DH jealous?! Anyone else experiance this?

Happypost · February 2014

The other day I was laying in bed feeling LO moving and kicking in my belly... But everytime my dh tries to feel, seems like LO stops. Dh started pouting and when I asked why, he said he was jealous of me bc I get to feel him growing and moving all the time and he feels left out... I was FLOORED! He never says things like that. I'm worried he's gonna be jealous of LO once he's born too. Any one else experiancing this? STMs anyone have issues with this after baby came? Thanks in advance.

bumpuser9353653 · February 2014

DH never said he was jealous, but I think he also assumed most of the early duties would fall on me (BFing and all). I think if they are allowed to be involved early on (i.e. - let them change diapers, let them try to calm the baby when she cries, let them learn to swaddle, etc.) that it helps them connect to the baby. Skin-to-skin between dad and baby is supposed to be really good too. DH didn't do much of this b/c he has a lot of chest hair that would make him all hot 'n sweaty.

And as far as staying connected to one-another goes, you just have to remember that yes, your relationship will change, but not necessarily in a bad way. There is a special bond between dad and baby that will make you fall in love with him all over again when you see the two connecting. Tell him he's an amazing dad. Tell him how lucky you are to have him. (I'm tearing up as I write this thinking of DH with DD1). it's truly a special thing. And don't forget to make a little time for eachother (even if all you have energy for is cuddling on the couch).

Every dad will react differently, but I think as long as he feels involved and is reminded how great he is doing and how much you love and appreciate him, everything will be just fine.

busterbeagle · February 2014

Yes, he's a little jealous that I get to experience pregnancy in a way he doesn't. But being actually jealous of the baby would be a little extreme/weird. Maybe a little resentful or sad about how much changes, but not jealous. Those worries are reserved for my 2 year old.

Happypost · February 2014

Thank you all for the support! It helps to know that this is something that has touched the lives if others. I guess I'm more shocked than anything that he expressed jealously at all. He's a very wonderful husband and I'm blessed to know that he wants to come to me with his concerns so we can talk through them.

andoll8 · February 2014

Bliz1712. I wish DH was MORE interested in feeling LO when s/he dances.

Honestly, I'm a little envious of your situation. It tells me that your DH is emotionally invested and committed to your LO.

This is a great problem to have!

Hugs to you and yours!

yvanehtnioj · February 2014

I have asked my husband if he feels left out because I get to feel the baby kick inside of me & stuff. He looked at me like, "Are you crazy?" He takes into account all aspects of the pregnancy, like when I'm struggling like a turtle on its back or choking on my own stomach acid in the middle of night, and has apparently decided he is not jealous.

I've also asked him if he's worried about what will happen when the baby comes and he just says he's kind of expecting that my attention will be on the baby for awhile.

I agree with the advice about getting him involved. I think it prevents the martyr complex & resentment that can build up when mom feels like she is doing all of the work, and it prevents dad from feeling left out & ignored, and baby gets to spend quality time with dad.

Maybe this sounds stupid but for the first years of my life my mom was a single mother. I went out of my way to avoid that path for myself, and I find myself thinking, Why would I have waited all this time to find a loving partner to parent with only to exclude them because I don't like how they do stuff?

busterbeagle · February 2014

jennish11 said:

Bliz1712 said:

My H is the opposite and actually doesn't like to feel the baby kick even if I ask him to. He claims it wierds him out, so I don't push it. I know there are a lot of men that probably feel the same way you do and once the baby is here they have change their tune.

I think the H in the above situation would be more worrisome then what OP mentions.

Not really sure what is "worrisome" about my DH....

I'm pretty sure she meant the PP whose DH doesn't want her to love the baby more than him. You're good.

RedInLove · February 2014

DH hasn't had the chance to feel LO move much, so one night when she was very active and he was not home, I took some video on my cell phone of my belly moving since LO was moving hard enough. He really liked seeing the video.

I think when it comes to sitting there with his hand on my belly, waiting for LO to move, he only wants to do that for a minute or so. My LO also seems to stop moving when he tries to feel, but she also doesn't always move enough in close timing for him to catch her in the act. So the video helped. It took me over an hour to get a couple good clips for him to watch, and even though it took just a minute for him to watch them, he watched it like 5 times.

We get to feel it whether we like it or not, and my DH gets that. I figure all these good parts of pregnancy make up for the fact that we have to do all the laboring and delivering, LOL!

