Does anyone else get annoyed by unannounced visitors after delivery?

cyclingchik · February 2014

I'm scheduled for a c-section on March 7th. Of course, having a scheduled delivery brings visitors that you may or may not have planned for in advance. I plan on keeping my room number confidential but sometimes that gets leaked out.

I get annoyed when random people drop in and want to hold your newborn or camp out too long. At times you want your privacy with your significant other, nursing, resting, making trips to the bathroom and so on. Not to mention, people that possibly introduce germs and colds, etc...

Am I being too hormonal? I would be interested to see how other moms handle this in a tactful way.

LaurenAsh23 · February 2014

I'm very anxious about this myself, but not going to worry about it...I'm just going to focus on me and baby. There's not a whole lot I can do to stop people from dropping in, but if they're uncomfortable seeing my boobs, show up at bad times...that's there problem. My thought is, no use worrying about something that may or may not be a problem,

VanessaBee · February 2014

My hospital has a front / security desk at the entrance to L&D. I can tell them no visitors, only the visitors on my list, or no restrictions on visitors. I'm going to start with no restrictions, but if it gets all crazy, I definitely reserve the right to change my mind on that!!! Might yours do something similar?

babylimas · February 2014

Having been in the hospital a while, I have dealt with this a lot. Plus I need to pump regularly and I never can bc someone is always dropping by. At my hospital they just have to walk up to the information desk and they are given our room number. It's tough, but I try to think that people are just trying to be kind. They think they are supporting me and keeping me company, so I try to appreciate it as such.

LaurenAsh23 · February 2014

Even if your hospital has a front desk, people can still walk right in...they're not going to police for you most likely, they have lots of different patients.

coreyeliz · February 2014

We're not giving out room info or anything to cut down on this. I only want scheduled visitors, and I'm making that clear beforehand.

clo1982 · February 2014

Most people called my parents or dh's to see how we were doing and I had them just tell any callers that I wasn't up for it. We ended up having 2, one of which was just a very odd old acquaintance who dh eventually asked to leave so I could feed dd and the other was a priest dh knew. Dh ran into him in the lobby and he was there to see someone else but ended up coming up to see us and bless dd...for like an hour!That one was super awkward cause he wouldn't leave and well, he was a priest so it wasn't like I could just say 'get out!' As far as friends I would just put it out there ahead of time that you will give a call when ready for visitors but you don't think you'll be up to them in the hospital.

jjt616 · February 2014

At my hospital people just sign in and are let back. I can also tell the nurses I want no visitors as they pretty much take care of that. My best advice would be to be upfront with people before hand. Just explain that you are undergoing major surgery and your family needs this time to heal and recover and bond. Tell them visiting at home will be a better time.

cyclingchik · February 2014

Thanks for the input ladies. I was afraid I was just being a b$&#@! I know people mean well but that time is very personal to me. It's a time were you and your partner bond with your baby and you recover. Trying to be polite and entertain visitors doesn't seem like a very big priority.

IdyllicPursuit · February 2014

Yeah that really pissed me off my first time. My second time I didn't tell a soul I was in labor until I was getting released. JUST in case someone got smart, I told the front desk I didn't want visitors. I just pushed a baby out of my vagina, sorry--I'm not here to keep you entertained!

teaforthree · February 2014

mndynitetragdy said:

Thankfully, our hospital has the unit locked, so to even get in, you have to be buzzed in. If we dont want visitors, we just tell the nurses and if somone comes up and says they are there to see us, the nurses will just send them away. But our parents will be told that we will call when we're ready for them to come up. If they dont listen, they will have a nice long wait in the waiting room

This exactly; you have to be buzzed in past a locked door at our hospital. I would be REALLY annoyed with people showing up unannounced, and wouldn't let them in. People are trying to be nice, I get it, but there is a time and place for that (like, with the new parents' permission). To me, it comes off as selfish of them.

farmrose · February 2014

Another option is to request to be unlisted as a patient. That way only people you've shared the info with well have your room number. If you are listed as a "no info" patient you don't skew up on the census at the registration desk so they can't accidentally give the info to anyone. I'm thinking about doing this just so we only get visitors when we are ready for them.

jennybean80 · February 2014

The only people I had show up texted me first and asked for a good time to visit, both while I was there on bedrest and after while the babies were in the NICU. I made it pretty clear ahead of time that just showing up was not okay!

Ceventa · February 2014

Our hospital made it clear right away that they do not restrict visitors. Basically if it's during visiting time, they are signed in and buzzed back. So we're just going to tell our parents when the time comes and make any announcements once we are home. Friends of ours when they had their two kids set "visiting hours" once they were home. If someone called and said they wanted to stop by to visit, they had to do it within a certain time during the day. If they just showed up, they were asked politely to leave. I thought it was an interesting way of having come kind of control over who stopped by.

