Shy Toddler/Mommy's Boy/Getting called names at day care

Crystal318 · February 2014

My son is almost 3.5 years old. He is in daycare and has been since he as 1 year old. I just changed daycares back in December and I dont feel like he is making any friends at his new day care and it breaks my heart. He is a complete mommy's boy (which I love) but he is super shy and I just feel so bad for him. Someone called him a baby the other day at day care and today when I dropped him off he was crying bc he forgot one of his stuffed animals. Which is a "babyish" thing to do but he is still so young.. He brings his blanket and stuffed animal to day care with him everyday so he can sleep with it at nap time. When I drop him off he just goes directly to this one specfic chair and holds his blanket and stuffed animal and all the kids are playing and he is completely anti-social. The teachers say he is socializing during the day but I dont know if I beleive it. He is a super smart kid yet he tells me he doesnt know anyone's name in his class. I am so sad for him. I just worry about the fact that he is a mama's boy and he does have some "babyish" tendencies and I dont want him to get picked on.

Anyone else have any similar issues? Are your kids shy? What do you do? Is it too soon for me to worry? what is "normal" 3.5 year old behavior?

TIA!

citygirl22 · February 2014

I would recommend the following book from a solid behavioral standpoint (not an answer-type book but the behavioral info is very useful):

Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy (Louise Bates Ames)

Reading your post, I'm sure your little one naturally picks up on all of these statements and will internalize them. Saying he is mama's boy, babyish etc.. is probably not the most helpful if you want him to feel more secure in his world.

citygirl22 · February 2014

I also recommend Playful Parenting (Lawrence Cohen) for more solutions towards greater self-confidence.

Xath · February 2014

Was it an older kid who called him a baby? It probably wasn't meant as an insult. The other kids at my son's daycare call him Baby (His Name). He's younger than all of them. When he sees kids younger than himself he identifies them as baby. If the pictures in your siggy are recent, your LO has quite the baby-face. They're probably just identifying him the way they see him.

Zimger · February 2014

He may not be shy. He may be introverted. People who are introverted don't usually jump right into social situations. They ease into them. Here is a book about children who are introverted.

https://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Gifts-Introverted-Child/dp/0761135243

The boy that called him a baby may hear that kind of talk at home. FWIW I taught daycare for years and many three year olds still brought blankets and stuffies for nap time.

Crystal318 · February 2014

Thank you! Just to clear this up.....I (and no one else in the family) calls him a baby or babish or a mama's boy etc. He IS a mama's boy for sure but I would never "call" him that to his face. I actually tried to explain to him the reasons he is not a baby (no diapers, no bottles, no pacifiers, he can walk, talk, etc).

I do like the word "introverted" a lot better than "shy" so thank you for that. I will look into the books you guys suggested.

PS. my siggy pic is super old!! I dont come on here too much anymore. Just when I have some questions every once in a while However, my son is smaller for his age and there are other big kids in his class so I am sure that is an issue too.

Thank you all so much!

Crystal318 · February 2014

Testing my siggy pic!

ncbelle · February 2014

My son who is now 5 is very introverted (like his mama!) - I'm not "shy" (not that there's anything wrong with that either!) but I dislike social situations and don't dive in - so basically what you are describing your son doing. It's not necessarily a confidence issue to not want to socialize. If his teachers say that he is socializing and enjoying himself during day, I would guess that he's just introverted.

My son was exactly the same way at that age - well he didn't nap- ha! - but he definitely hung back from engaging with other kids. He actually preferred adults more (and still does to some extent). And he definitely hung back more at that age if I was around (vs. when I wasn't at a playdate with him for example). He rarely hangs back now although he's still not a "social" kid compared to many his age (totally opposite his little sister!).

Long story short - personalities come in all types. My only concern with what you said would be if the "baby" comment was bullying or just innocent "oh, he's the little kid" - I'd talk to the teachers about that to see. Aside from that, just validate who your kid is and how he chooses to interact (or not) with social situations.

Zimger · February 2014

Shy ≠ Introverted

TiffanyBerry · March 2014

Yeah. I hate the mislabeling as introverted as shy. No one *ever* says "oh, is your daughter introverted?" They always assume shy. She ain't shy. Shy is a long way from it. She's introverted. Like textbook. Leave her to be herself thank you very much.

(This *might* be a pet peeve of mine...)

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