first time in his life. He did well until bedtime then after his bottle he had a complete meltdown. Luckily it only lasted about 5 minutes but he was soooo tired and worked up that he wouldn't even nurse. He is sleeping like an angel right now. I hope that he stays asleep tonight.

Jazibel · February 2014

Good luck @mwagner25 - hope he sleeps for many hours in a row for you tonight.

ATXmommas · February 2014

GL @mwagner25 - hope y'all have a good night.

ATXmommas · February 2014

@winstan1 - thank you for your words. I so appreciate the support. And glad to see a pic of your cutie!

Jazibel · February 2014

@winstan1 - I have to totally agree with you. I had (have) a fat baby. And I maybe we have some crunchy, wooden toy, natural fiber tendencies ;-) But instead of "only" loving the chunkiness we worry about him being overweight and eating healthy, etc. EV and I both struggle with our weight (me especially since my first pregnancy but that's another thread, or two or three...) So I guess what I' trying to say is the "grass is always greener". Fact remains we all have some pretty adorable and amazing kids!! :-)

JGY · February 2014

I've wanted to chime in on this one for days (without a spare moment), but only to say that my vision of my baby was one of a long lean babe. No rolls or folds. And what I got? Finger dimples and rubber band wrists! And yes, we Mamas of the chunkier kiddos worry too. Are we feeding them too much? Are we setting them up for a life of battles with weight? Who knows? All I know is that I am damn certain that everyone on this board is doing their absolute BEST for their child. And I think we all deserve a break, especially from ourselves!!

Happy weekend everyone!

2brides · March 2014

As the parent of fraternal boys, one who had rolls for days and one who struggled to get past the 10th percentile for weight, part of it is who your child is. Both of my kids were fed the same thing (solely BM for the first 5m and then a BM/formula split (70/30) till 12m) and were fed pretty much on the same schedule, but their body types are just different. Even 7y later, there is about a 12lb difference between the two kids. We all get the kids we are meant to have and be the best parents we can!

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