Increased modesty- normal toddler behavior?

toadstool · February 2014

DD is suddenly becoming increasingly modest. She will tell DH that I have to give her a bath and he has to get out or that she want me to change her diaper instead of him. The other night she made my mom leave the room while I changed her clothes even though my mom regularly babysits her and does that type of thing for her... Just a couple of examples. I am a little surprised to see her feeling modest around family members this early (she will be 3 in May) since she still needs some help with diapers and changing clothes.

Side note- We have worked on potty training to various degrees for about a year now and, while we have had some promising moments, she is pretty against it. The whole potty training business also seems to embarrass her. Last night she said she needed to poop right after her bath and I encouraged her to do it on the potty. So she covered herself with a towel (even hid her head under the towel) while she sat on the potty. Sometimes she tells me that she needs to go and if I encourage her to use the potty she will hold it in. Once she made herself constipated because she started holding her poop. She accidentally pooped in the tub a couple weeks back and was mortified and profusely apologized.

So my question is- Is this type of sudden modesty and embarrassment over body functions normal for this age? Do you think it could be related to the potty training? I experienced sexual abuse as a child so, I can't help it, my mind immediately jumps there. Modesty is normal and I'm having a hard time being objective, right? Tell me I'm overreacting.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

I would think for a child who had been abused you'd be seeing something more behavioral than just modesty. With that being said my kids are not modest at all and I wish they weren't wannabe nudists.

dmartin726 · February 2014

Honestly. It sounds kind of phase-like to me. I agree I would be like, why is she doing this all of a sudden. But it doesn't sound out of the norm for DD to do something like that as well. She goes through periods where she won't let anyone dress her. She has gone through phases where I have to sit outside the door while she poops. (Mama, don't look at me!). That's why I think it's a phase. DD does stuff like that on and off constantly. Then the next week I have to sit right in front of the toilet...or she points out that I forgot to put lotion on her tush. Haha.

Mc_Newlywed · February 2014

I'll bet it's more of a control thing than modesty. She knows that she now has the power to say no to certain people changing her diaper so she wields that power from time to time.

My guess is that it will pass soon enough. But I agree, ask her about it and see what she says. At 3 she might have a good reason. Or she might tell you the sky is blue. But you don't know until you ask.

Arnegard · February 2014

As far as modesty, my only guess is she has learned it by modeling. Have you asked her, your Mom, DH to go out of the room while you changed? Do you go to another room or shut the door when you change?

I do ask my girls for privacy, but they like to comment on my tummy wrinkles or my saggy boobs... so it's better to change privately. I hear the same words from them sometimes too, "Mom, I need privacy."

Or, I'd agree with @dmartin726 that it is just normal toddler behavior. It wouldn't hurt to ask her why Daddy can't change her diaper.

zbeesma86 · February 2014

KC_13 said:

I would think for a child who had been abused you'd be seeing something more behavioral than just modesty. With that being said my kids are not modest at all and I wish they weren't wannabe nudists.

ha seriously. Z flashed everyone her belly/torso at Chipotle yesterday. Then began to dance while holding her shirt up. I was like awesome! haha

toadstool · February 2014

I have asked her about it when it comes up and she doesn't really give an answer. I could see it being a control thing for her since she does other things that I feel are about control. Thanks for the perspective ladies.

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