Surprise pregnancies...what do you say to #1 question?

mavilabride · December 2008

This was not a planned pregnancy for us. We were in the middle of planning our wedding when I got pregnant.

For some reason, everyone feels that its very "appropriate" to ask me if this was planned. It is probably one of the most awkward questions evah.

What do you say if in my shoes? I've tried the "no" and left it at that but there are always follow-up questions. From women, its mostly to ask if my birth control pills failed. From men, "what are you going to do then?"

Indifferent

renebean319 · December 2008

i'd say mind your own business.

Temp159135562506975 · December 2008

i'd ask "were YOU planned?" I find when people ask inappropriate questions if you ask one back it usually shuts them up- though some people just don't get it.

MrsPreK · December 2008

renebean319:
i'd say mind your own business.

Ditto. Or a simple yes and walk away.

JamieNIan · December 2008

I tell people that my DS wasn't planned, but a very welcomed surprise.

mavilabride · December 2008

I've been trying to do the mind your own business response. But for some reason I'm such a coward when it comes to coworkers. I may just start using the 'yes' response and leave it at that.

margeincharge2 · December 2008

Goldie_Locks_5:
i'd ask "were YOU planned?" I find when people ask inappropriate questions if you ask one back it usually shuts them up- though some people just don't get it.

LOL. I love this response. I guess my answer would depend on who is asking. My brother asked if it was planned because he had no clue we were ttc. Even with him it was an awkward question and I simply said yes. It was something we wanted.

As for your situation, you can either lie and say yes. That should work. Or you can say, "well, we weren't necessarily trying but we knew it was a possibility." But you are certainly in your right to say myob.

As an aside, I know that I wasn't planned. And I don't have any issues with knowing that or telling other people. I was my parents' oops baby!

Kaar17 · December 2008

I always say, "Unexpected, but not unwelcome."

mavilabride · December 2008

margeincharge2:

As an aside, I know that I wasn't planned. And I don't have any issues with knowing that or telling other people. I was my parents' oops baby!

LOL FI says this is our 'experiment gone haywire' baby. Thanks for the ideas everyone.

kathleenso · December 2008

I am in the same situation as you! We got engaged last February and have been planning our wedding for the middle of April. Now, I will be 6 months pregnant at our wedding... pretty sure I won't be able to hide it from judgemental family members. Oh well.

I have been getting that quesiton a lot too. I am just honest! I say, "no, actually we were planning our WEDDING. But, we knew we wanted to have kids soon anyway and we are very happy about it." I think people get the hint that just because it wasn't planned doesn't mean that it isn't wanted/loved.

I guess maybe I am enabling all the nosy people...

diananer · December 2008

well im in the same boat.....i just tell the close friends and such no it wasnt planned but its a blessing,...and we are very excited....we were planning our wedding too,....

kathleenso · December 2008

so, are you keeping your wedding date the same? How far along will you be by then?

kristin329 · December 2008

Goldie_Lock_5 - your post cracked me up!!!

Ashley Pharez · December 2008

I'd tell them to OFF!

mavilabride · December 2008

kathleenso:
so, are you keeping your wedding date the same? How far along will you be by then?

"It's complicated" LOL

No we aren't keeping the same date. When planning the wedding we wanted something really small and intimate (15 ppl tops). Word got out to the families and everyone was pissed. So we said ok 30...ok 40...ok 60. By the end we were up to 120 guests, all funded by us because mom can't contribute (two kids in college) and his parents can't either (no extra money to throw towards a wedding). We were going to spend close to everything on the wedding. Getting pregnant saved us from that (a joke...sort of LOL). So now we are going back to our original 15 guests plan and we're looking into possibly February 2009. If we do it then, I won't be wearing a wedding dress.

Originally it would have been November 2009. In February I should be about 20 weeks.

MA&CB · December 2008

Ours was a surprise, but people really haven't asked - we've been married almost 3 years and people thought it was about time, so most people assume it's planned. I've told some people it was a surprise to us to but that we're very excited; nobody's pressed further.

HappyHeartUSA · December 2008

I would tell them to mind their own business--

Or, hey we were surprised-- it was earlier than we planned-- but we couldn't be happier - NOW mind your own business.

I have a friend who asked if our pregnancy was planned-- we are already married and told her this past spring we planned to start trying soon... ugh, yeah- it was planned. People are rude.

lvisser · December 2008

We say that "Yes, it was planned".

zoieglow · December 2008

I'd laugh and say 'did you really mean to ask that question?'. That points out how rude they're being but unless they are total nosey jerks, you most likely wouldn't have to answer.

BeccaBooK · December 2008

I would say,

"Yep, that's the whole reason we decided to get married, I don't even really like the guy"

::smile politely and walk off::

DarcyLongfellow · December 2008

The Miss Manners suggested response to rude questions like that is to turn it around on the asker. So, if someone asks you if it was planned, you smile politely and say, "Why do you ask?" That should alert the person to the fact that he/she is being rude. Also, it will force them to think about WHY they asked the question, and then they will realize it's none of their business. If they persist after that, then (they are incredibly rude), but then I'd probably spout off something sort of pious and obnoxious in response to that, like "aren't all babies part of God's plan?"

You could also just say yes and leave it at that.

Also, the above suggestions are more for rude co-workers, etc. If it's a close friend, they probably are genuinely interested in how you're reacting to the news if it was a surprise, so if it were me I'd tell close friends the truth. But that's your call.

jwpbride · December 2008

zoieglow:
I'd laugh and say 'did you really mean to ask that question?'. That points out how rude they're being but unless they are total nosey jerks, you most likely wouldn't have to answer.

I think this is perfect and hilarious!

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