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Breastfeeding difficulties and bonding...

JJ1973JJ1973 member
in Breastfeeding
My LO (second child) is 6 weeks and we've been struggling with tongue tie and latch problems. I've pretty much been pumping full time while making repeated attempts to breastfeed. It has been discouraging to say the least, not to mention time consuming (takes more time away from him as well as my 3 year old). This came on the heels of a rather abrupt rush to c-section at 37 weeks (I was planning on a vaginal delivery) due to a dangerous complication with my pregnancy, and week long NICU stay. We feel so fortunate that we ended up with a great little guy who is safe and sound, but nothing has turned out like my first child and I knew that might be the case (everyone always reminds us that each child is different, right?). In any case, I've noticed that I am just not feeling as bonded with this little guy as I did with his older brother at this stage. I at least partially attribute this to the difficulties we've had with breastfeeding and the pure exhaustion I'm feeling over this crazy pumping/nursing routine. Can anyone relate to this and if so, and if you stuck with a similarly difficult routine, I guess I could use some words of reassurance that things get better. I had the tongue tie corrected twice now (second revision was yesterday) and the little guy gives it a good go and is transferring more, but it will take time (if at all). We have been working with a lactation consultant. LO also has reflux and is pretty fussy at times, which doesn't help all of this.
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Re: Breastfeeding difficulties and bonding...

  • InLovewSBInLovewSB member
    I am as much in favor of breastfeeding as the next person here. However... your post really saddens me. It sounds like you may benefit from taking a step back and evaluating what is happening in your home.

    Just reading your post, I can't help but feel that your relationship with your son would benefit from you not being so wrapped around breastfeeding and forcing it to work.  Your son can be healthy and thrive on formula. You can relax and enjoy bonding with him over every bottle you give. Think of how many children you know that have been formula fed and are happy and healthy. You gave breastfeeding a real go, I mean you worked really hard to force it to work. But it is SO very important for you and your son to feel bonded and connected and loved - if that's not happening, why force BFing any longer?  I know formula is looked down upon on this board and so the responses to your post will be skewed, but a happy, bonded momma and baby are extremely important.
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  • MyaflowersMyaflowers member
    I had a similar experience... emergency C-section at 36 weeks due to HELLP and a baby in the NICU for 4 days. Breastfeeding did not go well for us at first. Baby girl was already on the bottle from the NICU and I wasn't allowed to even attempt nursing until day 4. At that point, she would scream her head off and refuse to latch so I ended up pretty much exclusively pumping at first. I was exhausted, trying to recover from surgery and from being so sick, and trying to take care of a newborn. It was so overwhelming! I definitely didn't feel bonded with my baby at first. I actually sometimes wished I could let someone else take care of her. I ended up with PPD, so when I started on meds, I gradually started to feel a bit better. I definitely almost gave up on breastfeeding several times. LO started to latch better at about 1 month, and that is the only way I could stick with it. Pumping was exhausting and overwhelming and I hated it (still do!). Hopefully things will get easier for you, but if you aren't able to nurse (rather than pump), I agree that you should feel no guilt if you decide on formula. My LO had formula some in the beginning (low supply) and she is perfectly healthy. A happy mommy is so much more important than anything else when it comes to having a happy, healthy baby! Hang in there and don't feel guilty for not bonding with your baby immediately. It's hard when you have had complications and are trying to recover from major surgery! It will get better with time!
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  • JJ1973JJ1973 member
    Thanks. I'm not sure I like the word "force." More so, I've tried to address the obvious barriers (tongue tie) and I am told re-learning to use the "new" tongue can take time and practice, which is why we continue to supplement with expressed milk. I have a deadline in mind as it relates to making any firm decisions but wanted to give it a good go with the appropriate supports. My supply is decent and it would be nice for him to have breast milk if we can work it out. I think I am just adjusting to the fact that this is all very different than my first child and our bonding process will also be different.
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