FunSizeGrl · February 2014

DH gets to feel her move around a bunch as is so he isn't too jealous of feeling the movement. He has told me he's jealous I get to spend all day with her and that I'm already getting baby cuddles lol I can imagine I'd feel the same if roles were reversed.

Xath · February 2014

jennish11 said:

@Bliz1712 - no worries I was just confused.
I agree with you - I think if my DH said "I'm afraid you are going to love the baby more than me" I'd give him a serious side-eye and remind him he is 36..... not a 12 year old girl

My H and I used to call each other our "favorite" as in we were each other's favorite person. After DS1 was born, we agreed that we were now each other's second-favorite, since DS1 came first. Now we keep joking that we keep bumping ourselves further and further down the chain each time we have a kid.

lavendergiraffes · February 2014

Bliz1712 said:
My H is the opposite and actually doesn't like to feel the baby kick even if I ask him to. He claims it wierds him out, so I don't push it. I know there are a lot of men that probably feel the same way you do and once the baby is here they have change their tune.

I think the H in the above situation would be more worrisome then what OP mentions.

Mine is the same way!! I don't understand why. When we dtd he doesn't like me leaning over cause feeling my stomach on his weirds him out too . Haha. This is getting harder to do!

ThereBeDragons · February 2014

I guess I've never really thought of it as loving one more than the other. I don't think DH has either. It's a different love, but I don't think either of us is particularly worried about losing the love and affection we already have- there's room enough for all three of us. And that was an important note when we were deciding to TTC- because what we have together is awesome. But there's room for more awesome.

And DH has zero jealousy on the being pregnant part. I think he would openly admit that if our roles were reversed- we probably would have stopped trying years ago. Between the doctors visits, the medications to get/stay pregnant, and the months of bed rest... It's 100% worth the bad parts to get to the good parts for me. But DH wouldn't weight the issues the same (for one he's a lot more afraid of doctors and hospitals than I am- so what's easy for me to tolerate would be hell for him).

He did worry for a while that if we had to give up on kids- that I would love him less for not being able to give me children (severe male factor infertility). Which... yeah no. That lessened once I pointed out that I had just as many medical issues carrying our children to term and he didn't love me any less for it.

Mamazon2014 · February 2014

I actually initiated this talk with DH today. I asked if he was worried about our relationship suffering once the baby comes.

He explained it so sweetly! He said "the love we have is completely and uniquely different than the love we will have for our child. I fell in love with you, and our love created this amazing miracle growing inside you. By you loving our child, in essence, you are loving a part of me, and even if you ignore me for the next 18 years, I'll be content just to watch you be an awesome mom to our son."

Yeah, I cried. When he's not sabotaging/hijacking my Facebook page, he is kind of an awesome guy.

andoll8 · February 2014

Mamazon2014 said:

I actually initiated this talk with DH today. I asked if he was worried about our relationship suffering once the baby comes. He explained it so sweetly! He said "the love we have is completely and uniquely different than the love we will have for our child. I fell in love with you, and our love created this amazing miracle growing inside you. By you loving our child, in essence, you are loving a part of me, and even if you ignore me for the next 18 years, I'll be content just to watch you be an awesome mom to our son." Yeah, I cried. When he's not sabotaging/hijacking my Facebook page, he is kind of an awesome guy.

Mamazon2014 this made me tear up.

flutepharm87 · February 2014

DH is definitely jealous that I get to feel baby all the time, but I think he has a good perspective on it (ie that with the good comes the bad, like the throwing up, heartburn, tiredness, etc.). He was the same when I was pregnant with the twins as well. After they were born, everything was fine though. Maybe it was because there were enough babies for each of us to cuddle and bond with (plus I ended up FF because of supply issues, so he could help me with feedings). I think if you just make a conscious effort to include your DH now and when baby comes, everything will fall into place.

cnbean · March 2014

@katsmewsings: I think that it sounds like you have a great DH who is just nervous about all the big changes headed your way. I actually think that it takes a strong person to admit that they are afraid of how kids might change your relationship. I bet that once the baby is here he won't even think twice about it!

momthatlifts · March 2014

I asked my husband yesterday if he was jealous because of what I get to experience a dh e just said "no.. That would be weird" . That does not mean your husband being jealous is weird or anything that's just how my H feels. I'm glad he isn't because I would be scared that he would be jealous after she is born too.

MrsT2008 · March 2014

Honestly, I hope MH loves DD (and this baby) at least a little more than he loves me! Don't get me wrong, we still love each other a lot and watching him with DD is amazing. But With your kids, it's a true unconditional love and I guarantee you, there are conditions under which I could not love MH anymore.

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