Vent-All we do is Fight...

walkek85 · February 2014

Lately it seems all DH and I do is fight. He travels for work regularly and has been gone on business since Monday. Last night we got into a fight over the phone and a lot of his feelings came out about our relationship and this pregnancy. He feels like I have been mean to him the past few weeks, and that I am constantly on him. Of course he couldn’t give any examples, to which I replied that I can’t fix my behavior if I don’t know what I’m doing to upset him.

He also expressed how he feels about me sexually as far as elements of the pregnancy go (vaginal tearing/swelling, breastfeeding, etc.). By the end of that conversation I felt so crappy about all the changes my body has and will go through that I just couldn’t talk to him anymore. I get that he is struggling with the partner/wife vs. mother of child thing but he just kept putting his foot in his mouth over and over again.

I guess I just need somewhere to vent as I am feeling really down about these conversations. I also want to know if I am the only one or if you other ladies find that you and your DH/SO are at odds with each other. How are/did your DH/SO deal with the transition from wife to mother? I really hope it is just a phase he is struggling with vs. his attraction for me diminishing because I am now going to be a mother.

Thanks for letting me vent!

katykatykaty · February 2014

I'm sorry you're going through that, but honestly it sounds like he's really immature and needs to grow up. Hopefully he'll stop saying dumb things and will get a wake-up call once you have the baby.

ETA: I'm also sad that he's making you feel bad about the changes your body is going through and will go through. They're pretty amazing (except for the tearing part!).

nblondheim · February 2014

Fighting is never any fun! I am very sorry you are going through this!

Our twins have arrived and that has been challenging trying to balance everything out and the expectations we have on each other. But it is very important to remember to talk about everything....good, bad, or otherwise.

I hope things get better for you!

kelley72 · February 2014

Sorry you are going through that, I second op's opinion that your dh vented to you in an immature way- his feelings are valid but not helpful to you or your relationship. He needs to educate himself and find another avenue for his fears/issues relating to motherhood. Yes the madonna/whore complex is very common for men to sort through- just make sure he does!

Hopefully you two will are both calm now and will pull together during this last very emotional and difficult time.. it can be very challenging for us all

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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lnvane00 · February 2014

I just wanna say I'm sorry he is saying these things to you

That hurts to hear. Just know you are amazing because you are creating your child and he is being an ass and hopefully he will get a huge reality check and realize exactly what you are sacrifing with your body by growing HIS child!

walkek85 · February 2014

Thanks everyone for the reassuring words. He does have one of those "father" books but hasn't read it (he already isn't a big reader) but I think it might be a good idea for him to look into it. He also has friends that have children and have been through it, but as TallAsh said he is prob too proud to actually discuss his feelings with them.

He comes home tonight, so hopefully we can talk things through and I can better make him understand that his confusion about my body and sexuality is really hurting me. As you have all said, hopefully he has more respect for what my body has done after the birth process and he realizes that his fears were over-exaggerated.

DH is a good man and will be an amazing dad, he is just obviously struggling with his feelings right now and not expressing them in the best way.

Thanks for the support ladies!

myfriendscallmemeg · February 2014

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know I'm lucky to have the husband I do. Although I did have a mini worry session last week once I realized my H has already had sex with a post baby vagina and of course started worrying myself silly that my vagina might not heal up as nicely as hers did and blah blah blah. Do you know what helped me the most? Talking to him about it and what he thought. My fear: that he'll never want to have sex with me. His fear: that we'll never have time to have sex again.

craftiemommie · February 2014

Jt7dreamz said:
im so sorry for you. i am struggling more than my husband. i didnt want to feel my belly in the beginning and would be creeped out with him feeling it. thats def disipated on my end but took some getting used to. i hope he changes his tune. its insane that we're growing humans!!! humans!!!!!!

is there a 'becoming a dad' book? my husband and i laugh at my boobs but thats about it

my husband read "the expectant father" and other books. he blows me away with how much understanding he got for what I went through/am going through. He was always one step ahead of me with what the next month would bring and he seems very prepared for the changes after - but he is a little older and maybe a little wiser. He has been waiting to be a dad for a long time so he voluntarily started reading. You can ask your dh, but forcing him might backfire. OP, I hope taking one look at your baby will change everything!

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