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Preemies
Baby #3 (long)
I stay away for so long in between my visits here. I guess that's life.
Anyway, I'm not finding a specific situation like mine. I run a mom's group on FB, but there are only 2 other preemie moms on it, which really doesn't surprise me. It's hard to find someone who can relate. So, DH and I originally wanted 2 or 3 children. My pregnancies, like many of yours, were dramatic and full of anxiety. DS1: severe asthma, abruption at 25w6d, IUGR less than 1%, and delivery at 36w1d. Bedrest from 25w6d on, but only in the hospital 3 or 4 days. One night in hospital after I was discharged for jaundice and excessive weight loss. DS2: Newly diagnosed MTHFR C677T homozygous, RA, and Sjogren's syndrome. Threatened miscarriage at 12 weeks. Complete previa diagnosed at 17w6d. First bleed 24w6d. Second bleed at 26w6d. Mild pre-eclampsia. Bed rest from 21-14 weeks, light duty from 14-18 weeks, bed rest from 18 weeks on-- total of 42 days hospital bed rest. Previa resolved, but had chronic abruption. Massive bleed at 32w3d and delivered. 21 day NICU stay.
DH does not want the drama again even though a theoretical third child would be welcome. He confided that on many occasions, he thought I was going to die and that our baby was going to die. He is convinced that a third pregnancy will be even more traumatizing with a potentially much worse outcome than the first two. However, I want #3. I have since DS2 was born. He's 17 months now (15 adjusted) and thriving. He is caught up for his adjusted age and lagging only in speech for his actual. Both boys are just amazing little guys. I have room in my heart for another child. I'm not trying for a girl. I don't care about that. I did during my pregnancy with DS2, but it's so silly. Part of me wants to get the whole pregnancy things right, but I really do honestly want one more. I have a list of things to do that could do to give a baby and me the best chance for a successful pregnancy. I know the odds are not in my favor, but I'm willing to take the chance. It affects me to the point that I am in tears whenever my friends deliver or announce pregnancies. I have considered adoption, but I have friends who have gone through it and I don't think I could handle that emotionally.
So, I have two choices. Either come to terms with the fact that we have two beautiful boys, or continue to bug DH about #3. Any ideas on how to cope or put a spin on baby #3 that can counter DH's doom and gloom? I just don't know what to do or think anymore 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby #3 (long)
After the twins, who were born at 34w5d after me being on hospital bedrest for nearly 10 weeks fighting preterm labor, I knew in my heart that I still wanted at least one more. I kind of kept it to myself because we'd been through so much during that particular pregnancy so I felt that most people would be really judgmental and negative in their comments.
I will say that prior to my twin pregnancy, that DH and I really started feeling the tug on our hearts for adoption, but we were not really sure where to go with that tug and a few months later we found out we were expecting. This time around, we were waiting for the signups to open up for foster care certification so that we could become respite parents and give fulltime foster parents a break for a day or so... then before the class became available (we're talking DAYS here) we found out #5 was on the way and had to put those plans on hold.
I know that without a doubt I am done with pregnancy after this guy.. Not because of some social stipulation of having a large family or whatever, but in my heart I know I am done. That being said, we are still open minded for becoming foster parents in the future. But that may be a few years down the road.
Never in a million years did I ever think I would be blessed with a large family. It's not for the faint of heart, by no means, but it's the right thing for us.
I know all of this doesn't answer your questions, but I just wanted to let you know I totally understand your dilemma and I'm certainly not going to judge your choices. I hope that you and your DH can come to an agreement on what is right for your family, whether 2 is it, or another pregnancy, or possible adoption/foster. That answer may not come for awhile, and it's not one that someone else can make for you or it can cause issues between the two of you. Best wishes on your decision!
It's weird. I didn't especially want kids when I was younger. Now I want more. I understand my husband's fears. But... I have my own thoughts.
I always wanted 3. We have two little girls and I love them to bits and would love to have one more boy or girl. However, DH is done. My first was born at 30w 5d due to a massive abruption. She spent 45 days in the NICU... the experience was just traumatic for us. I was diagnosed with clotting issues MTHFR and Prothrombin II and had to be one heparin throughout my second pregnancy. I was sure we were going to be ok this time around... hey we identified the problem and were treating it right?
Despite this, at 28weeks my bp went up and the umbilical artery showed resistance. I took 10 different meds a day. Made it to 35 weeks when my water broke and I had to rush to get her out. Both experiences were terrifying for me. DD2 was in NICU for 3 days with no lingering issues. Luckily, my doc had insisted on the steroid shots at 28 weeks and she came out just fine.
I know how scared I was, and my DH was petrified not only for our baby but for me as well. I don't think we will be risking a 3rd.
Having a baby and being pregnant should be joyful experiences but for us they have been anything but joyful. Luckily we have two healthy beautiful girls and I know how lucky we have been. But I also know everything that can go wrong and I cannot justify putting a child at risk knowing what my body is capable or in this case incapable of doing.