TX08Aggie · February 2014

I think a lot of people feel exactly as you do - and others who haven't just gone through childbirth tend to forget their boundaries in the excitement of the new baby. Doesn't excuse their behavior, and they should think of the new baby with the new mother and try and respect you as a pair. Our hospital has a new program since last time - you can choose to not have any of your info released to anybody. If people call the hospital to check if you are there, they will not even tell them that. You have to be buzzed back to L&D. I remember last time, the nurses all told us to let them know who we wanted to stay out and they would keep them out for us. They are very supportive at the hospital of who you want to come back and see you - they understand you want your privacy and are there to help you maintain it! Don't feel bad about it, people can see the baby when you are feeling better and ready for it! As for unwanted visitors at home, I guess I'll just leave my gate locked and if they climb our fence, the dogs will let us know they are coming

twinlove314 · February 2014

This is something that i'm a bit worried about. I definitely want family to visit (my side of the family is all that will visit for now since dh's is scattered everywhere). DH's family has made plans for after the twins arrive. I'm afraid everyone is going to be so excited to about seeing twins, that friends we haven't kept in touch with will stop by the hospital just to see them

fish8412 · February 2014

You are not being hormonal at all and I feel like most people would agree with you. We are lucky that our hospital has strict security. People that we want to come visit-their names have to be written on a sheet of paper by me and my husband. Security checks ID's and they have to be buzzed in. All babies wear an ankle bracelet and if they leave L&D, an alarm will be set off.

Isn't it illegal to release patient info such as room number, etc? HIPPA? I am not very knowledgeable of this, so I could be way off.

Have you already told people the date of your scheduled c-section? I may be induced next Tuesday and my husband and I are not telling anyone. We are personal/private people and we don't want people constantly checking in on us leading up to the possible induction and after delivery.

Good luck and don't feel bad about telling people to go away!

KariB509 · February 2014

Not being hormonal. It's totally rude for people to just drop in, at the hospital or at your home.

novelblessings · February 2014

I think you are being reasonable. My hospital's units (both L&D and Mother/Baby) are locked and you have to check in with someone and tell them the name of the mother you are visiting, before they will open the door. But they won't give out room numbers.

I was told to just let the nurses know whether I want visitors or not, and that I can even give them names of people who are not allowed to visit. If someone comes they will tell them we aren't taking visitors at this time. They also place signs on the patients doors in the unit, which state whether visitors are welcome at that time or not.

ETA: We only plan to have immediate family come up after I am moved to Mother/Baby. If my mom decides she wants to "camp out" during my labor then I'll never have to know about it because she won't be allowed back anyways.

kimberpoo · February 2014

It's totally reasonable to not want visitors! That time right after LO arrives is a very special bonding time for you, DH, and LO, and once it's gone you can never get it back. Make it very clear now to everyone you will let them know when it's ok to visit and you are not having any visitors before then.

I've made it clear to my and DH's families that we are NOT having visitors until I'm showered, fed LO, and feel good. They know to wait for DH's call. We plan to put some brief updates on FB and maybe send texts to our MIL's so they know when I'm in labor and that LO arrived safely, but we will make it clear in those messages as well that visitors will be invited after I'm settled in and ready.

clo1982 · February 2014

I think another thing to keep in mind is that a lot of people (excluding immediate family) feel like they 'should' visit in the hospital. Dh's friends and some of mine were like that and they would go in to see any new baby in the group that was born. I was the first to say that we probably wouldn't want visitors but would let them know if we changed our mind. After that it was like a waterfall effect...all if the moms said they hated that they had so many visitors but felt bad turning people away and the guys all said it was so awkward because the new mom was obviously uncomfortable. So overall No one actually WANTED to go into the hospital...they just didn't want to be the bad friends who didn't show up! You may find that people are relieved to avoid those visits and it isn't the fight you think it could be!

akb1125 · February 2014

The thought of people just showing up to visit at the hospital gives me anxiety.

I'm having a scheduled c section on Friday and the only ppl that know are my immediate family. I've told them I'm okay with my mom and dad visiting later on that night (surgery scheduled for 3:30) but it might not be until 9. Ive told my brother and sister they have to wait until Saturday night to visit and if I'm ready to see them sooner, I'll let them know. I've also made it clear to my husband that his mom can't come visit until at least sat night as well.

I'm not trying to keep people from seeing the baby, I'm more worried about how I'll be feeling since I'll be having a c section.

Can you tell I'm on maternity leave and have nothing to do but get anxious and plan for all these possible scenarios to happen? Haha

fish8412 · February 2014

akb1125 I feel the same way as you! I am on bed rest right now and I keep thinking about possible scenarios with birth, visitors, etc. It is hard for my mind to relax.

mfarmer0811 · February 2014

I didn't read all the comments, but I also have this anxiety! I only want close family there after delivery,and that is after DH and I have had some time to bond with LO.

Maybe you could post something on FB, or send out a group text stating you will let everyone know that you and baby are ok, and that you will let them know when you are up for visitors. Maybe letting them know, in a nice way before delivery date of your wishes, it will cut down on the unexpected visitors.

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

With ds1 he was in the nicu and was very bad off so we had no visitors. Ds2 we were in and out so fast no one had time to visit! This time I can't think if anyone close enough to even visit. All of our family is up north and we are down south. I can't picture H's friends dropping by for a visit!

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