IVF bad news

shella923 · February 2014

So DH's cousin just texted me that she found out her second round of IVF at 42 has failed. She's devastated, of course. After all she's been through, emotionally and physically. I don't even know what to say to her. I'm not sure if they are going to consider adoption but I hope so. They dropped about 45K altogether. UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I REALLY thought it would work this time. Effin sucks. Just had to vent.

maven212 · February 2014

That's really sad. I feel bad for your DH's cousin. She must be so heart broken.

I hope that when she recovers a bit that they consider adoption amongst their options as well. Not that this thought is solace at the moment, but there are kids out there who need parents and there are lots of avenues to help them.

persephonerose · February 2014

IVF is a difficult process. It takes so much out of you. I know for me during our IVF process I tend to withdraw. I go silent. I need time to think and restore myself. It is very easy to lose touch with friends and family. I don't think there is really much you can say, but I know it always helps me when I find random messages from my friends/family just reminding me that they are there if we need anything.

I hope everything works out for them.

shella923 · February 2014

There's nothing I can say except you had to give it your all . This does not mean you won't be a mother. Xo

That's what I wrote. Think it's ok ? I wanted to respond. I wrote so sorry before that and asked if she wanted to talk. One word answer: no. (Of course. )

jg1011 · February 2014

So sorry. That is terrible. Will say prayers for them.

Hummingbirdbaby3 · February 2014

Cannot even imagine. Poor things

billybumbler · February 2014

I think you handled it well, just give them space and let them know when they're ready to talk or just wanna hang out you'll be there.

Maebb · February 2014

I'm sorry. My SIL had a failed IUI and then 2 failed IVFs, and then they decided to adopt and adopted 3 siblings. I can't even imagine how hard that would be for his cousin. I sent a card and hugs and cooked them dinner, and I was there to listen when my SIL wanted to talk. Hugs to your DH's cousin.

shella923 · February 2014

Thanks ladies. And what really sucks to that that is $45,000 they could have put toward adopting, money for the baby etc.

kristin7701 · February 2014

How heartbreaking. I can't even imagine. The one thing I know from friends who have been through it is not to bring up adoption. They may decide on it at some point but may not be there yet.

shella923 · February 2014

Yeah too soon @kristin7701.

datagirl79 · February 2014

I've been there. Its a deep dark place. I agree that I often just wanted to be left alone, but it was nice to know that people were out there if I wanted to reach out.

If she's at the end of her treatments, then it does hurt that you're out a large sum of money. We put a lot of things in our life on hold to pay for treatments, but we knew going into it that it wasn't a definite, and we could lose it all. Most couples know this, and its one of the hardest infertility decisions to make. DH and XW actually chose to go the adoption route because of the unknown, and the risk of losing a lot of money.

I'm very sorry for her loss and I wish her all the best with adoption.

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