Would this piss you off?

proudworkingmom82 · February 2014

This isn't parenting related and I will try to shorten the story. My mom and dad had an affair on my step parents last year. Then my mother decided she did indeed want to be with my stepdad- left my dad AGAIN and went back to my stepfather- her husband of 20 years. During the affair my ex stepmother did some crazy things and her and my mom butted heads. Now my dad is back dating my ex stepmother. My mother made it a point to say how much she disapproves and that she will not come to my wedding if my ex stepmother is coming. I highly doubt that my ex stepmother will even be there but it pisses me off that my own mother refuses to attend my wedding because of possible complications from her stupid ass affair. I don't feel that I should have to tell my dad who he can and can't bring based on my mother acting like a damn 5 year old about this. Am I wrong to be aggravated with my mom? Edited and I guess simpler version. Would you be pissed at your mother if she refused to attend your wedding on the basis of running into someone she doesn't get along with?

martha919 · February 2014

Wow. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I had trouble following, so I have no advice, but my general impression is that all of your parents/ex-parents need to grow the fuck up.

proudworkingmom82 · February 2014

Yes they do need to grow up and I am over there shit and told my mother this. What I was trying to ask I guess simplifed is would it piss you off if your mother refused to attend your wedding on the basis of running into someone she doesn't like and or get along with?

taggiecb · February 2014

There is all kinds of wrong here, but I do not feel that you are the one who is wrong.

Unknown · February 2014

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[Deleted User] · February 2014

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martha919 · February 2014

That would most certainly piss me off. My family is full of crazies, but stories like these make me grateful that they know when to bottle it up.

theseaword · February 2014

Yes. I think this is a situation where you don't feed into the drama. Just say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and send invites to everyone. You're not out of line expecting them to be able to act like adults for one day.

LaurelBee · February 2014

Your mom is trying to sabotage your father's relationship and using you as a pawn. Call her bluff, invite who you want, and tell her you will not get involved. Sorry you have to deal with this.

LC122 · February 2014

Yeah, that sucks.
Invite everyone You want to come. You can't be held responsible for who they do or don't bring. And honestly, I wouldn't even ask so you can honestly tell your mom you don't know who/if your dad is bringing.
Agree with saying "Sorry you feel that way" and add "This wedding is about DH-to-be and me and I hope you will come share it with us".

wiggyslilsis · February 2014

I'm sorry. We had a similar thing happen with DH's side of the family and our wedding. His dad's wife ended up missing the wedding as well as the ex wife/mother figure to DH. His dad came for the ceremony along with his grandparents but left immediately. His sister didn't come at all.

It sucks how it all went down but I am glad that we stood up for ourselves. I feel like people should be able to set their feelings aside for one day but you can't make that happen.

WasNotWas · February 2014

If your mother chooses not to attend your wedding, for whatever reason, she is the one missing out, not you. That someone would be that selfish is beyond me.

MrsCodeMonkey · February 2014

Your mom is a drama llamma. Tell her to get over herself and come to your wedding.

angelashly · February 2014

LaurelBee said:
Your mom is trying to sabotage your father's relationship and using you as a pawn. Call her bluff, invite who you want, and tell her you will not get involved. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Ditto.

To answer your question yes I would be pissed.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

The only way someone gets a pass for the whole "I won't come to your wedding" thing is if the other person you invited genuinely caused them harm. Like, abused them or something and you seemingly didn't care about their feelings on that. That's not coming out clear but I hope you get what I mean. Bottom line, butt hurt feelings (especially for something the butthurt party had a major hand in causing) is no reason for you to change your guest list.

MrsT0514 · February 2014

JFC. Your mom is acting like a child. She needs to put aside her own bullshit drama for the sake of her own daughter's wedding.

Im sorry you're dealing with that shit.

Shelovesaginger · February 2014

My father didn't attend my wedding for similar reasons, and I'm still not speaking to him. You have every right to be pissed off, It's you're wedding and you can't possibly make EVERYBODY happy in that situation. You do what you need to do to have your perfect wedding day, leave the childish people to be childish somewhere else.

NeneCakies · February 2014

You can be rightly pissed and she'll regret it if she carries out her threat. My mom didn't come to my wedding mostly because of my dad, though she claimed a different excuse. Myriad excuses actually. I've always invited them both to everything, which she's hated but I continued to do so because they needed to grow the fuck up. I wasn't pissed she missed the wedding though. I expected it and I was frankly relieved at the time.

We all actually had a pleasant dinner together last month though. It only took 31 years and 3 grand babies! So there's hope.

aforst · February 2014

I'm sorry you are in the middle of such a mess. My parents divorce (6 years ago) was very messy and continues to make things difficult. It ruins what should be really wonderful days for us. So, I know how you feel. In my case, my dad is your mom. Not the same scenario, but he refuses to be around her.

The way we've handled it is that everyone is invited to everything. I will not choose sides or not invite anyone b/c of their issues. Most times my dad chooses not to participate, which is his loss. That's how I would frame this to your mother. I would tell her that this is a mess that her and your father have created and it has nothing to do with you. I would tell her that your father may or may not bring your step mother, but either way, it's up to your mom to decide if she's going to let this stand in the way of seeing her daughter get married.

I'm sure you want your mother at your wedding. I have found with my dad, if he knows I won't make concessions for him and his bullshit, he'll show up. GL with whatever you decide. It's a shitty situation to be in when your parents act more like children than parents.

phunkyphish · February 2014

I pretty much agree with everyone else, I think you're totally justified in feeling pissed.

For what it's worth, I totally followed what you were saying, because my H's family is really similar, and I know how much "fun" it can be dealing with that.

Maebb · February 2014

Sorry you have to deal with that, and yes, I would be pissed. You come to a wedding to support the people getting married. I would ask my mom to please think about me and my feelings and try to not use my wedding as a manipulation tactic.

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