Forced out of the closet

Sigh202 · February 2014

My hysteroscopy was scheduled for the 1 day DH cannot take off work so we asked my MIL to go with me since I won't be able to drive. I really hated to do it but we had no choice. Although I think my MIL figured out that we are having troubles, it was still embarrassing to admit our secret. I guess I'm glad that the secret is out but will also now feel more pressure every month. What makes it tougher is that MIL is very Catholic so she may also now be judging us morally. I can't wait to get this over with. Thanks just needed to get this out.

jencity9 · February 2014

How did she respond? Was she supportive?

RunCC37 · February 2014

(((((Hugs))))) I'm sorry you had to come out about your IF before you were ready... especially if you feel you may be judged morally. I hope she is understanding, helpful and judgement-free!!!

Sigh202 · February 2014

She sounded really aloof which really surprised me. I hope that it's because we caught her off guard and that she becomes more supportive.

marshaleigh · February 2014

I'm so sorry to hear that she wasn't that supportive. Hopefully you are right and she just needs some time to process. I certainly hope she doesn't play the immorality card on you!

Pintobean39 · February 2014

My MIL knows too, and in the beginning she didn't say much. We got drunk for NYE and had a long talk she told me she doesn't want to pry so she never says anything unless I bring it up and she is sooo confused about everything she doesn't even know what to say. Maybe you MIL is the same way, if she's anything like mine they don't know anything really about having a baby. You just have sex and get pregnant to them.

ronniesgirl1981 · February 2014

I hope her desire for a grandchild far outweighs any judgemental attitude about IF treatments! Good luck with your hysteroscopy.

ebwhit · February 2014

Hugs, my MIL was the same way when we first told her but the more I shared (unsolicited) the more she responded. I think it's a lot harder for older women to know what to say. So many of the options available to us weren't available to them. She eventually shared with me how she miscarried a twin with one of my BIL but she never told any of them because DH also has an identical twin and it was too weird for her. Hopefully with time she will thaw.

gsancho · February 2014

I'm sorry you had to come out before you were ready. My family isn't as strict in Catholicism, but a few friends are pretty hard core. They know of our troubles, but I just don't go into details about treatment - keep it light by mentioning the meds and monitoring appointments. It's technically not until you talk about IUI or IVF that most would have a problem. And if they do, too bad!

Kam10 · February 2014

I'm so sorry you had to come out about IF before you were ready. Hopefully as soon as she has some time to process everything she will truly be supportive and helpful to both you and DH. ((HUGS))

Love4Science · February 2014

Sigh202 said:

She sounded really aloof which really surprised me. I hope that it's because we caught her off guard and that she becomes more supportive.

I'm hoping that it's just because you surprised her. I don't know your age or how long you've been married, but maybe she didn't think you were trying yet? Besides, no mom wants to think about their little boy doing the naughty.

My MIL is also SUPER Catholic. Not Virgin-Mary-Bathtub but won't ever go out of town for Christmas or Easter because she wants to go to mass at her own Cathedral, super-judgmental of peoples' decisions to use birth control (she's absolutely convinced it leads to promiscuity), votes Republican solely because they oppose universal access to contraception and abortion Catholic. DH came out to her in November about our IF and *suprise!* she was totally understanding about it. I was a little shocked, but I guess she really wants another grandkid (BIL and his wife, both also perfect Catholics, have one).

chicory · February 2014

No words of wisdom, but I'm sorry you had to share this before you would have chosen, and hope as others have said that she wants a grandchild more than she wants to be judgy. Also that this opens doors for you both in your relationship with your MIL. @NariaDreaming i LOL'd about your description. When we drive parts of my state (WI) that are rural enough, we sometimes play a game counting lawn ornaments (deer, gazing balls, etc...with assigned point values.) Virgin Marys in bathtub shrines are worth MEGA points!!! :P

Sigh202 · February 2014

Thanks for all the support. We've been married 8 years so she has probably guessed. She called me today and was in a better mood. Tomorrow will be awkward but hopefully coming out of hiding will end up being a good thing.

Sigh202 · February 2014

So the day was awkward but ultimately I'm happy to have everything out. We even talked about the Catholic aspect and MIL immediately said she thought the church's stance is "ridiculous"

Forced out of the closet

Re: Forced out of the closet

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Forced out of the closet

Re: Forced out of the closet

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Choose Another Board

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!